Scottish | Malayali - NHS Business Support Officer / PA
I identify as a Christian man of mixed heritage. My Mum was brought up in Manchester but is originally from Scotland (Skye). My Dad was Malayali, born and brought up in Singapore. He originates from Kerala in South India. They met at a party in London, where they had both moved for work. My Dad saw her speaking with all these different guys and then sauntered up to her at one stage in the night and said, ‘when is it my turn to talk with you?!’. He then planned a very elaborate party just to get my Mum to see him again, and she knew she was interested in him when she saw the pristine Christmas tree at his flat. It had these big red ribbons tied in bows and she loved it.
My parents really championed our learning about different cultures, their own and other peoples. They each did this in different ways and it wasn’t perfect. I have grown up loving the food that my Father loved, the fusion of cuisines that grace the hawker centres of Singapore. My Father did not teach us his mother tongue (Malayalam) and to this day I don’t really know the true reason for this. My Mum continues to reveal the good in Britishness, she gave us a love and appreciation for Morecambe and Wise, the Beatles and for me, a love of ‘the north’. They both worked full-time when we were growing up and so we had au-pairs from a young age. This is probably one of the best gifts my parents didn’t know they were giving us. Growing up I learned bits of Czech, Slovak, Italian; our au-pairs were part of our family and some have remained in contact for years. I owe my love of difference and learning about other nations and peoples to my parents.
I became aware recently of a desire I had as a child for my children to have mixed heritage. I realise now that being mixed, means that my children would have a mixed heritage whoever my partner may be and regardless of their heritage. I am trying to acknowledge and celebrate the hope I had as a child, without it creating limits to loving someone. I don’t have an example of concealing my identity that springs to mind, but I do think I am still discovering all of the different parts to it. A discovery of becoming conscious of it, if you will.
Both sets of Grandparents had their concerns about my parents’ marriage. My Father’s Father did not speak to him for a year. I think interracial relationships are so rich and should be celebrated, partly because they are a beautiful display of unity within humanity, but also because I think they come with a unique set of challenges that when overcome communicates very powerfully, both to the individuals and those around them.
I enjoy not being pinned down to a specific culture, and people always trying to guess where I am from is both a positive and a challenge with my racial identity. There have been many times in my life that I have enjoyed ‘the game’ of people trying to work out where I am from, and the diverse list of answers I could give you is astounding! Simultaneously, there have been many times where I’ve actually struggled with not being ‘easily identifiable’, as though I have wanted people to look at me and stereotypically judge me as a racial identity that is accurate to my heritage. I said to a friend the other day, I have struggled with not feeling fully accepted by South Indian/Singaporean’s because I am understood as White, and not really feeling belonging within the UK because my expression of self and the way I look is not ‘White British’. I’m still reconciling this, part of me would love to go and live in one of the cultures I’ve been mistaken for over the years, learn their language and their social norms, and eventually take on their citizenship, just for the ambiguity to ease- in a way, I doubt it would.
Growing up we visited Kerala, Singapore and Malaysia as holidays several times. I quickly learned that holidays abroad often meant we were going to visit family, rather than have an actual ‘holiday’. I have been to Kerala twice as a child, and Singapore several times as a child, teen and an adult. I still don’t really know them or what it is to be from there, but I would like to. I’ve lived in the city my mum was brought up in (Manchester) as a student, and it feels like home to me. My older brother lives in Scotland now, but I’m still yet to make it up to Skye. I feel a tension of wanting to take a holiday to visit and learn about my heritage vs. the emotional labour of doing this being somewhat in contradiction with ‘resting from work’, but it’s important to me so it’s going to have to happen at some point!
I think my mindset has matured, but in some ways it hasn’t changed. I think being mixed remains something I love about myself, however as a child I did not know of the challenges I might face at border crossings as an adult when on holiday to the US. Travelling alone to America for the first time was an eye-opening experience and it has informed the way I hold my mixed heritage. I would hope that as I grow older, learn even more about the world and the nuances of mixed heritage that my thinking about being mixed-race would evolve too.
I recently changed jobs; however I have worked for NHS trusts for the last 4-5years. I think that there is a lot of good and overt work that has been done to make NHS employees feel understood, known and included when it comes to gender and sexuality. I do feel however there is still a lot of work to be done around workplaces understanding, celebrating and embracing the benefits, challenges and beauty of different cultures. Working within mental health for the last few years, I can say that I have seen the incredible work of many people of colour/non-British people in taking care of some of the most unwell people in our local community. I have seen both good and bad examples of how culture has enabled and hindered the care of patients. I feel that there is a need for both public and private sector employers to consider the ever diversifying population of this country, and to do the work of learning to enable safe and developing work environments, where good racial-norm difference can be adopted and racial-norm difference which hinders care (in the case of the NHS) can be addressed, discussed and changed.
My initial thoughts around reincarnation seem quite fickle, they mostly are something like ‘one of the countries from the Mediterranean that I’ve been mistaken for, because I love some much about that part of the world, and they have such confidence in their nationhood and cultural identity’. But reflecting a little longer, I suppose my answer would be that I would like to be reborn as I am, but with the confidence I see in some peoples/cultures/nations in owning ‘racially’ who they are. I did a degree in social anthropology in Manchester, I love talking about people and culture so much I studied it!
My Father passed away 3 years ago this November so speaking about him is sometimes quite raw, and I have been navigating many different responses and emotions about my race, belonging and racial identity without him here in these last few years.
During the pandemic I have stayed connected with friends / church community. Leaning into my faith to choose kindness towards myself and others. Memes, familiar TV shows & walking around my neighbourhood - trying to take notice of the things I would normally overlook.