English | Jamaican – NHS Business Partner
I identify as mixed Afro Caribbean & White; My Mother was Jamaican and my Father is a White Englishman, originating from Southall, London. Mum came to the UK back in the 60’s and initially settled in London to complete her nurse training before moving to the countryside. I think this suited her lifestyle better, as she was raised in the country back in Jamaica. My parents met through the arts & music scene and from what I have been told, had quite a wild time until my brother and I were born. I was lucky enough to have a free and bohemian upbringing in the Suffolk countryside, roaming in nature. Although it was strict, we were given choices around religion, although I did have to attend Sunday school on visits to Mums Black friends. We always ate a healthy range of food, including Jamaican options. It must have been hard to buy these products back in the 70’s.
Sadly, Mum and Dad split and divorced when I was very young, but we still saw him on a regular basis. Mum insisted on it and to this day, it has held me in good stead about the right thing to do if a family does break up.
I remember growing up feeling uncomfortable about some of my Fathers 'lazy' racist comments with his White friends. I remember feeling weird about that. I was a child of the 70's, therefore experienced first-hand the issues around interracial relationships not being accepted. Nowadays, interracial relationships are much more accepted, although I have experienced unconscious and uneducated racism from partners (both Black and White). We cannot choose who we fall in love with, it is society that seems to make our choices on our behalf and create divide.
My Mother rarely talked about colour, although I know her values and identity were really strong. She talked more about standing up for my beliefs, standing up for myself, striving and having to work harder to be better. I watched my Mother face the most disgusting racial abuse in her workplace and society, so I knew why she guided me this way and for that I am eternally grateful. I always say that ’she trained me’ to be who I am today, although my Dad definitely had a positive influence too. Sadly, Mum passed away in 2016 and I often wonder what she would make of the world we live in now.
I sometimes feel as though I’m 'more accepted' because my complexion is light and maybe that people misunderstand my strong Black cultural identity, given that I was raised by a Jamaican woman. I still get confused when people look at me, especially outside London, it's as though they are looking at me because I am ‘different’, maybe I am wrong. This bothers me less now, although through some painful realisations and especially in light of the COVID pandemic and then the death of George Floyd, I got to realise how much I' marginalised myself and spent my a lot of my adult life 'fitting in' but still I never questioned my true identity.
If I had the opportunity to return and go back, I would again choose to be as I am.