Singaporean | Swiss
My parents came to London in their teens and met at a party. They were not so forthcoming about mixing their cultures, I feel I might have learnt more about it later but my Mum died when I was 15.
I have always identified more as White, which has been confusing for me as I people don’t really see me this way. I was brought up in London and I went to a private school where the large majority were White, all of my friends were White and so was my Mum. My Dad was in and out of my life and I was not as close with him. I think this is why I identified more with that part of my heritage as I identified more with my Mother. However, the older I get I have tried to have more of a connection with my Singaporean heritage. I work for UCL and have worked closely with other mixed-race individuals. I joined a racial equality group where we share stores, knowledge and set up events. This has really helped me to understand how being mixed-race has affected my life.
When I was very young I was unaware of how people saw me, my parents never talked to me about being mixed-race. It invites a lot of questions and I felt very uncomfortable with the attention. My Mother looked very different from me and I really hated children making comments about us not being related. This is what has stuck with me most and still bothers me. At secondary school I felt very isolated and different from everyone else. I found this very hard, I wanted to fit in and I really struggled with it for a long time. I used to dye my hair lighter and use skin bleaching creams in an attempt to make myself look Whiter. I didn’t talk about my Singaporean heritage.
The older that I get I have more of an understanding of why this is hard for me and more of an understanding of the way people see me. I have tried to learn more about my Singaporean and Swiss heritage and I also I find a lot of comfort in talking to other mixed-race people about their experiences.
I have found setting boundaries to be very difficult, with friends, family and strangers. I am still learning to say when I feel uncomfortable. Being mixed-race invites a lot of questions and I find this very difficult. I think talking to other mixed-race people has helped me so much, and just hearing their stories. It’s really helped me get in touch with how I feel about my heritage.
My Mother is my role model, she worked hard as a single Mother to raise three children and completed a degree whilst fighting breast cancer.
Exotic and interesting are words that I have heard often and I’ve never liked it. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t like it when I was younger. I was led to believe that exotic was a compliment and it’s only recently I have understood why it makes me feel uncomfortable. They may as well be calling me strange or different.
My best friend is Arabic and I have loved learning about Arab culture. There is a big emphasis on family and also giving. Giving to charity and to family and friends.
For me food is a very important connection to my cultures! My Swiss Grandmother used to make boxes of chocolates and snacks that she would send every Christmas, and I looked forward to these so much. I also love Swiss food and make it a lot at home. A lot of my traditions involve food! I feel like it is a big part of Swiss and Singaporean culture.
Also, the Chinese dresses I used to wear for Chinese New Year, I still have some and think they are so beautiful.
Rituals as well are important to me, for example my parents used to give me a red envelope with money for Chinese New Year. These are things I hope to pass on to my family. I remember watching the dragon dance and going out for lunch with my family. We love Chinatown and used to go there a lot as children, it is still a really special place for me and my brothers.
I have been very fortunate in this respect at work. My boss is mixed-race and is involved with the racial equality group for UCL. She helped me to get involved with the racial equality group for our institute and I have met other mixed-race people through this. We organise viewings of films and discuss them after, often talking about or experiences. I have helped to organise circulars about different cultures where I have learnt so much, it has been such an enriching experience for me.