Dutch | Surinamese
I'm a 32 year old, mixed raced (I'd say 'dubbelbloed' in Dutch) woman. I live by myself in the centre of Amsterdam, where I was born. My Mom's Dutch and my Father is Surinamese, although he was born in Amsterdam. They met at their studies in Amsterdam and I believe they were working on a group project together. My Mom started speaking Surinamese (she had a Surinamese best friend) and my Dad was so shocked, because he never expected this White typical Dutch girl to speak the language of his parents!
My parents actually had similar upbringings. Because my Father was born in The Netherlands and he was completely established in the Dutch culture, there weren't many differences between the two of them besides the color of their skin. My Mom says she never had anyone make a comment about her dating/marrying a Black man, but she did tell me that one time someone didn't believe she was my sister's Mother because they look so different from each other.
You'd think I feel more Dutch because I grew up here. I've never been to Surinam and I don't speak or understand Sranangtongo. But because I'm not White, I never felt Dutch since in most social settings I'm a minority. I mostly feel like an 'Amsterdammer'. I do like combining Dutch and Surinamese culture. For example, on my birthday I make sure to have snacks from both cultures and a mix of Dutch and Surinamese music.
I grew up in the North of Amsterdam, which was super diverse. I think in my school class alone there were more than 10 different nationalities. I was never aware of the colour of my skin, until I moved to the Zaanstreek when I was 10. I ended up in a village that did not have much diversity. In high school I could count the non-White kids of the entire school on one hand.
Although I wasn't treated differently in high school, I knew I stood out of the crowd because of the color of my skin. I never blended in, but I tried to. For example by starting to straighten my hair every single day. Even till this day I am not always completely comfortable wearing my hair curly. The pretty White girls got boyfriends whilst no boy showed interest in me. It was almost like my feelings were confirmed; I was not good enough because of my skin color. I think it made me wary and protective of myself. I got scared to be rejected and I would put up a front. I made sure I friend-zoned guys first before they could do it to me. I made sure I made a joke about the color of my skin before anyone else could do it. I still hear people around me say ‘I could never see myself with a person of color’, which I find so hurtful and it makes me want to keep my guard up.
Sometimes I was confronted with being different. For example, by not being able to buy the same make-up (foundation) as my friends, because my skin color would never be available in stores. Or my White school friends not knowing what Keti Koti, Surinam Independence Day, is. I don't remember talking about it with anyone or complaining about it. It was just the way it was. Nowadays, having a very diverse friend group and living in the city centre of Amsterdam, being mixed-race doesn't occupy my mind on a daily basis. I'm proud of the color of my skin and love having perspectives on life from two cultures.
Try to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and understand you. True connections may help you feel seen. And also, what makes you different is also what makes you, you. You have perspectives, ideas and knowledge from multiple cultures which is such a flex!
When I was young, there weren't many positive role models in the media for girls that look like me. I remember having a note book that had two barbies on it: a White one and a light skin one. I thought the White Barbie was prettier. I remember thinking Baby Spice was the prettiest Spice Girl. I remember preferring Cinderella over princess Jasmine.
I admire the way Politician Sylvana Simons presents and carries herself in this society with all the hate she gets.
I've been called an exotic surprise, milk-chocolate, mocca-princess, a bounty. And people make jokes about whether I can or can not say the N-word. If I'm being honest I do make these jokes about myself too, I don't find these labels hurtful. I love cultures that are family based, that's something I miss in Dutch culture.
There's not enough non-White people at my job I believe. Of course people notice that I'm not White, but they're very hesitant to ask about my heritage. People may think it's rude to ask where I'm from, but honestly I don't mind it at all. Especially because a lot of people think I'm Moluks. When I tell them I'm half Surinamese Creole, they get super curious and I get asked for pictures of my parents a lot. Every once in a while I make my colleagues bami with chicken. My colleague who's from Curacao recently made us a famous Antillian dish and everyone loved it. It is nice to introduce others to different cultures.