British/Jamaican | Jamaican
On forms, I always tick ‘any other mixed background’ because I’m not always sure where I fit! I would describe myself as Jamaican-British because they are the two places I’ve lived.
Religion – agnostic with a strong Christian upbringing. I went to two Catholic schools in Jamaica and then a Church of England school in London so I do feel a strong affinity to churches and Christian worship. Sexual orientation – straight. Both my parents were born in Jamaica (like me) and met there. My paternal Great Grandfather was Chinese, and my maternal Grandmother was from Bognor Regis on the south coast of the UK.
My Mum had some of her education in the UK as a teenager and had her first few jobs in the UK before she returned to Jamaica. My Dad was in the Jamaica Defence Force and so spent some time in the UK training so both of them had a bit of experience of the UK as young people. I would say they saw it as somewhere they were both fond of and familiar. My maternal Grandmother was from Bognor Regis and I visited the UK on holiday a couple of times. So, when we moved here, it didn't feel totally alien.
Thinking back, I would credit my Grandmothers as being the preservers of my non-Jamaican culture. My paternal Grandmother has done this mainly through food – Chinese food is a staple in her home as much as Jamaican food is! My maternal Grandmother lived in Jamaica for over 50 years but never lost her English accent – and I was always corrected if I spoke in patois in her presence. She had been a nurse during World War Two and so was disciplined and strict but didn’t let anything stop her from doing what she wanted. My parents had very different upbringings, but both were centred around family, respect and values. I’d say that our family traditions now are in some way our own creations (a hybridisation but it works for us!). Christmas dinner is probably the best example – my English Grandmother never really enforced the idea of a full roast at Christmas – for her it was all about the crackers. And so, for us, Christmas dinner is a much more Jamaican affair – gungo peas and rice, fried plantain rather than Yorkshire puddings. As both my parents are Jamaican in the first instance, Jamaican culture is their commonality from the music to the food to the way of life. My parents lived through Jamaica’s formative years as young people and my Father was a public servant for his working life which has instilled a very strong sense of pride of being from Jamaica in me.
I am always amazed when I think about my maternal Grandparents and the fact that my Grandmother travelled to Jamaica on holiday, met my Grandfather and moved there. They were married in the 1950s – where the interracial marriages were banned in some states in the USA. I studied History at university and I think studying the USA in the 1950s and 1960s was the first time I really appreciated the gravity of the decision they made to marry. I never asked my Grandmother about this when she was alive, and I wasn’t fortunate enough to meet my Grandfather but if I could’ve I would’ve wanted to know more. My Grandmother was quite a matter of fact woman so I’m sure she would’ve said something along the lines of he was an intelligent lawyer and that’s what I saw in him.
My partner is White British but he grew up in South London and has lived in a diverse community all his life. He’s open to everything and has really embraced my culture and heritage and is always interested to know more. He sometimes tells me about the Jamaican news headlines before I’ve seen them. I really appreciate and value his openness and willingness to learn more because my culture and heritage are such a key part of my identity and who I am.
The most positive experience I could say is a personal one. I’m so proud of my family and where we come from. I feel a real sense of privilege and pride to have ancestors and family across the world. And the fact that I’ve been able to chart my history through DNA and research is very powerful. My Father and I as well as my Uncle and cousin all did our DNA tests and my cousin has been able to trace our Great Grandfather’s family back to his town in China. My Uncle was fortunate enough to go and to be able to have these connections is enormously powerful.
Living in Jamaica, I was always seen as the ‘little White girl’ which I didn’t mind and didn’t think much of as a child. I didn’t see myself as ‘White’ as you’d describe it in the UK – I always knew I was mixed. Moving to the UK was a challenge – I found that visually I could ‘fit in’ but my culture and my reference points in life were completely different from theirs. I didn’t eat the same food, I didn’t watch the same TV, I didn’t listen to the same kind of music and I didn’t speak like them either.
People are always fascinated by me too (not in a how great am I way though) more in the sense that they can’t place my accent, my name isn’t a typically British name and that can lead to questions like ‘where are you really from’ or ‘why are you here’ or ‘are you *insert American/Canadian/anything else that comes to mind*?‘. Generally, I don’t mind, and I quite enjoy talking about my ethnic background – I find it interesting and it’s a key part of me. However, I don’t always want to share my life story and my family’s with a stranger and that is generally where it ends up. Sometimes it doesn’t come across neutrally either – generally the question feels loaded.
Food is most certainly the conduit through which I interact with my cultures. Jamaican food is a key staple in my life – I recently turned 30 and had a small party with friends and my aim was to share good Jamaican food with them. Lots of them have heard me talk about it but haven’t always been able to experience it.
I’m currently doing a Masters in Politics, Development and the Global South and that has given me the opportunity to engage with Jamaican literature and politics too – something I have a really keen interest in.
I would love to visit China and go to my Great Grandfather’s town and his brother’s descendants. When my Uncle visited, they had a picture of my Great Grandfather – the same one my family had. And it would be great to discover that story. Jamaica is where I grew up and where I’ll always see as home – my emotions always get the better of me when I leave. However, there is still more I’d like to learn and discover. If I could, I’d love to spend some time in Jamaica going through the archives and finding out more about the lives they might’ve lived.
My outlook on my mixed identity certainly has changed through the years. That’s in large part to the fact that I’ve moved country, and the way I’m framed by others and by myself has changed. I definitely think that mixed-race as an identity is evolving in the way its defined now and that will impact the way I view myself in the future. Talking to my parents about their experiences for this was interesting – I’m a lot more conscious about my identity than they are and have had the space and the opportunity to think more critically about it than they ever have.
I think that the UK Parliament is at a key moment – there are a number of people working to make our spaces more inclusive in terms of culture, gender and sexuality, particularly the Workplace Equality Networks. ParliGender and ParliReach have all been at the forefront of these conversations in the last year or so. Since I started in 2015, I’ve seen a marked improvement and there are so many initiatives happening behind the scenes that I think will continue to push Parliament to be more inclusive. I’m really excited to see where Parliament will be in a year, 5 years and 10 years.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I wouldn’t change anything!