Dutch | Surinamese
My Mother, who was born in Surinam, is already quite an elaborate mix. She is Creole (we descend from Portuguese-Jewish slaveholders and West Africans), Indonesian, Chinese and Arawak (group of South American indigenous people). My Father is Dutch. My Mother moved to the Netherlands when she was seven years old, and she met my Father in Amsterdam in the 80s.
Even though my Mother has lived in the Netherlands for the largest part of her life, there is still a lot of racism, sexism and harmful prejudices related to skin colour in this country. Also, my Father’s parents would have rather seen him have children with a White woman. This resulted in a large amount of tension all throughout my childhood until we decided that we did not have to put up with this hostility. It was a valuable lesson to realize that toxic relationships can be abandoned, also if that means to break family bonds.
I would have loved to say that there is a huge difference between the generation of my (Grand)parents and mine, but the political climate in the Netherlands is terrifyingly intolerant and it rubs off on its citizens. I prefer to stay in my left-wing bubble where interracial and queer relationships are normal, but it always shocks me a little when I get confronted with the bigoted conservative views of the majority of the Dutch citizens. My Father once said to me, when we spoke about the present-day racial intolerance, that he and my Mother always thought that interracial relationships will be much more accepted in the future, but that he never expected things to be still as bad as they are today. Sad, but true.
I have learned a lot looking at the hardship my parents had to go through by simply wanting to be together. I also learned a lot from previous relationships and have certainly become more resolute in my choice of partners. It is exhausting to always be the educator on discrimination and to deal with exoticism. I would never let race play a role in my choice of partners, but I have zero tolerance for racist and sexist tendencies.
I have had mixed experiences in the past with employers. The racist/sexist ones are the worst to work for. They walk around with an air of superiority and really enjoy belittling you. I am very lucky with my current workplace. I work part-time in a vintage clothing store to pay for my studies and the managers of the store are the most humble, amazing persons I ever had to work for. In addition to my studies, I manage a feminist art collective called Pisswife (@pisswife). We are intersectional feminists with a critical perspective on society who make art to tell our stories. Meeting other feminists and activists is one of the best things of this business. Despite all the inequality in the world, we remind each other that we’re not alone in our fight against discrimination.
Being mixed-race is an important part of my identity. As an artist, whether I paint or write, I am always in search of myself. I question the status quo in our society and try to express how I experience my gender, my race and love. My race is certainly a crucial source of inspiration for my art.
Where are you really from?’. Every mixed-race person knows this question. I don’t mind talking about my heritage; it’s a rich complex story and an important part of my identity. But what bothers me is when I answer the actual question truthfully, ‘I am born and raised in Amsterdam’, I get sceptical looks and the comment: ‘Well, you don’t look Dutch’. What happens here is that they suggest I must be born abroad because of my appearance. I hate the question because it makes me feel displaced from my own country, as if I don’t fully belong here because of the way I look. Ask me about my heritage or the country of origin of my (Grand)parents and I am happy to share that with you. But stop asking me where I am really from.
Another point that bothers me is the constant picking apart of my identity/appearance and relating it to different races. Mixed-race people often have to endure being used to perpetuate unjust stereotypes. It makes me feel fragmented, for lack of a better expression, and different. As if I’m always floating in between and never belong anywhere.
I visited Surinam once when I was very young. I hope to go back there one day, because there is a lot there that I need to see. The plantation fields where my enslaved ancestors worked, the area where my Mother lived, and the grave of my Great-Grandmother. I hope to visit Surinam with my parents sometime in the near future, because I think it will be a healing experience for my Mother as well as for myself.
I do realize that I have shared some pessimistic views on being mixed-race in a Western society, but despite all that I would want to return mixed-race if I were to be born again. It really does give you a broader perspective on the world, race and identity.