Dutch | Singaporean
For the most part I introduce myself as Dutch-Singaporean. This is normally in response to the question ‘where are you from?’. My confusingly international accent often raises more questions, leading to a quick laundry list of all the places I’ve lived, the UK, the Netherlands, Malaysia, Qatar, and Hong Kong. I don’t identify with one of these places more than the other, but rather the combination of them. I also really identify with my international school experience, leading to a lot of excitement when I come across other international school kids. Since going to university I have come across the term ‘third culture kid’, which is somebody who has spent the majority of their formative years part of a culture that is their parents’ or their passport country. As the TCK term becomes more widespread, it also becomes a recognisable way to identify myself as.
My Dad is from the Netherlands and my Mom is from Singapore. My Mom is also a mix of Peranakan and Hokkien. Both small countries that like to reclaim land from the sea. They met in Singapore when my Dad was posted there for his first job out of university. I think my parents each shared their favourite parts of their own cultures with us while my sister and I were growing up. Holidays and family celebrations, both of which include copious amounts of food, were the earliest ways in which I can remember connecting to my cultures. I celebrated Sinterklaas, Christmas and Chinese New Year growing up, never questioning that these holidays are based on really different traditions. My favourite foods include pancakes, stroopwafels, yee sang and chicken rice. Since I didn’t live in either of my parents’ home countries until I was a teenager, I think that there wasn’t much friction to combining the two cultures, since we were in an environment where neither was really dominant. My parents shared the responsibility for passing on traditions and practices. My Dutch Father is perhaps the best mah-jong player at my house and my Singaporean Mom learned to make stamppot.
I’ve never explicitly asked my parents about how my Grandparents viewed their interracial relationship but considering how positive my relationship was with all of my Grandparents, I can’t imagine that there was much prejudice towards it. One thing I have noticed living internationally, is that my parents’ relationship and my mixed appearance is viewed differently in each country that I live in.
It’s a bit of a cliché but being mixed-race does mean that I can easily bond with people from many different places. I can’t however separate this benefit from my international experience. Anything that has a been positive, such as sharing in many different traditions, has also had a flipside that I never feel quite at home even in my native cultures.
I read that some find it challenging having your achievements equated to your ethnicity. I never really experienced this when I lived in Asia, but once I moved back to the Netherlands it was really frustrating having good grades and school prestation being equated to your ethnicity.
I often feel as if I am not wholly accepted within either of my cultures. I’ve been called ‘allochtoon’ in the Netherlands, a term used to describe those not considered properly Dutch, and when I’m in Asia my height alone makes me stand out.
Food is the main way I connect to my cultures, especially since it’s the easiest form to enjoy while living abroad. The first thing I learned to cook was pancakes, and the past few years I have put in the effort to learn how to prepare yee sang, chicken rice, and hor fun so that I can enjoy my favourite foods even while living in other places. Knowing where the nearest Asian supermarket has been key to surviving the pangs of stomach homesickness.
Luckily English is widely used in both the Netherlands and Singapore. When I was little, I think I must have started to struggle with Dutch because my parents swapped my sister and me to a Dutch school in the UK. Even though I hated taking Dutch lessons outside of school, I’m really grateful now that it means that I can be a ‘normal’ Dutch person, even if my accent doesn’t quite blend in. One of my goals is to learn some Bahasa and Cantonese or Mandarin so that I can engage more with my Asian heritage, though I have perhaps made a start by learning to play mah-jong in the last few years.
I have never visited either country to specifically learn about the cultures, as visiting Singapore and the Netherlands was mostly to see family. I especially enjoyed going to Singapore for Chinese New Year and joining all my cousins in the ang pao excitement.
I’ve had a really different relationship to my ethnicity depending on where I lived. When I lived in the UK and went to a Dutch school, I was very aware of the fact that I looked different to my Blonde Dutch friends. Once in Malaysia, I was aware of my mixed-race-ness in that I seemed to celebrate a very broad range of holidays. As I got older and became aware of the history of mixed-race relationships, I became a lot more grateful for my upbringing and how generally free from prejudice it was. As a university student it has continued to fascinate me, becoming the focus of my research that I carried out both for my bachelor’s and master’s degrees.
I can’t really imagine being born as any other race or combination of races, because being mixed-race is integral to how I perceive my parents’ relationship. Wanting to return different would mean wanting a different parent or wanting them to look different as well as myself. I’m grateful for the unique mix of genes. The occasional uncomfortable comments that I look ‘exotic’ are outweighed by people who are sincere in their interest in my background.