British | Unknown
I am British, with mixed heritage but as my family history is a little complicated I sadly don’t know exactly what country I’m from. I did an ancestry test, which placed me in ‘West Africa.’ I am a Christian, and I do believe in something more, but don’t attend church. I am a straight woman.
My Dad is British, and so is my Mum. When she was a baby she was dropped off at Barnardo’s, and she was fostered by my Nan and Grandad, who are White. The only evidence we have that she is not totally White is her appearance. I remember once asking her how she found out she was adopted, and she said, ‘Josie’ and just pointed at her face, and we both burst out laughing. She has a beautiful afro, and gorgeous dark skin – I’ve often wished I looked exactly like my Mum. I think she was a little disappointed too when I was born with straight blonde hair (although it is a lot darker now and has a wave)! My parents met at a local disco when they were 16, and have been together ever since, which is pretty incredible.
The merging of their cultures was quite seamless as my Mum doesn’t exactly know hers, but my Dad has always been supportive when she’s considered looking. They did once drive to her biological Mum’s house together. They sat outside, but never went in. Her Mum is White, and it is her Dad – who isn’t on the birth certificate - who is Black. We are unsure whether the interracial relationship is the reason they gave her up for adoption. I sometimes tease my Mum for being the Whitest Black person – she has no rhythm and applies SPF more than anyone I know when we’re on holiday. I’ve often woken up from a beach nap because my Mum is applying factor 30 mixed in with a load of sand to my back – really not a pleasant experience. My Dad has in the past bought her reggae albums for anniversary presents – I don’t know whether that was his way of trying to acknowledge her background. I found it so sweet. I may be biased but they are just complete couple goals. My Mum’s parents adopted and fostered a lot of children, which is amazing, but I don’t think she got as much attention, and so me, my sister Abbi and my Dad became her whole family. I appreciate her for giving us this completely stable upbringing, that she didn’t necessarily have herself.
I know my parents didn’t have the easiest ride, and my Dad was questioned by people close to him as to why he is in a relationship with my Mum. It caused some major tension, but my mum never let us see her upset. I think today everything is a lot better, but people definitely still judge. I’ve heard nasty comments made about interracial couples, and just look at the treatment of Meghan Markle! Things are constantly getting better though, and I hope when I have children they see racism as such a foreign concept that they are shocked and confused when I tell them of the comments my Mum had to always rise above.
I know that I can choose anyone as my partner, and my family would never judge them on where they’re from, their religion or anything else. I’m very lucky to have been brought up that way, and to be encouraged to appreciate diversity. My Mum will judge them on how caring they are, and my Dad will be assessing how well they can handle power tools. He’s most concerned that I marry someone ‘useful’ as a manual labourer himself. I am most attracted to darker skinned men, but it would never be the deciding factor.
It’s hard because I don’t know where I’m from so it comes down to what I’ve inherited aesthetically. I love that my skin rarely ever burns, and that I have a big bum, which suddenly became very desirable. I also like my nose as it matches my Mum’s. I like when people recognise that I’m mixed-race, but it’s not so great when people ask me which brand of fake tan I use or insist I tell them when my last holiday was. I guess being mixed-race has made me love everyone no matter their race and be more empathetic to everyone’s feelings.
I’ve had people make racist jokes in front of me, which is disgusting anyway, but makes it so awkward because they don’t realise who I am. I try not to get mad, and instead educate them but it’s hard – especially if I’ve had a drink! I’ve always tried to follow my older sister’s example, who makes her points incredibly well and makes people feel very stupid. I’ve fallen out with friends in the past because of comments, and then everyone gets to continue playing ‘Happy families’ while I’m having to exclude myself because of my morals. I don’t think I should be the one to be punished but I have been. I find it challenging that I don’t get to know exactly where I’m from, and when people kindly enquire ‘What do you have in you?’ it’s not a straightforward story. Sometimes I just show them a photo of my Mum in hope that will be enough. I have in the past made something up so as not to get all the follow-up questions, that I often don’t have the answers to, which I do feel bad about. I am sad that I’ll never know my exact story, but it’s not my decision to make and I understand my Mum’s reasoning completely. I remember going on holiday with my friends to Magaluf when I was 18, and the first day we all went around the pool I realised my thighs were triple the size of everyone else’s and my back just looked ridiculously arched in comparison with this huge bum at the end of it, and I was gutted. Now, I have learnt to love the things that make me different a lot more, but still have this feeling that I don’t fit neatly into any box. I feel like I don’t deserve to call myself mixed-race, but then I’m ignoring an integral part of me by saying I’m White. Also I can struggle to get the right foundation shade, which is a futile problem but one that exists nonetheless. Me and my Mum are often given the same shade when we are very clearly not the same colour.
After recently taking the 23andMe test and they placed me in West Africa, citing that I was part Ghanaian, Liberian, Sierra Leonean and Nigerian. It would be nice to take a trip somewhere over there one day in the future. However, I don’t know how accurate these tests are.
What I looked like, and who my Mum and Dad are was my normal. I didn’t really ever see myself as different in anyway. Plus, I grew up in Birmingham, which is a very diverse place. As I got older I did feel uncomfortable in looking a little different to my close friends during my teenage years – but I think we all feel that way mixed-race or not. Now I’m starting to appreciate that I have undeniable elements of my Mum mixed in with my Dad’s family, such as my blue eyes, and if I changed that I wouldn’t be a product of them anymore. I hope when I have my own children I can tell them how incredible it is to be different and encourage them to love what makes them unique from the very beginning. As I’ve got older I’ve also realised that being mixed-race is a lot more than the way you look, and it’s sad that to me that might be all it ever can be.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I’ve decided I’d return exactly the same. If you change one thing then it could become the butterfly effect and my whole life could be different. For example, if my Mum wasn’t fostered, then she might never have met my Dad.