Dutch | Indonesian
My parents met in college, where they were both studying Psychology. My Mom moved from Indonesia to the Netherlands together with her parents and siblings when she was still very little, so she doesn't remember much from Jakarta, where she was born. They belonged to one of the very last groups of people who were allowed to immigrate from the former Dutch colony to the colonial homeland. My Mum always told me it was because her parents wanted to ensure a 'better future' for their kids (there were 5 of them back then, and 2 more after they'd migrated), but they only decided to go around the time that anti-Dutch/European sentiments in Indonesia intensified, and since my Grandmother had a very light skin due to her mixed Indo-European decency, I've been told she encountered a lot of hatred and didn't feel safe anymore. Both my Mum and Dad were the first and only ones in their families to attend university. Now they own a psychotherapy practice together.
Culturally, my mom turned out very Dutch. Of course, the fact that her family was from a former Dutch colony, religiously Christian and Dutch-speaking even back in Java might have played a part here. Then there was also a lot of cultural erasure due to the State's assimilation policies. For example, housing for immigrants from the former Dutch East Indies was very thinly spread across the country, so my Mum grew up in a super small town in the very South of the country where they were the only Brown family. But she also seems very willing to integrate. There is this story about when she had dinner at a Dutch friend's parents' house and ate potatoes for the first time. She liked it so much that ever since her Mum prepared her and her sister potatoes, while her parents kept eating rice. She visited Indonesia once, during her 20s, and she always told me it felt as if she was like any other tourist. So, when my parents met, there were hardly any cultural differences left.
As you might expect from my previous answers, I have grown up culturally Dutch, so therefore this is the culture I identify most with. It was not until I was much older I became more interested in the cultural heritage of my Mum's side of the family. Through my studies I learned about colonial history and the ways in which both that history and colonial power structures still continue to shape today's societies. As I enjoyed doing some family history research, I soon noticed how Dutch colonial history runs through my entire family tree. It changed my entire perspective. During my childhood I had always been told how my Mum's family moved to a new country where the kids would have a much brighter future; and left a home that seemed to be not particularly worth remembering. As it was a past that was hardly talked about, neither by my Mum nor my Grandfather. Now, by looking at my family's story through a decolonial lens, I see not so much how the Netherlands provided a bright future, but rather how their lives and futures were shaped by colonial oppression for generations. So, now I'm trying to learn more about the cultural habits and rituals that have been lost, as a means to both understand where I am coming from as to restore some of the colonial damage that I believe still affects family dynamics in important ways.
I grew up in a predominantly White environment, so I remember vividly I sometimes vaguely wished to be entirely White like everyone else around me. Not because I felt excluded or disadvantaged because of my skin colour, but rather because I back then believed it was just more beautiful. Simultaneously, I was often confused about whether one could actually see from my appearance that I wasn't completely White. I still am sometimes. Some people are surprised to learn that I am mixed-race, other people immediately tell me: how come you don't look very Dutch, where are you from? When I was younger, I would feel annoyed by that question, mostly because it meant I continuously had to talk about a culture that I knew nothing about and a country I had never been to. It was supposed to be a question about me, but the answer would say nothing about me. Nowadays, I usually respond: yeah, I'm partly Indonesian, because the Dutch colonized half of the world.That very question tells me a lot on how ignorant people still are on the colonial history of their country.
I only began to understand what it means to be mixed-race, most importantly non-White, when I moved to Amsterdam, which is way more culturally and ethnically diverse than where I'm originally from, and started to engage with a leftist political party. In this kind of environment, there exists a lot of struggle for recognition and representation and against oppression. While diversity and inclusion politics are at its heart, many non-White people have experienced subtle or overt forms of racial prejudices within the party. Perhaps this is true for all hierarchical organizations, but it seemed that inclusive participation is all fun and games until it was actually about questions of power. Here I learned that the White norm is hard to break: in my experience, non-White (often non-male) people could only be granted power positions when they supported the White status quo. If they challenged it, they would be much more inclined to be dismissed as 'radical' or 'unprofessional'. This to me is a perfect example of diversity without inclusion. I often noticed how the opinions I voiced were considered unrealistic, while when the exact same thing was being expressed by a White man, it was seen as an interesting new perspective. The most annoying thing is that it is sometimes so subtle that you start doubting yourself. Am I crazy? I only grew more confident about these experiences when I discussed them with others sharing the same.
If your mixed-race is related to coloniality, I can totally recommend unraveling your family tree and putting it next to the colonial history of the place where your family is from. It can help greatly in understanding some of the struggles that your ancestors encountered and that were possibly partly inherited by your (Grand)parents. Also, be critical and self-critical on the narratives that you have been taught by your family and the ideas and prejudices they hold. Colonialism and migration might have caused pains that sometimes unknowingly have transferred from generation to generation and that may continue to blur and confuse things today. It may be a lot to unpack but I think it's something worth going through. Oh and finally, embrace the perks of being mixed, like being able to come very close to understanding multiple perspectives and thus to navigate different kinds of environments and situations.
Of course I've been called all sorts of things but nothing that I recall feeling particularly about. As far as I understand other cultures, I am very inspired by some Indigenous philosophies and spiritualities that counter western capitalist modes of thinking and perceive the world in more holistic terms, creating more communal and eco-friendly ways of living. I also admire cultures in Central Asia around the ancient Silk Roads, where traditions in textiles are very sophisticated, often kept for generations, and simply beautiful. I think western cultural hegemony in general has ruined a lot of these things in life that truly matter. -