Dutch | Zanzibari
I thought I was handling the pandemic well in the beginning but it was quite the opposite. I spent too much time all by myself and ended up getting a little too much in touch with my feelings and that's how I figured I was bothered by things that had to do with being mixed race as well. My Mom was born in the Netherlands and my Dad was born in Zanzibar
My mom was working on Pemba (the island next to Zanzibar) and on the weekend she visited Zanzibar because there was a lot more to do. Eventually she went to have dinner at my fathers restaurant in Zanzibar and that's where the story started.
My father is Muslim and Zanzibari, my Mother has no religion (she believes there is a higher power though), and is Dutch. Despite the huge differences they had known while growing up they are very well invested in each other's cultures and surroundings. My Mom has been asked by my fathers family to become a Muslim, more than once actually but after my Dad told them this was her choice (no) they stopped asking and are fine with it now. My Dad accepts my Mom's choice, he is very open minded.
My Mom did buy the Quran to try and understand more of his religion. I think my Dad was open minded already but due to the input of my Mom who was raised very open minded this was an amazing combination. They bring the best selves out of each other. When they started the relationship my Dad moved to Holland with my Mom. They lived there till 2008 and after this they decided to move to Zanzibar to start their own hotel (my brother and I joined of course). We went to an international school for 2 years. It was a great experience but quite difficult as well, we just had to blend in at a young age knowing we would probably be moving back to Holland in 2 years. Since we moved back in 2010 my Dad would go up and down to Zanzibar and my Mom worked and lived in the Netherlands. They handle this in a great way but it has always been different than other families (which I have, till this day find a little difficult). As children my brother and I never learned Swahili (the language they speak in Zanzibar) because my father was learning dutch that time. I find it quite difficult though that we didn't learn the language because it is hard communicating with the older generation of my family in Zanzibar. My parents now speak a combination of Dutch and English when having a conversation.
Music is a big part of our love language as a family (me, my Brother, Mom and Dad). I remember us dancing to reggae or slow afro music from a very young age, till this day we all love this and I think it connects us all.
Recently I kind of had a hard time understanding why people ask me curtain questions and why I am most of the time seen as a White person and even in Zanzibar called a Muzungu (White person). I think that is one of the reasons my questions started. In the Netherlands talking about culture to Zanzibari people they never totally understand me (they find things 'weird' or tend to act like they understand) except if they are mixed race as well. I am always somewhere in between and actually didn't realise many people feel the same as me. I am in my 4th year at an Art Academy in Utrecht and we have to graduate with a project by choice. It's funny how this matched right up with how I was feeling at that time. I decided to turn those struggles into a project (Doubleblood, in Holland mixed-race people have always been called half blood). I interviewed more than 20 mixed-race people to learn that they also have been feeling a type of way (everyone is in a very different process though), I met a lot of new people and it was so nice to hear everyone and identify with them (the good and the bad). I do tend to focus on the difficulties especially because it is not a subject spoken a lot about and in times when struggling it is nice to know you are not the only one having questions. My Art project is going to be an installation where I explain how it feels, to start the conversation.
I think by putting someone a little bit on the spot gives them the opportunity to think about it and maybe change their ways and thinking habits. I always feel very addressed when these racist comments are said, because it is part of me too. But who am I (who does have privileges) to be hurt. I noticed that I am more okay with who I am and the fact that I will always be somewhere in between. I already knew that I was proud and that it doesn't matter where you are from. I thought I was okay with it but now I am really embracing the fact I have such a rich background and I am getting more and more proud of the woman I am becoming. I'm different and I love it.
I have lived in Zanzibar from age 8 - 10. It was an amazing experience but I was never fully aware it was something special, but now I do really cherish these memories. I have always considered Zanzibar being my home. I still visit nearly every year and am very happy to. I would still love to learn how to cook a curtain dish from my Bibi (Grandma) but it's quite difficult to communicate so it would be with a kind of body language or my Dad can translate. I still really need to learn the language, it would feel much easier blending in Zanzibar. When I was younger I didn't really notice but when you get older you notice things, what people say and how people treat you.
I think mixed-race people are quite represented in the media but not because there is a certain feeling around being mixed-race, it’s because people find us interesting (for example; light skin and afro hair. I love listening and dancing to African/Arabic music, practising a little bit of Swahili sometimes and wearing small African fashion pieces sometimes. I live in Amsterdam so I live the way dutch people do, I guess.
The last time I cried was because I was telling my boyfriend how upsetting a situation was and he didn't understand me. There was this friend of my boyfriend and a girl, both of colour, we were playing a card game and then he said to her; 'no no white people first' and he looked at me. First of all it was a very stupid joke, second of all; I am not white! It feels like I have to convince so many people around me (or new) that I am mixed-race and it hurts, because I am so proud of who I am.
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