French | Jamaican/German
My Dad is from France, Mom from Jamaica and Germany. They met in Iraq, working at the same organisation. My parents believe that there were no cultural integration difficulties, that both adapted pretty easily.
From my own memories, this doesn't seem true; I definitely saw exoticisation of my Mom from both male and female members of my Dad's family.
In my case, all three cultures were pretty unknown to me as I grew up in Asia, Africa, and Belgium, in a total of 7 countries. It is only once I arrived in Europe (Belgium) at the age of 14, that I started to explore and understand my parents’ cultures, including my Jamaican heritage from being able to spend more time with Grandma who lived in France.
This disconnect between my parents’ cultures and my own really impacted their understanding of me and my understanding of them, and while they accepted and praised the different cultural influences my brother and I had, they also could not quite understand to what extent the great number of cultures we were raised in impacted us, nor even the impact it had on our mental health. Being ripped apart from every form of community you manage to create, time and time again, is really not ideal for social beings. Of course, my Mom did understand better as a mixed-race Jamaican-German who grew up in the US and France. But even in this case, she did spend an important part of her childhood in France.
For a long time, I had not understood that I was mixed-race. I don't even know if I actually believed I existed. But I do remember how close friends of mine denied my mixed-race heritage. No matter where I went, I just didn't belong. I didn't get all the intricacies of any of the cultures, I didn't get enough of any culture to show I belong. For a long time, I was afraid of boldly stating that I was mixed-race. Instead, I stuck to my parent’s nationalities, and then listed the countries I grew up in. It's a long introduction but at least I didn't have to state that I was mixed-race, and in that way I wouldn't receive any comments denying that. Choosing to portray myself on Mixedracefaces is one of those steps that I'm undertaking to affirm my identity for myself. My favorite quote is a quote by Audre Lorde: ‘It is axiomatic that if we do not define ourselves for ourselves, we will be defined by others - for their use and our detriment’. When I read this quote for the first time, I understood that there was no use in hiding parts of my identity: I exist, I am valid, and I deserve to be acknowledged for who I am.
This is also why I am currently working on creating my own community that focuses on mental health in culturally and racially mixed people. It's still in the making, but I know that it is essential for building community within a globalised world.
I remember arriving in Belgium and attending my first predominantly White school. Before, I had always been surrounded by people from all over the world and it was easy to connect on a multiplicity of cultural levels. But arriving in Belgium and attending the French school in Brussels was unchartered territory: The predominant French culture was one I didn't know other than from the few fragments my parents had given me. The importance people gave to clothing brands and things we did not have access to in other countries, was difficult for me to understand, especially at such a young age. I could not connect socially, emotionally, or intellectually. I barely spoke French, and kept getting told off by teachers for not knowing how to write essays in French. I did not know the cultural practices in terms of connecting with others; what they placed importance on and why. And so I did what I do best, I created a community from the few people that I could find that had grown up like me and grown up in places similar to those I had grown up in. People with mixed identities who showed me the importance of a community that understands and validates you, as your survival depends on your connection with others.
Growing up in a few countries that were very anti-LGBTQIA+ made me deny my queerness. I wasn't homophobic, but I was afraid of being associated with it because I was so afraid of how people would judge me. I remember being 15 and saying I was bi, but it not being taken seriously as women with women was always so sexualised, even already at 15. After that, I kind of kept the label but didn't express it. It's only recently since 2018 that I've started to accept it more, living in the Netherlands has really made it easier to accept and feel comfortable with.
It's really important to surround yourself with people who acknowledge your identity 100%. Don't let people take away from your cultural experiences or your desire to connect with your parents' cultures, or your desire not to. Don't let people define you for their benefit, and definitely don't dim yourself to make you more likeable. Your survival depends on it.
I'm currently trying to become my own role model - I've spent so much time focusing on others and how to be more like them that I didn't take the time to be myself because I didn't believe I could be what I wanted to be.
I've been told that I should ‘taste good’. This first one was a reply to my parent’s nationalities, and it was the first time I was consciously brought face to face with a racist & sexist remark. It made me angry and for the first time in my life I did not laugh to make the person comfortable.
I've heard Black African family members with mixed-race children refer to mixed-race people as more problematic because they think they are better than Black people. I know the history behind these thought patterns, but it hurts me to hear it time and time again and leads me to continuously ask where is the healing taking place in African communities.
I would be super interested in getting to know different indigenous tribes of the Americas (South and North). I think a lot of their cultural practices have been exoticised and appropriated and would be very interested in understanding how and why they have the beliefs they have and how they view different mental health issues.
I don't believe mixed-race people are represented in my university. The university is predominantly Western European and the few mixed-race are White passing. The few visibly mixed-race are seen as others. So I don't think the university recognises me or other mixed-race people as mixed-race.
I like to see culture as intercultural, always impacting and impacted by, so I don't retain, I just see how I feel. But I usually cook different meals and try to obtain special produce such as ackee from Jamaica, or isombe from Rwanda, or make Khao piek from Laos from scratch.