French | Algerian
I’m a French/Algerian man born and raised in France and partly raised by a British family in the UK. I left France on my own and came to England at the age of 16. I believe I’m a sort of Omnist. I’m respectful and open to all cultures and religions as long as they are not aimed to serve a purpose of power, destruction, and/or judgment, but rather to serve humanity in its whole.
My Mum is French, born and raised, my Dad is of Algerian blood, but he was also born in France in the same region as my Mum. Funny enough my parents met in a good old nightclub in 1984, Belfort, France. After long minutes of gazing at each other, my Dad, good gentlemen he is, invited my Mum to dance to the Scorpions’ hit ‘Still Loving You’. It took a long time for their love to grow and mature. My Dad usually cycled to see my Mum as they lived in different parts of the city due to their difference of culture and lifestyle: him, in a rough neighbourhood consisting of big tower blocks, and her in a proper little remote French village just outside the city. They shared their first kiss months after that first night. It was on 13 May 1984 according to my Mum. And that’s where the journey began.
At first, they struggled to break these cultural barriers with their families. My Mum’s family were Christian and my Father’s Muslim. They both had the old ways in their heart and they wanted to protect my parents from getting hurt by each other, or more importantly, by society. But they got there in the end! My Dad had to show my Mum’s family that he was a good man and that he would look after my Mum well. And my Mum had to recite an Arabic prayer in front of my Dad’s Mum to show her respect and openness to their religion and culture. After that, my Grandma told my Mum that she was now, and will always be, part of the family.
Unfortunately, my parents split up when I was only six years old and so they didn’t really give me a combined cultural upbringing, which meant that I mostly got to discover and learn about French culture rather than both combined. Nevertheless, I still got to experience a little bit of the Algerian culture such as food & drinks, and a little bit about the religion and language. But most importantly I learnt about the values and ethics of Arabic culture, and more precisely the ones of my Dad’s family. Work - Love - Honesty. I might have never truly got to experience both cultures combined. However, I still was lucky enough to experience both cultures albeit separately. For example, I’ve been to both traditional Arabic and Christians weddings, and less joyfully but equally important, funerals. One had a Priest and the other an Imam.
These two worlds never truly met, and it didn’t really bother me until recently. I think my cultures do affect how I chose my partner, yes. But not in a huge pressured way. I think the fact that I’m mixed-race and also grew up in two different countries (France & England) made me more open to people in general. It allowed me to see cultures or religious barriers as less of an issue. At the end of the day my parents have always been very open with me and they taught me to never judge people by their race, gender, or religious belief, and I am grateful for that! They have always encouraged me to make my own choices and to experience all kinds of lives and cultures, and especially to not be afraid of people and their differences. So, my multicultural upbringing really affected how I choose my partner by making me more open to people in general.
My Dad used to ask my sister and I when we went on holiday to not tell people that we were half Arabic. He also tried to change my last name, as I have my Father’s last name, ABID, which is Algerian. He wanted to change to my Mum’s name, Couturier. He explained, as a lot of people of colour have, he has experienced racism. He was afraid that my last name would prevent me or make it harder for me to reach my goals, as it did for him. But I know he asked us to do these things because he was afraid for us and didn’t trust society. It wasn’t because he didn’t like his culture, but he knew and experienced the harshness that came with it, and he just didn’t want us to experience that. And well guess what!? I understood what he was saying, and I did hide it for a while. But then I came to England and met people who were strong, proud, and not afraid to show their mixed ethnicity. And that’s when I stopped hiding. I told my parents, and they understood and helped me get where I wanted to be. A proud and happy mixed-race face!
Interracial relationships are great! I am myself in one, and it's so exciting to learn about each other’s cultures! I think it’s completely normal, and I find that mixed-race people seem to be more open people in general, and I think that’s great! And to be fair, at the end of the day, love is the most important thing in a relationship and it should be at the core of it. So interracial or not, doesn’t matter as long as there is love. I think the same with my parents, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, right?
My Grandparents on both sides had a completely different mindset though. And yes, both were pretty much following the same rules, get with someone from your own race. It was a tradition, a rule and a safety net to avoid prejudices and conflicts. And that I understand. The fear of being judged and having your society looking at you all the time. I get that this is how they were brought up. But I think those times are long gone and people are becoming more and more open and that is what I believe to be the way forward.
Being, accepting, and embracing my mixed identity has opened me to a whole new world. Truly! It’s brought so much more purpose, joy, and a sense of peace in life. It’s the fact that I now know what I want in my life and with my identity. And yes, there are challenges with that. The main one was understanding and knowing how much of each world, French and Algerian, I wanted in my life. You know… am I Algerian enough to say I am Algerian!? People see me as French because I'm quite light-skinned, and they question my mixed ethnicity. I don’t know much about the Algerian culture, and I don’t even know how to speak it properly. Does that mean I am not worthy of calling myself French/Algerian – 50/50- like I truly am?
All those things came with the choice I made. To accept, learn, and embrace both my Dad’s and my Mum's cultures. And that’s when I realised that none of it mattered. All those questions about being worthy of my mixed identity and people’s opinions about it even less! As long as I was happy with it, it doesn’t matter what other people say. And to be honest, I really want to learn more about both cultures, especially my Algerian culture as it was less present in my life! So yes, challenges accepted.
Unfortunately, I have never visited Algeria. I asked my Dad and my Uncle many times, but they said I was too young, not ready for it, or it’s too dangerous, or even that I wasn’t ready for their ways of thinking because I grew up in a westernised culture. I tried but they didn’t want me to until recently. After they saw me accepting and developing this urge to learn about this side of my life, they started to be more and more supportive and aware that they might have wanted to protect me before, but it came with a cost of not allowing me to discover this side of myself. And it helped them too. And now they are the ones asking me to come with them when next they go so I AM SUPER EXCITED FOR THAT!
As a child I was protected from my Algerian side a lot! And that was out of fear and misconceptions that society had given the Arabic world, my parents were just trying to protect me from those prejudices and misconceptions. And to be honest I never truly understood that. I was like, ‘my Dad is Algerian, and he is a good man. And I am half Algerian… so what’s the big deal about hiding it!?’. I listened to them at first, but as I got older it changed. And I realised I didn’t need to be protected anymore. I could finally try and explore that side of me, and if challenges come along the way, and they did, I would just have to learn how to deal with them.
I think we all change. All the time. You can’t go through life and not be affected by the experiences you go through. Good or bad. So yes, I think my outlook on being mixed-race will change and evolve again as I get older. Now it’s up to me how I want it to change.
My workplace is considerate of my identity, especially in London as we have such a wide variety of cultures. I’m an actor, so in fact my mixed identity is very good for this type of work and the industry I work in. It’s what gets me jobs sometimes! I haven’t had any problems with regards to my work and my identity. But being a feminist and believing in equal rights and opportunity for everybody, I have to acknowledge the fact that this might be because 1) I am a man, and 2) I’m half White and that comes with a lot privilege that other people might not have.
I would love to be reborn as a bird so that I can do some super-duper pirouettes in the sky, like a very agile bird, you know! And so I can experience the boundless limits of the sky around the earth. I am very thankful for this opportunity as it once again gave me the chance to reflect on my mixed ethnicity. I am also very thankful because I got to learn a lot of things about my parents’ earlier life, their cultures, and relationship before they separated, which I didn’t know about. So, thank you.