Bulgarian | Congolese
I am a person of the world, but I am a straight mixed-race woman.
My Mom is from Bulgaria and my Dad from Congo. They met on the street and my Dad asked her out. Back in the day not everyone was very acceptive of their interracial relationship. My Mom never said too much about my Dad to her family members growing up. To me, it felt like she grew ashamed of my Dad and his ethnicity because everyone in Bulgaria was so opinionated. My Mom always used to tell me how beautiful my skin color is and how all the best singers and athletes are Black. My Dad on the other hand used to ‘joke’ about me being White, and not being able to really fit in within the Black community. As a child, and even now I find it hard to really show my African side, I feel embarrassed that I am not Black enough somehow.
I’m closer with my Bulgarian side, because I was mostly raised by my Bulgarian Mom. I speak the language, love the country and its food. I also visit Bulgaria regularly and I have a lot of family and friends there. I’m not really in contact with my Congolese side. But the last couple of years I have been really curious and trying to learn as much from my culture as possible. I have told my Dad about this and he’s trying to teach me more too.
It’s been hard. And it still is. Especially when the White side of my family sees me as a Black woman, while my Black side of the family sees me as White. I was raised in The Netherlands, and even though my background is so diverse I have never been accepted within the White, Black or Dutch communities. They always see and acknowledge the other side of me, which can be hard. Sometimes I just want to blend in with the rest and not be seen as an outcast. As a kid I always felt really lonely. I have never been in contact with someone like me, that's why I contacted Mixedracefaces. Nowadays I’m really curious if there’s someone out there I can share my experiences with.
My friends see me as a Bulgarian Dutch person, my Congolese family members see me as a White mixed woman. It makes me sad that the people I feel connected to always see me as something different to them. A teacher that was half Iranian and half Ukrainian told me once: ‘I’m a person of the world’. Those words stuck with me and are something I hold on to. Now, when someone asks me who or what I am, I always answer: a person of the world.
When I was little a lot of kids used to bully me and say I was adopted. My Dad was already out of the picture and everyone saw my White mom. When I asked my Mom about my skin color and why my skin is darker than hers but lighter than my Dad’s, she made a pot of coffee and said that my Dad is the coffee. She grabbed some milk and poured it into the coffee saying she’s the milk. It’s a weird way to explain how skin tones work, but my 5 year old brain understood it. I have talked to some Black girls in my town about how they wanted to be White when they were little. I’m glad I never had that experience because I was really happy about being 50% of my Mom and 50% of my Dad.
Being mixed-race is such a wonderful experience. Especially when the cultures are so different. Focus on the best things of both worlds and try to be better than the generations before you. Being different is really special. Love yourself for it. I have always been proud of who I am. Even though I have faced many challenges. I will never hide who I am.
I never really had someone to look up to. I always use myself as a role model and try to be better. Not just for me, but for this world. We have been divided by race, sexuality and gender. Everyday I’m trying to set an example and to be acceptive and open to everyone. In The Netherlands we used to use the word ‘half bloed’, which basically means half blood. This is actually a word that was used during slavery for mixed-race people. It means that half of their blood is pure (the White part). I used to call myself that too. Now I think it's such a disgusting word and thank god people are more educated now, and starting to use it less.
I really admire the Albanian culture; their food, their language and the way that they’re still holding on to traditions. These days I’m really intrigued by the Palestinian culture. Their resistance against occupation is really inspiring. I also admire how some people in the world practice Islam. A lot of Muslims around me have found a certain peace I will never understand. But I think in essence Islam is such a beautiful religion. I feel like it gets misinterpreted, especially in the West.
I connect to my Bulgarian roots through weddings, food & hospitality. To the Congolese side through music, the strength, and the way family always takes care of one another. I mostly follow my Bulgarian and Dutch traditions. So I celebrate Christmas eve the Bulgarian way, and Christmas and Boxing Day the Dutch way. Also holidays like Kings day and Bulgarian Eastern are important. As I have also grown up in the Netherlands I love their way of enjoying life, Gouda cheese & their directness.
I’m a student at a university with a lot of people from different nationalities. But I don’t feel represented. Most of the working people there are Dutch.