Scottish | Indian Creole/Chinese/La Réunionese/Malagasy
I identify as mixed White, Black, Asian: Scottish British | Indian ocean Creole with Chinese / Indian / La Reunion / Malagasy mix. My Dad is from Scotland, born in Glasgow.
My Mum was born in Madagascar but identifies as Creole. Only very recently I have understood the reason why my Mum cannot be called Malagasy. She explains that despite both her parents being born in Madagascar, her family were always seen as Creole because they were originally 'settlers' to the country. My Mum's maternal Grandparents were from La Reunion with an Indian and African mix; and her paternal Grandparents were Chinese from the Guangdong region.
My Mum recalls feeling slightly envious towards those who identified purely as Malagasy, or la Reunionaise as they appeared to have a true sense of community or belonging. She wonders if occasionally during that time the word Creole was used pejoratively towards her family, and those similar, as they were 'French' but 'not quite French'. Understandably this instilled a sense of other-ness in her young age.
My parents met in London. My Dad came down for work and my Mum came from France to au-pair and learn English. In a few years she became a French and Italian school teacher. My Mum's flatmate set them up on a blind date about 45 years ago and they have been together ever since.
My experience of Mum and Dad sharing their different cultures (Scottish, French, and Creole Chinese) was through enjoying food, music, travel, and languages. My Dad (very) proudly celebrates Scottish history and traditions through his many wonderful stories. We also often travelled to Glasgow to visit cousins and our Grandmother, and so I feel close to my Scottish side, but in truth not fully part of it.
My Mum shares a lot of love through her cooking, which is a wonderful mixing pot of French food traditions, traditional British roasts, Scottish treats, and some Chinese cuisine, inspired by her Dad's cooking whose family were originally from the Guangdong region.
Because of my Dad's work our family has always travelled. I was born in Belgium, brought up in Cheshire, moved to live in France at the age of 10 and then came to London to finish high school. Later I travelled to China, and my parents followed suit to live there for 5 years. We were lucky to learn French as young children, and even some Mandarin later on in life. I am very similar to my Mum in that I love languages and understand how helpful a tool they are to connect with different cultures and communities. It is because of this I studied linguistics, and later discovered Speech and language therapy. I now work with people who have complex communication difficulties as a consequence of acquired brain injuries.
Unfortunately as a family we have not travelled to Madagascar. This is mainly because my Mum had to leave her parents in her home country at a very young age because of the political unrest in the country. At the age of 11 my Mum and her brother moved to stay at a boarding school in France. My Mum talks fondly about her childhood memories in Madagascar and in France, but she is worried about what she may find in Madagascar if she returned. My sister and I are hoping to go soon and we plan to learn a few Malagasy words before we go!
Despite feeling very fortunate to have this mixed background I see my family cultures as diverse yet diluted, perhaps this is a result of mixed-race children with mixed-race parents and Grandparents. I cannot fully relate to Scottish, French, African or Asian cultures. Perhaps reinforced by having moved a lot, there is a real sense of being just outside a cultural sphere, and not quite feeling enough of anything.
In a romantic sense I see my identity as the coming together of 2 very different people who overcame some of the negative backlash of the stigma around an interracial relationship in the 70s / 80s. The love, strength and courage they both must have needed for this inspires me.
Growing up in a mixed household is obviously advantageous in learning early on about respecting differences, considering alternative opinions and managing sensitive conversations. My Mum has openly shared her experiences of overt racism, and we have witnessed some against my brothers'. Despite this I have a very under-confident voice in this topic, and recently I have been trying to reflect why this is. I think there are probably many reasons for it.
Firstly, I am very aware of having many levels of privileges, one being that I am White-passing. Often I am told by family, friends, and strangers that I look at most southern European. Though this can leave me feeling a bit robbed, I feel the struggle between not wanting to take space and not saying anything at all. Also, whilst trying to piece together my opinions on identity and race, I have discovered the complex systems embedded in my own parents. My Dad is not a stranger to microaggressions and battles still now with the concept of White privilege; my Mum, on the other hand, has lived a life 'fitting in', accepting and seeking belonging. All topics of conversation are welcomed at home, but this one has become an increasingly tense one, particularly since the Black Lives Matter protests. But this can only mean that a positive shift is happening.
For me identity is linked to a sense of belonging. I am lucky to have a very loving family, and within that a twin sister, who gives me probably the ultimate sense of belonging. We are non identical and look quite different to each other. Growing up we always felt that my sister had slightly more African features than me including slightly darker skin, and in contrast I looked more Asian or southern European. A recent DNA Heritage test seemed to confirm our theory, revealing a small difference in both our African vs Asian DNA representations. Interestingly, my sister has dated majority Black men, whereas I have dated mostly White men. Although we were brought up in the same environment, we seem to relate to others differently just as others respond to us differently.
In terms of belonging, I also feel very at home in London. Although I haven't lived here my whole life, I identify with London's rich diversity and international community. I feel fortunate in that I am a bit of a chameleon, where I can relate to and feel trusted by a wide variety of people. This has been very helpful in my role as a speech and language therapist. I also feel excited to be a part of a fast-growing mixed-race community which is celebrated on exciting pages like Mixedracefaces. This forum has been so helpful for me in continuing to piece bits together, seeking identity and finding my voice.