Dutch | Zambian
My Father is from the Netherlands, and my Mother is from Zambia. My Mother was working as a nurse at a district hospital in Western Zambia, in the early 1980's, when my Father got hired as a data analyst in the laboratory of the hospital for a few years, relocating from the Netherlands. Not being direct colleagues, but working at the same hospital, they met through a common acquaintance. They started dating and both kept working at the hospital in Zambia for several years. Initially, my Mother wasn't sure about going to the Netherlands with my Father. After a few more years though, my Mother was convinced, and they got married in the Netherlands. Shortly after their wedding, they moved to Yemen for a couple of years, also working at a local hospital. Early 1990's, they officially moved to the Netherlands to settle, and raised my brother and me there.
It has always been very normal for me to have a White Father and a Black Mother. It's not that I tried to ignore it, it was just completely normal for me and therefore never thought about it. It wasn't until I got older that I actually considered this as something unique and valuable.
My brother and I were born and raised in the Netherlands, but the Zambian culture has always been present in our house. Both my parents made an effort to familiarize us with our Zambian side, so they took us to Zambia several times for holidays as kids. I intend to visit many more times! Being a part of Zambia's everyday life, and understanding it, is very important to me. I find myself wanting to learn as much as possible about my Mother's culture, and I just love to absorb everything that's going on around me when we're in Zambia. As a child, and even as a teenager, I was too young to really grasp or understand the different way of life. In my young adulthood, however, I have become much more aware of how cultures work, and how beautifully different they can be.
My Mother's first languages are English and Tonga (which is the local tribe she's from). Unfortunately, she never taught us the latter, but she did teach us English. She speaks Dutch fluently as well, but finds it natural to keep speaking English with my Father, like they used to. We cook Western dishes mostly, but when we have visitors, my Mom likes to prepare a traditional Zambian meal. My upbringing was very Dutch in that sense, but my parents did raise us with African hospitality, spontaneousness and flexibility. Compared to Zambian people, our customs would still be very Dutch. In the Netherlands, however, we are generally more laid back than others.
I feel very confident with my skin color, and if you were to ask me where I'm from, you would hear the pride in my answer for sure. However, my hair texture has always been a sensitive issue. I used to relax my hair when I was younger (straightened with chemicals), because I thought that looked better. My Mom convinced me to stop relaxing my hair when I was 18, because it was too damaging. Now that I'm older, I realize that the Dutch/European standards I had been surrounded with had influenced my definition of beauty.
Throughout the years, I learned to embrace my hair texture, but I sometimes still catch myself being affected by what Dutch/European society considers as ‘beautiful’. I still wouldn't always want to draw too much attention to my voluminous hair. However, I do like to express my African roots with accessories, such as headbands or earrings with prints and bright colors.
This is probably a bit cliché, but I would have to say my Mother is my role model. She is what I consider a strong woman. I admire the way she left her home country, and built a whole new life in a whole different culture. Her confidence and the ability to speak up for herself is something I'm trying to learn from her.
I think dialogue is very important to tackle racial inequality. Inequality might be a result of ignorance and old-fashioned belief systems that lead to unequal opportunities to this day. I believe that mutual understanding can be a great start.
My parents are two of the most naturally open-minded people I know, with an aspiration for traveling and exploring. They both have the experience of living in a foreign country, and they infected me with their flexibility, wanderlust and acceptance for different cultures. I think that growing up in a multicultural environment, will automatically increase the range of your knowledge and understanding of the world. That's probably what I consider most valuable about my identity.
Some mixed-race people might feel they don't fully belong in either culture. And in a way, I can relate, as society considers me ‘Black’ in Europe, and ‘White’ in Africa. But for me personally, I feel home in both. It's like having the best of both worlds; I love telling my friends in the Netherlands about life in Zambia, and I equally love telling my Zambian family all about the Netherlands.
Sometimes, when we're in Zambia, local people won't always believe that I have Zambian blood. They think I'm too White. They start believing me when I tell them my first name, which is a typically local name. It's interesting to see how mixed-race people are perceived in different cultures, it's simply less common in some places than it is in others.
Building relationships with Zambian family members, I feel much more connected to my Zambian roots. I am lucky that there is no language barrier (except for my Grandmother, who doesn't speak English), so that helps a lot. Experiences from a visit to Zambia puts things into perspective in the Netherlands, or even the Western world in general. It can change some of my views on life, and make sure I don't take wealth for granted.
When growing up, I always said ‘my Mother is from Zambia’. Now, instead, I like to say ‘I'm half Zambian’. There is a difference in how I perceive my roots now; I used to feel that it's something that belonged to my Mother, but I later realized that it's a part of me, too.
My first name is Nalwenda, which is typically Tonga, the local tribe my Mother's from. When I was younger, I didn't care for it, because it was a name we never heard in the Netherlands. Now, I am very proud to have a Tonga name, that I also share with my Grandmother. It makes me feel connected to her in a special way.
In general, I feel like my ethnic background is being represented. I see it at my job, and sometimes also in Dutch society. Of course, I realize it's far from equal, but I don't expect it to be either. The fact that I belong to a minority group, is not something I resent. However, I do feel empowered by strong and powerful Black women.
When the pandemic started, two years ago, I had been struggling a bit with who I am and what I want. The months before the lockdown, I turned 25 and graduated. I was at an age and place where I had the world at my feet, yet, the world completely closed down. I remember crying from frustration several times, simply because I didn't know what direction to go with my life. I felt overwhelmed by the real world, and by the external pressure of it. I put the time to good use, the pandemic caused me to have time to reflect and figure out what actually interests me most in life, and what my next step was going to be. I took the lockdown as a chance to educate and develop myself, ultimately deciding to re-apply for university. I have taught myself how to create and follow my own course in life; one that is good for me, without comparing it to others my age. I took better care of myself mentally, blocking out negative external influences, and really focussed on me and my personal development and mental well-being, and even picking up a few new hobbies.