Indonesian | Dutch
I identify as Indo (which is also formally known as Indo-European or Indo-Dutch). My Mother was born in The Netherlands, but her parents are from Bandung. Two of her sisters were born in Indonesia but they had to flee the country in the 50s. My parents met in a club in the city where my Father was doing his graduate studies and my Mother was living.
Incorporating both cultures was a big topic in my upbringing! We would all have conversations about the differences between Dutch and Indo-people all the time. Indos are very much more welcoming in inviting visitors in their homes and offer all kinds of food than Dutch people are. I also grew up in this tight knit Indo family where caring for each other and your (Grand)parents was and is really important, much more so than in Dutch families. Anyway, not only did my parents have different ethnic background, they also were from very different socio-economic backgrounds. My Father has enjoyed higher education, whereas my Mother has not. My parents would always remind me that a level of education and cultural background should never be any barrier for human contact and a romantic relationship. This was really the moral foundation of our family.
I really identify as Indo, but I appear to be physically completely Caucasian, as the only one of the 21 grandchildren, so I could never count on immediate recognition by other Indo-European or Euro-Asians. I still feel as I have to prove my Indo-background, and that my Mother, with a darker complexion, is really my Mother. So it’s pretty hard to really identify as partly Asian, even though I’m at least 40% Indonesian/Javanese. There are more cases of in between people like me of course, but I don’t see them being represented as much as could. But I grew up in the Netherlands so I’m completely Dutch too.
My Mother and her parents have experienced incidents of racism. There’s this underlying unspoken mentality among Indo people and my Grandparents that White is better than how they look. So what we would qualify as racist incidents, they would be like: oh well, whatever, this is how it is. My Mother would tell me stories about her youth and how she was being cursed at as a child of being a ‘poepchinees’, roughly translated as shitty Chinese. It has made me being emotionally aware of current forms of discrimination. And I’m really glad that current generations are trying to shift the paradigm and are not afraid to publicly denounce discrimination, which does justice to the experiences of my own family (although I luckily never have experienced the same, because of my complexion).
Because I look White, and I’m not being recognized by other Indos of being of the same background as they are. What helped me is to find my own way. So I’ve spend days on end with my Grandparents and I really tried to be a sponge and sip as many stories about their time in Indonesia as possible. I’ve visited the country multiple times, and also visited my Indonesian second cousins in Bandung, I’ve studied the history as a historian, read books on Indonesia, saw movies et cetera. I’m really preparing myself for the time that my Grandparents are not alive anymore, so I’m trying that they really become engrained in me, on a metaphysical level almost. The thing with this Indo identity is that it’s based in a former colonial society that does not exist anymore (thank god!) and that means that this community will die out: next generations will disappear in the general population. So this identity really had to become a part of myself to prevent it from disappearing. I would advise others to try to study the background of your family meticulously, delve into the archives, the cuisine, the language. Try to be a sponge, enjoy!
When I was around the age of 11 we had a big family celebration. I was playing on playground with my brother and cousins. There were also second cousins present, whom I didn't know, and all was well. But then they suddenly confronted me, like: ‘hey what you’re doing here? You’re White, you don’t belong here, get out!’. Luckily my own cousins defended me. But it was very weird and telling, because people still do not believe I’m partly Asian.
Sometimes if I meet other Asian-Dutch people I want to say that we sort of have the same background, and then I think: never mind, they won’t believe me and I will have to go a long way before they do.
My Grandfather is from Surabaya. He has seen and survived so much; the war, the murder of his brother, being an orphan etc. He did not have the same chances in life as I did. And I used to remember myself as a student that I really should study hard for him.
Indo is in itself mixed-race. So we ourselves and others call us Indo. There are some ‘offensive’ terms as well, but they were mostly offensive 50 years ago and they are not being used anymore. But it does offend me when people think that my Grandparents and Mother should move to their own country. Incidents like these were rare but they did happen.
I try to admire all cultures, trying to see it from their own perspective, without judgement. But I do feel naturally more comfortable in Asian but also Afro-settings because their tight knit family structures. It feels similar I guess; food (Indonesian food is the best), story-telling (of fighting monsters, seeing ghosts etc) and language (this strange mix of Indonesian and Dutch).
I work at a psych trauma organization and quite a lot of my colleagues have the same background. They did not recognize my me as being partly Asian in the first place, but now they definitely know!
Cooking Indonesian food in the first place. But most importantly: try to take your culture and background seriously. Explore, research, and also confront the difficult parts of your own family history.