English | Singaporean – BHF Digital Delivery Manager
I identify as a Cis female, British Asian. Sometimes I choose 'Other', I feel that there is an assumption about what 'British Asian' represents and I feel I don't fit that label. I am Agnostic, I don’t think there is a God but if there is one, that's cool.
My Mum is from Singapore, and my Dad from Bradford, West Yorkshire. My Dad was a Merchant Navy Captain and travelled a lot. He’d visited Singapore a number of times. He and his shipmates became good friends with Mum and her friends and they all would go dancing together. They went on a date after one of Mum’s friends arranged it. They moved to the UK in 1974 and lived with Dad’s parents before getting a house of their own and marrying in the same year.
Looking back at the photos of the big day, it’s quite a funny picture. A dreary day in West Yorkshire with my stern looking Grandparents smartly dressed, my Dad in a 70s style suit, and Mum in bright pink and silver sari with her Brown complexion compared to the other pale faces. So she really stood out back then. My Mum is Muslim, and Dad is Church of England. Mum was lucky, her parents were quite open to her marrying a non-Muslim. I think because her oldest sister married an American before her (although he did convert to Islam, my Dad didn’t) it was easier for her to marry a European by the time she did. The differences between their cultures wasn’t a big deal, religion and language wasn’t an issue, they had similar interests in travelling, culture and food so probably why they were together for a long time (however they are no longer together now).
My culture has had a positive impact on my choice of partners, possibly subconsciously. My husband is Danish, (we met at university) we have the same passion in culture and food, as does his parents, so it’s something that has definitely influenced my relationships.
Sometimes I avoid answering ‘where do you come from?’. I find it hard to answer, I don’t feel typically British or Asian. I’ve been fortunate to never have to actively hide my identity for any reason.
I’d like to think that people are more accepting of interracial relationships, that people now are more accepting of all different kinds of relationships, not just interracial. Growing up in Cornwall in the 80s there very few (if any) Asians and none at primary or secondary school. I’d get racially bullied, mostly name calling. Thankfully it didn’t impact me too much as I had good supportive friends around me. Nowadays I enjoy the fact that I look different and people can’t automatically make assumptions about me based on my looks. I learn the most about Mum’s religion when we visit Singapore. We used to visit often when I was younger and when more family lived there, but I’ve not been for a few years. More recently, having lost family members, there are a lot of Muslim ceremonies which highlight (to me) the different practices between Christianity and Islam. I wouldn’t want to compare the two cultures, but I do feel that they do reflect the respect each culture has for the older generations.
I’ve been fortunate that being mixed-race hasn’t had much of a negative impact on my life. More recently I have felt I don’t know enough about my Asian heritage having grown up in the UK and I’ve been more proactive in expanding my knowledge about Asian culture. But I am more comfortable now than in my younger years with who I am.
London is such a diverse mix of cultures and I’ve been lucky to have worked in companies where they’ve been conscious about diversity (with some exceptions around gender pay). There are always improvements to be made in encouraging more diversity in the workplace and with the new Kaleidoscope team, the BHF are making further positive steps on this. I think as individuals we can work on calling out in work, social and family situations where casual racism is not OK. Often people don't realise they are making negative comments because it’s part of their everyday dialogue.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn, I would want to be one of my cats. They have an easy life; being fed and sleeping all day. Plus they don’t care what colour they are!
I feel that during the pandemic I’ve been able to manage well. I’ve very lucky to have space to work comfortably and a garden to enjoy the good weather we’ve had over the summer.
I'm also happy to enjoy more time with my husband and cats. Recently I’ve been using the Calm app which has helped with sleeping and focus on being grateful for small things. The articles and resources that the BHF provide for mental wellbeing have also been really helpful. Not having to commute has also been a huge bonus.