French | Brazilian
I class myself as ‘Frenchzilian’; half French & half Brazilian, with an Australian passport as a bonus. I'm a citizen of the world raising a very multinational family (my husband is Ukrainian) and my children were born in Australia.
My Mum was born in Brazil (slavery/Black descent with some French blood from colonisation), and my Dad is French (with some Swiss descent), born in France. They met in Paraguay in a bar; my Mum saw my Dad's blue eyes and fell in love. My Mum was not accepted by my Dad's family as she is Black, but that all changed when they had kids.
My Mum also tried to enroll me in a private school and was told there were no spaces, but she knew something was not right. My Dad went the same afternoon and enrolled me without any problem.
I always identify more as a Brazilian even though I never lived there and I was raised for 14 years in France and studied in the French system until university. I think it is because when I'm amongst Brazilians I'm accepted as one of them no question asked, whereas if I say I'm French to a French person they would always ask ‘ok, but what's your origin?’. Growing-up mixed race made me hyper aware of not belonging, especially in France. When I was 14, we went to live in Cameroon and I thought I would be more accepted there. However, I quickly found out that I was 'not Black enough' nor 'White enough', being mixed-race was even harder. As an adult that has lived in 6 different countries, and has an accent in almost all the languages I speak, I still struggle daily to answer the second question someone asks me when we meet; ‘where are you from?’. I'm not sure what to tell them because the truth is no one really has the time to listen to the long answer.
I recently posted a video on my YouTube channel where I stated that ‘I'm an Australian living in Belfast’, most comments were about how I did not look or sound Australian. It is sad to think that I have to prove any of my nationalities and that I'm never French enough, Brazilian enough or Australian enough.
When I was in Queensland Australia, I walked into a lift. The lady there asked me where I am from. To which I answered ‘half French, half Brazilian’ with a smile. The doors opened and she yelled ""go back to where you come from"" so I yelled back: ‘WELL WHICH ONE?’. She ran off. This experience reinforced the fact that I'm constantly pulled in different directions. People want a clear, simple answer to put you in a box. The difficulty lies in not fitting in any boxes and people not accepting that.
Identity doesn't have to be an exact science. It helped me to think about it as something that constantly evolves and changes across time and places.
I am as I'm the only one that can lead me to what I really want in life.
I can see racial bias from how the person asks 'where are you from?’:
Where is your accent from?
What's your ethnicity?
Where are you from ORIGINALLY?
What's your background?
are all variants that imply race. I lived in New-Zealand for 6 months and I really enjoyed learning about Maori culture, a very strong and powerful culture.
At my last job I was the only non-White person working there. Some of my colleagues would have Italian or Jewish descent, but non outside of Europe. I don't think this was a priority of the organisation I was working for but I did not feel discriminated against, sometimes it is ok to be the first one.
I wear White at every New Year’s as do most Brazilians, and I speak French to my children.