Indian | Dutch
My Mother is Indian, and my Father is from The Netherlands. They met while on a group tour to India. As my Mother is adopted, she has faced her own share of struggles growing up. After meeting my Father they together looked into finding out more about her heritage, so the experiences she told me have mainly been positive. Being born and raised in the Netherlands and having one parent that's adopted as well as having a Dutch first name, I naturally levitate towards the Dutch culture more. I try to 'balance' this by learning Hindi, one of the many languages of India, and visiting India when I am able to. I also try to partake in festivals, eat Indian food, talk to Indians, and learn about religion and religious customs.
Growing up I didn't really look ‘Indian’ nor ‘Dutch’. I grew up in a pretty diverse environment and city, with many people of different cultures and beliefs surrounding me at school. I have of course heard the usual 'where are you from' questions countless times. There have been times when I was really doubting what to 'identify' myself as, because I feel like I'm missing a part of me (culturally). Many people didn't understand what adoption was so I had to explain that to them.
Now that I'm a little older I feel more at peace to take the time to explain to people what my background is. At times growing up there were some places where I was one of the few (or the only) people of colour. It made me feel like I was missing 'something', something I still can't quite explain yet. What helped was talking with both my parents and friends from different backgrounds, they made me understand that I'm not the only one feeling this way sometimes.
The first time I went to India with my parents was an eye-opener for me! I loved the colours, the food, the language and the people. It felt like coming home, in a way. And everyone looked like my Mom and me! I've been back once since and I'm planning to go back soon. These journeys help me to have some peace with myself about my own identity. I don't have to wonder what my Mom's country is like, because I've seen a part of the country with my own eyes.
Accept that you'll never be done learning about your background(s). It's so cool to discover more about yourself and your roots! I used to try to avoid questions about my race, or respond by mentioning only one of the two, depending on the situation. I think I was ashamed of being mixed-race. Now that I'm a little older I always mention both when asked, as I'm equally proud of my heritage.
One of my role models is my Mom, as she is the only Indian family member I have. She's a powerful woman, she always takes the time to listen to me. I hope to be a bit like her when I'm older.
I have been called exotic looking. I usually like the term, it has a bit of a mysterious flair to it. I don't mind the mystery that comes with such a term!
I connect to each of my cultures by the below:
1. The Indian way of caring for one's family, I think it's a wonderful thing .
2. The Dutch directness, no beating around the bush! It also helps in conversation.
3. Indian music. There's a lifetime worth of styles and traditions.
I also try to read and listen to many kinds of Indian music. I even took singing lessons for a while! I have visited Mosques, and temples while in India to gain better insights in the beliefs. I work and live in the Netherlands so I speak Dutch every day. I also try my best to learn about Dutch history.
A lot of my colleagues are from many different backgrounds, including mixed people! I think that the place(s) where I worked and studied until now have many mixed people within them. My colleagues definitely recognise me as mixed, this helps me a lot.