British | Filipino
My parents met through mutual friends in Manila when my Mum worked at Mandarin Oriental. We grew up in a tiny, predominantly White village in the East Riding of Yorkshire. My Mum didn't teach us Tagalog to help us integrate, but we ate a lot of seafood (fish heads before exams was a tradition), exotic fruits, met a lot of Pinoy cousins (unsure if they actually we're cousins, who knows), watched Asian shows, and called our White elders by Tagalog terms e.g. mamalola, papalolo, etc.
Unfortunately my Mum and Dad had a very volatile and destructive relationship, both emotionally and physically, which reached it crescendo during lockdown. We (my brother and I) had to step in to remove my Mum from the situation and rehabilitate her. This included helping her with legal and financial action, selling the family house, as well as her living with me so she had a safe space to find and rebuild herself. I managed this by breaking down my Mum's Asian pride of hiding emotions or vulnerability. She's the Matriarch, she couldn't show she was struggling. She's now doing better than ever. There have been some hiccups but it's awesome seeing her learning a new life, similar to what I did when I went to university and moved to China, Spain and London. I learnt it's never too late to say no and change your life.
I identify as heterosexual, but there has always been a part of me that thought I was bisexual, or not necessarily a ‘woman’. Thankfully with the education of gender fluidity, I've been able to understand myself a little more and why I feel different. I still identify as She/Her, but I don't feel this pressure to fit the idealism of ‘femme’. I started this journey by cutting off my long hair into a short pixie last year and wearing more gender neutral clothing.
I don't really think I have a role model per se. I take inspiration from many people around me. This includes my very open and accepting partner, powerlifting coach, friends etc. I take onboard bits of them which resonate with me, and make me want to be a better version of myself. Understanding that not everyone comes from the same mould. Being different shouldn't be feared, fetish-ished or dismissed.
Exposure and wider education through media, key figures who educate children from different backgrounds and life experiences would be super helpful. I know it would have been helpful for me growing up in a predominantly White primary and high school.
We received a lot of strange labels such as my Mum is Chinese, but then using a South Asian racial slur at me. It was more so driven by the inability to classify me because I don't necessarily look Asian or White. I find this inability to put me in a box has been the foundation of a lot of challenges or bizarre interactions I've faced.
Some positives have been that I haven't really faced adversity or exclusion aggressively. My circle is very accepting and curious, so I haven't felt like an outcast for my background. I do love how I don't stick out too much when I go to different countries, an example being living in China for a year and a half and not receiving similar attention than my expat colleagues.
I moved to China for the first time when I was 21 years old. I stayed with my Tito and Tita for 2 weeks and met all these other family members, ate Pinoy food (heaps of pancit and mango float), and visited the burial site of my Nanaylola (Mum's Mum).
Growing up, I wanted to be as White as I could. Thankfully, the emo phase allowed me to integrate with other teens via a different avenue. I have always had this big question, ‘who am I?’, a hum of imposter syndrome. As I've become an adult, especially in my late 20s and visiting Manila/South East Asia, I have fully embraced my Pinay side. It especially helps that my partner is London-born Chinese/Mauritian, so we have this mutual interest in exploring our cultures.
My partner and I celebrate our cultural holidays with family, and eat a fusion of mostly South Eastern Asian food (although my partner loves potatoes and Yorkshire puddings). Mostly Chinese inspired, but we both have a pull to other South Eastern countries, including Korea and Japan. I love to cook, e.g. homemade dumplings, bao, pho. Kimchi has been a regular of late.
The last time I cried was earlier this week, feeling overwhelmed and misunderstood (it was over something very mundane but probably an accumulation of general life stresses and changes).