South African (mixed heritage)
In South Africa the term ‘coloured’ defines people of mixed ancestry.
Although my parents are both Coloured and Catholic, there were cultural differences on both sides. My paternal Grandmother married a Muslim man when my Dad was older and therefore there were influences of Cape-Malay traditions. My Mother was significantly more educated than my Father and this could be seen in their relationship. My Mom is an extremely well read person, money savvy, and has a good understanding of a number of different topics. My Father on the other hand was not as well read. He was more creative. Both influenced the way I was raised.
Both parents had close family members that fought during the Apartheid years in South Africa, but had very different lives and lived experiences that influenced the families. This all contributed to the manner in which I was raised and contributed to my world view. Race has never been something that needed to be discussed in our family. My Mother always used to tell me I was a strong Black woman when I was growing up, but we also had things that were culturally Coloured (big gatherings, music, language). There are/were mixed-race/culture couples (some from during Apartheid that were exiled from South Africa. There are a lot more now). My family is extremely mixed, so there are multiple skin tones, multiple cultural influences.
Coloured people in South Africa are such a unique grouping. In terms of culture, my family and I celebrate and observe both Christian holidays/religious days, as well as Islamic ones. My paternal Grandmother married a Muslim man, my Fathers youngest sister and younger brother both married people who follow Islam and therefore converted. My Mom's current partner (who I refer to as my Step Dad/bonus Dad despite the fact that they are not married) was raised Muslim but does not practise the religion. So I grew up with an understanding of both Christianity and Islam. It has always seemed natural and therefore I haven't actively had to seek balance.
In South Africa racism wasn't something that was pointed out to me. But it was always in my face, and as I grew up I saw race more and more. I think it took me moving out of South Africa to really see how mixed-race people are perceived. In South Africa, Coloured people are always told we aren't White enough or Black enough, while outside of South Africa most people want to know what you are mixed with. My go to response is ‘I'm mixed with melanin, honey, glitter and shea butter’.
Moving to the Netherlands, being so far away from South Africa was a struggle. The food is different, the culture and socialising is different, the manner in which we interact is different. It makes me extremely sad and homesick, but I started making friends with other people of colour and there are some overlaps in culture which helped.
The first guy I dated outside of my own race group was White and his family were from the UK. They weren't too fond of the little Brown girl (his Mom literally used to refer to me as this, both to my face and behind my back) he brought home. It switched my perception of myself and of White people in general. A big influence also came from when I started working, corporate spaces are often very White and male dominated, and I often had to become a version of myself that was more authoritative and demanding (often bordering on being an ‘angry Black woman’ to be heard and to be respected).
When I was younger I did try to hide my background to be able to fit into spaces, places and with people. I’ve been labelled exotic, rare, ambiguous & strange. Exotic and rare are the most triggering for me and I've told people that have used these words that I am not a bird or plant, I am a person that just happens to look different to what they are used to seeing. I strive to be accepting and understanding, all cultures have beauty in them and traditions that are so vastly different to my own. However if I had to pick one it would be Samoan culture, there is such beauty in the traditions, I strangely always felt connected to it and I don't fully understand why.
My Mom is my role model. She has always been such a powerful person that stood up for her beliefs and never let anyone undermine her. She always strives to lift up other people of colour to ensure that those who didn't previously have these opportunities are able to start finding ways to ensure future generations will.
Be true to yourself, claim the spaces you find yourself in and never let anyone undermine you as a person. Most people will undermine you because of their own bias and experiences, their issues and triggers are not your responsibility. Take the time to educate those that are clearly ignorant but don't argue with those that refuse to see a different perspective.
I connect to my cultures through language (Coloured Afrikaans is very different to normal Afrikaans), the love for music and the manner in which we view family.