British | Mauritian
I find this question quite difficult, as it’s something I’ve always struggled with. Is it a question of where I was born, where my parents are from, where I grew up or where I live now? Sometimes I just like to call myself a woman of the world. My Mum is Mauritian, and my Dad is British, I was born in Brunei and grew up in Australia – but have lived in the UK for the last 9 years. My Australian accent isn’t very strong, but I still feel a connection with the country, as I spent my whole childhood there. Yet when travelling recently with my British fiancé, I found myself saying I was British as it was easier than explaining the whole story. But for ease, as I know this gets shortened I’m Australian/British/Mauritian.
My Mum is from Mauritius (a mix of African, French and Indian), whilst my Dad is from England. They met in the Seychelles whilst both working there as teachers. They then travelled the world together, worked in Brunei and had me, moved to Australia and then went their separate ways. My Mum lived in Australia for over 25 years, before she moved to UK with my Step-Dad 5 years ago.
Honestly, I don’t think I fully recognised or understood that I was mixed-race until about 10 years old. Perhaps I always felt it, in the desire as a child to fit in or from comments that other kids made, but it was when I understood that I was being treated differently from others that it really sunk in. Queensland, where I grew up, is a very single culture society – I think it’s changing these days, but when I was there you were either white or aboriginal/islander – and being the latter came with some negative connotations. As I grew older, travelled more and then moved to the UK – I came to realise the joy and beauty that comes with being mixed race and look back on those times I struggled with my identity as a lesson in growth and really embracing who I am and what I’m made of.
I felt I couldn’t value my Mauritian side for a really long time in Australia. I was made to feel different and at times wrong all through school – and whilst it wasn’t always overt, it was always there. I remember writing stories as a child where I was White. In high school, I had some pretty obvious racism towards me by people I thought were my friends, and whilst I had a core group of fantastic friends for support, I always felt that they didn’t really understand what I was going through. Even after moving to Brisbane for university, I had people refuse to share taxis with me or congratulate me on having a job, because of the colour of my skin. It wasn’t until I came to UK on exchange when I was 19, that I realised it didn’t have to be that way and actually it was an honour to have such a diverse background.
I do however also connect with being Australian. I lived there for over 20 years and have an amazing group of friends that I sadly don’t get to see enough of! I am much more Australian than British when it comes to some aspects of my personality; like my openness to talk to anyone, my directness and my love of the sunshine and the sea! Now in my 30s I couldn’t be happier with who I am and where I have come from. It’s an absolute privilege to be connected to so many cultures and have the opportunity to combine all the things I love about my different backgrounds.
I grew up with just my Mother for most of my life, so it was about combining the Australian culture we were living in with her Mauritian upbringing and her years in the UK with my Father before I was born. I think we created a hybrid culture together whilst I was growing up, manifesting in a love of travel and different cultures, the importance of food in bringing people together, a real openness between each other that other families didn’t seem to have and an accent that mixes all the cultures together! Whilst my Father lived abroad from when I was 5, I did still feel a connection with my British side, because of the links I had with my grandparents and family over here. I think that exposure throughout my life is definitely a huge part of why I ended up moving here.
Growing up in Australia as a mixed-race person was hard. Prejudice towards me was there from as long as I can remember – from being told I was the colour of poo when I was in kindergarten, to being ignored in bars when I got older. I spent a lot of my upbringing feeling like an outsider and wishing I was someone different. It even affected me in terms of the ‘normal’ rite of passage into womanhood. For all of my teenage years I couldn’t find make-up for my skin tone. I remember writing a letter at 14 to a magazine (never published) asking why there was no representation of people with darker skin tones in Australian society. Even when I went back recently to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends, the bride had to be very selective with her make-up artist as was told by one that they didn’t have anything to go with my skin tone and I should bring my own!
I have definitely become much choosier about who I have in my inner circle, but I don’t think I realised the importance of it until I met my fiancé Jack. Whilst he is white British, he grew up in London surrounded by an array of diversity and now is a teacher in a school with children from all sorts of backgrounds. The fact that he encourages diversity to shine through (and it’s a key part of why he’s a teacher) helped me define what I wanted in a partner. The friends I hold dear have very similar values to me, in that they are open-minded and look at life through a wide lens. I am blessed to be able to talk openly and honestly about my experiences, and have them take the time to empathise, celebrate and laugh with me through it all. I really don’t think I could have embraced who I was, as well as I have, without them.
Foodwise it’s more about sharing meals together and using food as a way to show you love someone. When I spend time with my Mum and Step-Dad, we spend most of our time in the kitchen and around the dinner table –and to me that’s what love is! Music-wise I’ve always had an eclectic taste from Gypsy Kings to Phil Collins; however, my true love is 90s RnB. I think that definitely came at a time I was trying to define who I was and connected with me on a level I’d never had before. It’s hard being a little Brown girl and only hearing/seeing a White perspective! Language wise, as a child I was stubborn and shunned my Mother’s attempt to teach me French (she didn’t even try Creole)! I did however go on to study French at school, live in Toulouse for a year and am about to begin French lessons again in an attempt to one day be fluent! Fashion and hair not so much. I go for easy fashion as I like to be comfortable. I do like a splash of colour, but I’m not sure if that’s cultural or just a love for bringing brightness into the sometimes cold and dreary days that living in the UK brings. I guess that’s the Australian in me!
I actually could not be prouder to be mixed-race now, particularly when I travel. In so many places I travel to, the people think I am from the country I’m in. I’ve had Arabic spoken to me in France, Spanish spoken to me in New York, Tamil spoken to me in Sri Lanka and Cambodians asking if one of my parents was from there. I always joke I could be a spy as I blend in everywhere, but really it just enhances my love of travel and other cultures – as I can feel connected and at home anywhere. I’ve tried not to let being mixed-race affect the way I blend into society anymore – but I think it massively helps that I live in London. When I travel to some of the small towns or villages in the UK, I do sometimes feel like I stick out. Workwise I’ve never let it affect me – I think any discrimination I feel is more to do with being a woman than it does to do with being mixed-race. The main place it really affects me is in terms of politics. I am a strong advocate for equal representation of people’s voices and stories and I do feel personally attacked when people make backhanded comments about race and immigration. I’d love to do more to help ensure different voices are heard and represented - hence finding this project such a powerful thing – and continue to seek out the best way to do so in my own life.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return the same – everything happens for a reason they say, and I genuinely love the fact that I am different and all that means in this world.