Nigerian | English
My Mum is Nigerian, and Dad is English. They met at work. My Dad was previously married to an English woman and had two children from that marriage. My Mum left Nigeria to come to the UK as she was domestically abused. She was also previously married and had 3 children who she eventually brought to the UK to live. When my Dad left his ex-wife to be with my Mum, my Mum felt like she wasn’t accepted as a part of his family. Having lived in Nigeria for 27 years she felt like an outsider in social events, and felt frowned upon and left out of my Dad’s side of the family. But eventually she was accepted.
I think I identify more as Nigerian strangely, even though I was brought up in the UK and haven’t been to Nigeria since I was 4. Mainly because I was brought up with my 3 half siblings from my Mum’s side, so I often felt the same as them. I tended to overly embrace that side of the family. Being brought up in the UK, I was unsure about Nigerian etiquette. In Nigerian culture, people who are older than you are highly respected. I often offended people unknowingly. For example, not bowing down to greet my elders resulted in getting told off. I would also mix two foods together that were not meant to be combined, and people would laugh at me. I have two sisters from my Father's side, both of whom are English. I always felt left out and not a part of that side of my family. I felt so different and out of place everywhere I went.
I then began to be overly ‘African’ and only listened to African music to compensate. I would reroute every conversation back to Africa. I felt as though I had to mention to everyone I met that I was Nigerian, as I didn't look it. I even failed to mention my English side. This was because I felt displaced and wanted to fit in and be a part of that culture so badly.
Being unsure of where I stood as I grew older, I developed social anxiety. I have managed to overcome this through therapy and my church community, who helped me realize that I have a home and an identity through Christ. Meeting my husband, who is also mixed, really helped me embrace both sides of me and learn about other cultures such as French, Senegalese, and Ghanaian culture. I realized that I didn't need to fit into a tick box anymore; being part of two different cultures and now being married into many more is such a blessing in itself! I'm still learning but have come so far and can now accept who I am, and I wouldn't change it for the world!
I think there are times where I am reminded that I’m not ‘fully’ Nigerian and different to my two sisters and brother from my Mum’s side. When they talk about how they do their hair I often feel left out. Also, when my husband and I were getting married, I really wanted a separate Nigerian wedding (called the ‘traditional wedding’) but was discouraged by my family members because I was also English and there wouldn’t be enough Nigerian people to attend. This was even more frustrating because with my older sister it wasn’t even a question! I stood up for myself and I eventually was able to have one and we managed to embrace Ghanaian and Senegalese culture in this as well.
I think meeting my husband was a big experience. He is even more mixed than me, being English, Ghanaian, French and Senegalese. He was able to teach me that I need to embrace both sides of who I am not just the Nigerian side. He felt very English because he was brought up in the UK and having so many cultures it was difficult to keep up! He said I don’t need to try so hard to fit in. I can be myself! This was so liberating.
You do not need to be a tick box. You do not need to people please. Stay true to who you are. Being mixed-race is such a blessing as you are a part of many cultures. Learn as much as you can and incorporate them into your life but most of all be yourself, you don’t need to people please and people will love you for who you are. You are more than your cultural identity. We all have our unique personalities, thoughts and interests that makes us who we are.
I did eventually get irritated by the question ‘where are you really from?’. Not looking like your race can be annoying sometimes. People either mistakenly think you are a part of their culture or they play the guessing game. I wished people could just see from the way I looked. But that’s also very complex because everyone has different stories that make them who they are and embrace their cultures in different ways. Sometimes I used to say I was Nigerian and conceal my English side. I felt as though that’s the only part of me they would be interested in!
Jesus is my role model. Christianity gave me an identity other than where I am culturally from. ‘There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.’ - Galatians 3:28 (NIV). I have never been described as exotic or ambiguous before. I have heard comments that are racist before that people thought I wouldn’t care about. I have also heard some remarks from a man wanting to sleep with a mixed-race person just to tick a box. I obviously felt terrible and angry about both examples but unfortunately did not speak up at the time. I have also had a lot of people mistake my identity.
I admire the Ghanaian culture as it is so similar to Nigerian culture so it feels familiar, yet they are differences too, as a result I’m fascinated by it! Especially learning about their similarities and differences. I connect to my Nigerian culture through parties, music and food. However, some of the food is difficult to cook and the ingredients are hard to find as I often have to go to different stores apart from Tesco’s and other major supermarkets. I have also bought cookbooks to embrace my husband’s cultures as well I have learnt to cook some Ghanaian and Senegalese food. I also took part in a jollof rice competition where I cooked Ghanaian and Senegalese jollof rice (not Nigerian because there was already plenty). I won the competition by the way!
I currently work as an NHS doctor. I feel as though the NHS is one of the most diverse places to work in with many people being from Asia, Africa and the Middle East. I do feel comfortable working in this field but unfortunately, I have never met a female/ male mixed-race (Nigerian and English) doctor. I don’t think this is because it is misrepresented but I think the population group is small. I have a feeling this will be a very different story in 10-20 years’ time!
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