English | Taiwanese
I've always identified culturally as half English and half Taiwanese. As I get older I'd probably prefer to use British instead of the former, as I feel like it gives more justice to the diversity of our nation. My Mum is Taiwanese, born and raised there until she was around 19, my age. She met my English Dad at a bar, who at this point had been travelling around Asia for some years and fell in love with this interesting old hippie. After living in Taiwan for a while, they decided to go back to England where myself and my siblings were raised. They separated when I was small, so we lived and grew up under my Mum's roof: we were raised with her values and ways of life, which did a lot to entrain Taiwanese culture into us, despite never having visited. But, being a Mother raising four children alone and learning English by herself, there was little room for Mandarin lessons. We walk and talk very British-ly, but my adoration for breakfast tea competes well with my love of Asian cuisine. I feel like quite a mish-mash of cultures, especially growing up in Leicester, one of the UK's most multicultural cities.
Interracial relationships were definitely more taboo in our parents' much-less-globalised generation, so I’m glad to be alive in a time where diversity is openly embraced. But there is still a stereotype when it comes to White male/Asian female couples and I’ve had the displeasure of witnessing the ignorant racism my Mum has had to endure even after two decades in this country. I feel there’s movement in the right direction, though. As we transcend into a time where a larger chunk of our population is mixed-race/dual-heritage or simply a concoction of many cultures, it becomes ever more important for us hybrids to establish our own identity. Which for me is neither British nor Taiwanese, it'd be mixed (but I’d call myself a ‘halfie’). My boyfriend is French-Vietnamese (but raised and educated in China/South Africa/England) and the many dimensions to his cultural identity is definitely an important asset to me. People exposed to a wealth of different people and customs have an undoubtedly deeper perception of the world.
Being different opens up a multitude of opportunities in life at large; I feel as though my mixed heritage has given me the audacity to do things in my own unique way without having to look at anyone else for permission. Looking slightly different sparks conversations beyond small talk. I have recently stumbled across the online mixed-race community and life has become so much richer as a result! I met for the very first time another person with the same mix as me. We got in touch through the Subtle Halfie Traits Facebook Group and met up at the Mixedracefaces exhibition in Peckham. I find the mixed-race community so inclusive and accepting, no one saying that you don’t belong because you’re not ‘X’ enough.
Having said that, I don’t think I truly felt a sense of community until very recently. Finding your tribe comes way after establishing your own identity and I feel I’ve only just become solid in who I am and found the circles I feel accepted into, culturally speaking. While some people idealise mixed-raceness, the reality is that racism/prejudice is still there. Fortunately, I haven’t experienced any extreme forms of these, but even classmates pulling squinty eyes at me and calling me derogatory words when I was 12 years old entrained in me a sense of otherness that has only been diluted in recent years. I think the hardest thing about being mixed and born of a first-generation migrant parent is seeing the difficulties they have faced as a result of being both ethnically and culturally ‘other’. My Mother is a strong woman yet peoples’ stereotypes have served as a massive barrier to her integration into this country.
Mum makes some cracking food for Lunar New Year / Mid-Autumn Festival etc. She has worked in Chinese supermarkets/restaurants so I’m lucky to have been exposed to some of her favourite food! I have a jade Guan Yin necklace from my Grandmother which I think is what I most associate with Mum’s heritage. When she gave it to me, she said how much she was comforted by the thought that the goddess Guan Yin would protect Mum, and her babies, in the foreign lands of England. Just last month, me and my sisters visited Taiwan for the first time in our lives. We’ve been saving for years to finally make it a reality, and I cannot describe how surreal and incredible it was to meet my family for the first time. We visited Mum’s old stomping grounds, where she met Dad, where she first worked, the night markets she used to frequent and for the first time ever we were able to experience all the things she told us stories of when we were younger. Despite only being able to speak to our Grandparents through Google Translate, we got a sense of where all of our Mum’s attributes originated; her kindness, gentleness. Her paranoia and stubbornness. Her dark brown eyes. Bear in mind that this is also the first time I’ve met lots of other Taiwanese people: other people that look like Mum! It filled a hole in my soul, I’m sure of it.
In the past I’ve had very little initiative to explore Mum’s culture. I’ve never recognised how different the mixed-race experience is that of those who are born into one predominant heritage/culture. I didn’t quite understand what being ‘different’ meant in my own context, especially since I was not blessed with many mixed-race role models growing up. As my circles expand and grow ever more diverse, thus as I become ever more inquisitive of my own culture, community and identity. I can see myself as a part of society a lot more than I used to. Maybe it’s a thing of age, but I do think social inclusion and media representation has contributed to making me feel less marginalised, more connected and acknowledged. I have no doubt that as cities become more globalised and the people more cosmopolitan, we’ll make way for much richer communities where mixed people become part of the majority.
I’ve been working at my old secondary school where I’m privileged to have been exposed to many different ethnicities, cultures and heritages. But I feel, in an area where socio-economic issues are rife, there is less space in young people’s lives and minds to be exploring social issues such as culture and identity. Which is why I came to understand my heritage so late, my environment didn’t compel me to seek inclusion. Now I’m starting university so expect to be surrounded by a much more international crowd, which I’m sure will help.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would maybe to be more aware of my own heritage, to have the opportunity to learn Mandarin from a younger age. Otherwise I wouldn’t change a thing, with all the adversity of being mixed-race included.