English/Irish | Jamaican
I am proud to identify as mixed-race or mixed-Black of English/Irish & Jamaican heritage. It is deeply important to me to recognise and embrace all of the different, beautiful cultures that make me unique, however, I believe that my race does not define me as a whole person. Over the last few years, I have been exploring my family tree and it has been exciting and enlightening to trace my ancestry back to Nigeria as well as Southern Ireland. I am non-religious; however, I believe that each person has an individual spiritual path. My values, attitude and beliefs resonate with many different religious principles that have significant importance to me such as compassion, empathy, courage, and community.
Both of my parents were born in Britain; however, my Mum is of English/Irish heritage and my Dad Jamaican heritage. My Grandparents on my Dad’s side originate from Clarendon, Jamaica and my Dad returned there when he was 7 years old. His Grandfather had passed away and his Grandmother needed help to look after the land. My Grandmother’s family on my Mums side originate from Cork in Ireland. My parents met when they were young at secondary school. Inter-racial relationships at that time were complicated and were often met with disproval and hostility. My Mum would often say that my Grandmother disapproved of the relationship, she would have come from a time were ‘racial mixing’ and ‘race crossing’ divided opinion massively in Britain.
As a child I remember growing up in a household filled with reggae and British reggae/pop music. My musical taste which is very eclectic as well as my love of dancing reflects the cultures that are part of my DNA. My Mum would cook versions of Caribbean food which I absolutely loved and still do as a way of bringing the family together. I feel at peace being within multi-culture environments, the diversity energises me. I have found that being mixed-race I can adapt well to diverse cultural situations especially with language and mannerisms.
I was an inquisitive and reflective child and even from an early age I understood that some people in society would view me as Black or different. I have experienced isolation within both cultures who have made it clear that I was not accepted within the community. It makes you feel that you are not Black enough or White enough which results in a constant mental tug of war. It can either make you feel like you need to choose a side or, it forces you to become a chameleon of sorts, to be more palatable within each culture.
When my parents separated, we moved from a diverse multi-cultural area to a predominantly White area which was not welcoming. As an adult, I now understand the reasons for moving, however, it was an incredibly challenging time for myself as it was the first time, I recognised how my mixed cultural background was different to everyone else’s. Even from an early age I was aware of the disapproving looks from neighbours and parents at the school gates who really did not know what to make of us. I would regularly hear the term ‘half caste’ and asked, ‘where are you from/what are you?’. At such a young age those comments and views contribute to making you feel like you are not a whole person and where you belong in the world.
My Mum was a single parent who worked hard to look after us but for her it was about survival and keeping us safe which left little time for deep discussions and explanations about race, cultures, and identities. I need to point out that it would have been difficult for my Mum who would have been learning too, there were no resources available at that time to help us navigate these experiences or to make sense of them, it was not recognised as an issue.
I knew from an early age that my future solely rested on me having a growth mindset and turning these situations and disadvantages into opportunities. My natural curiosity helped me to overcome the early negativity I faced around my mixed heritage. Education saw me through these challenging times, I was always reading, especially historical books. I educated myself to gain knowledge and understanding about the world around me. I did not have any opportunity to connect with my Dad’s side of my family for a long time. However, when we moved once again, I was able to develop much more of a diverse friendship group that helped me to experience a wide variety of cultures. This gave me the opportunity to view things from different perspectives and enabled me to connect with both cultures.
From an early age I loved that my first name was unique, I had never and have yet to meet any one with the same name. however, when we moved to a predominantly White area, I am embarrassed to say that became uncomfortable with my name quite quickly. The rest of my siblings had ‘normal’ English sounding names; my name made me feel hypervisible when all I wanted to do initially was blend in. Although, family members would shorten it as a term of affection, most people would shorten it as they found it difficult to pronounce or spell correctly. I remember a teacher saying that my name was hard to remember so she would call me Dee, this has shaped my relationship with my name to this day with my full name rarely ever being used.
I reconnected with my Dad at the age of 21. During the pandemic, I started to investigate my family history. I found that I had been named after my Dad’s favourite cousin who was a strong, independent, trailblazer of a woman and that made me immensely proud of the history and heritage of my name. I now understand that it was other people’s difficulties and uncomfortableness with my name that I found challenging. I appreciate the history and the beauty of my name more than ever now and have been actively choosing to be addressed with my full name moving forward.
At the time when we moved areas, my hair would have been big and very curly, which I loved. However, everyone around me was White with poker straight hair. I remember wanting to blend in and look like everyone else and I became obsessed with having straight hair. It would also have been easier for my Mum to manage straight hair being a single parent to three young girls. I remember begging my Mum to chemically straighten my hair and she eventually gave in.
It was something that I would massively regret later as it was the start of a vicious cycle and I remember being embarrassed when having to wrap my hair at night at my friends’ houses again demonstrating how different I was to them. Even when I felt a bit braver to try braids at school, the hairstyle was met with confusion along with the odd negative comment which made me feel even more out of sync with everyone there and it put me off having braids again for many years. Both experiences were influential in understanding that I was mixed-race, and they contributed massively to feeling different to everyone else. When I was younger, I did not have the opportunity to talk about these feelings with someone with the same lived experience. Now, I am very confident and comfortable, and I do not feel the pressure to fit in with mainstream society.
My Grandfather on my Dad’s side passed away recently. I did not realise that amount of regret and disappointment I would feel around not having visited him and my family in Jamaica before his death. It has made me even more determined to travel and meet other members of my family who are based in Jamaica, Canada and Ireland, as well as discovering more around my Nigerian heritage so that I can strengthen those important connections. I am not one race; I am many and I am excited to explore this further.
Experiencing microaggressions and racism were part of my journey growing up in a work environment, even as a young student I clearly remember an incident where an individual within the workplace racist front of me and it went completely unchallenged by other more senior people within the room. I also remember an individual who openly said that they did not believe or approve of interracial relationships. Although I challenged both at the time, at those points I was still trying to navigate the world and was not the confident woman I am today.
I have worked at senior levels within the NHS and currently work within healthcare academia as an Associate Professor - Head of Department. Although I am proud of undertaking both roles and the impact that I have been able to have, I understand and accept that I may experience more privileges and advantages than many Black women due to being a mixed-Black woman with light skin. I always view this with an historical lens to understand the root and the social and economic impact of this privilege.
It is well documented that structural inequality still exists within the NHS and Academia due to White dominance and positions of power and privilege being the norm. As a mixed-Black woman I am more likely to experience conscious and unconscious bias as well as derogatory discriminatory behaviours due to the unique challenge of navigating race and gender inequalities. This can have a significant impact on career progression and promotion, which is demonstrated by the current figures showing a significant lack of diversity within senior roles across the NHS and academia.
The lack of role models and individuals who look like us with the same lived experiences is a significant barrier to mixed-Black women attaining senior roles. The vulnerability and hypervisibility places additional pressure on us to become chameleons within the workplace for fear of repercussions within recruitment processes or being accepted amongst our peers. Navigating these challenges can have a significant impact and the psychological, physiological, and social stress that can lead to racial battle fatigue cannot be ignored.
I believe that it is hard to be what you cannot see so I have always utilised my knowledge, experience, and positions to be a role model to others. There have been many times where my ethnicity, age and gender have impacted me not having a seat at the table. So now I bring my own chair and table to ensure that there is clear representation and that there are fair and equitable opportunities for all.
Ruby Bridges is one of my role models. Every day I look at the picture of her as a 4-year-old girl, walking into the all-White William Frantz Elementary School with the help of four federal marshals to keep the angry crowd away as they hurl abuse at her. I think of how she and her family navigated the challenges of racist abuse, the loss of their jobs and their farm and I am reminded of her strength, determination, and courage to promote tolerance, respect, and appreciation of those who are different to us. We rise by lifting others, so it is important that I continue to create room and empower those who feel that their voices may not be heard.
My outlook on being mixed-race has definitely changed from a child to an adult. If I could have my time again, I would not change one thing. Even though I felt isolated and dismissed when I was younger, I grew to love being mixed-race and I became comfortable with identifying that I am made up of quite different but exciting cultures. I am unique and my differences are now something that I draw strength from.
Being mixed-race drives me to undertake a deep dive into my ancestry, to step out of my comfort zone and that of others so that I can ask questions about my heritage. During the pandemic I was thrilled to find resources and safe spaces such as Mixedracefaces, podcasts and groups that discuss the complexities of the mixed experience. They have been key to understanding myself and our shared experiences more and have resulted in some fantastic friendships and connections.
To navigate how I fit into this world, I read a lot of books, travel and visit museums and historical places as a way of connecting with each of my cultures. Technology has opened a wealth of opportunities to explore our cultures and I regularly listen to podcasts which share stories and lived experiences and, I have even undertaken a DNA Ancestry test which has answered so many questions for me whilst also allowing me to feel more connected to my roots. I find power in embracing my differences even the ones that I still do not fully understand.
I love natural curiosity from others and take no offence as long as it comes from a place of learning. I still have a long way to go regarding exploring my cultures, but I see it as an exciting adventure to build upon my own story and that of my ancestors.
We know that there are significant issues with racial inequality within recruitment and wider workplaces. Firstly, organisations and individuals need to acknowledge that there is an issue with racial inequality. We need to have a more critical approach to racism so that we can positively challenge and make visible the invisible bias that can exist.
Although legislation and policy continue to shape our experiences the impact of this is questionable. We must aim higher than EDI mandatory training to influence change. Building stronger more effective community and workplace cultures requires anti-racism to be embedded within values, training and have measurable and visible actions. Organisations need to take stock of their current positions and be more open to feedback so that they can understand individuals lived experiences more.
If we are to build inclusivity and diversity within the workplace, we need to tackle unconscious bias within recruitment processes. Many people are failing to acknowledge their own biases and flaws and we as leaders must establish inclusive workplace cultures. It is important that diverse voices are heard, and that employees see themselves reflected within different areas. Clear recruitment and retention plans that focus on the diversity of people on the recruitment panel as well as mentorship and coaching to support individuals is essential.
We need to ensure that there is a commitment to zero tolerance to all forms of disrespectful behaviour and that appropriate and timely action is being taken to ensure that individuals feel supported and valued.