British | Filipina
My Dad is from Sheffield, UK and my Mum is from Bohol, Philippines. Before dating apps were a thing, my Dad found my Mum on a dating advert in a newspaper back in the 80’s and decided to reach out. From there they began pen-palling each other, however neither of them wrote their own letters which we find quite funny when the subject gets brought up. I think the reason they did this was because they both struggled with penmanship so it was just an easier solution for them. This carried on for 6 months until my Dad decided to fly over to finally meet my Mum in Bohol, 3 weeks later they got married. When my Mum eventually got her visa she came to live with my Dad in the UK, they've been together ever since.
Fortunately I've never really experienced discrimination within my family which I am very grateful for. A personal challenge that I have faced recently is coming to terms with my relationship with God and how to navigate that. Although I've always felt like there was a being more powerful than myself I didn't really have the impetus to explore it fully. In the past I wouldn't have labelled myself as spiritual or religious however, around the same time as the covid pandemic, I experienced a major conscious shift that completely turned my beliefs and way of living on its head. It's like my life had split in two and I had to stop relying on my own control and instead surrender to God's will. I'm still in the process of trying to understand and be content with my faith and identity in that but one thing I can say is God is now the main focal point in my life and I will continue to experiment with a lifestyle that strengthens that bond.
The last time I cried was when I was recently having a heart-to-heart discussion with my Mum over a phone call. Growing up our relationship was quite turbulent and I think that cultural differences and language barriers had a lot to do with that. I also wasn't the easiest child to bring up as I had a very quick temperament and, because we're both alike in that sense, it was like fighting fire with fire. However, as we've both matured, I now feel like we're beginning to understand one another a lot more now and at a depth that we never used to before. The reason as to why I got so emotional is because I can now see the sacrifices my Mum made to ensure that me and my sister had a better quality of life than she did when she was growing up. One thing that stuck with me is when she told me that as a child she used to pray every time she saw an aeroplane when working in the rice fields in her village. She prayed that one day she'd be able to stop working on the farm and travel to a different country so that she could provide a better life for herself and her children. That really struck a chord in me as it highlighted God's power in that my family is a manifestation of that prayer and I want to honour that as best as I possibly can.
In terms of my ethnicity I've never felt like I had to hide my identity nor did I want to. The only thing I would say is that growing up primarily in the UK meant that my Filipino heritage wasn't really explored and that has always made me feel like there's a huge part of me that's missing. I've felt the need to hide a lot of my personality though and it's only recently that I've been trying to learn to accept the way God has made me. Being a highly sensitive person means that I am more attuned to sensory input and I'm acutely aware of subtleties in my environment. Sometimes I've been prone to reacting quite intensely when faced with overwhelming situations and this has been received negatively in the past. This led me to believe that there was something inherently wrong with me so I tried to disguise my sensitive nature as much as possible. Through doing so it's become incredibly difficult for me to express my needs as I'm terrified that I'll be rejected, laughed at or seen as abnormal. It's taken a toll on my relationships at times as I desperately want to connect with people but the more I expose my true self the more frightened I become which has resulted in me reacting in ways that aren't necessarily healthy however I'm in the process of healing that.
I don't have a specific role model as many people have contributed to the way in which I've shaped my life. However, I would say that I truly admire people who are able to stand strong despite being faced with so much adversity. I'm enamoured by people who can use their differences as their strongest asset and I'm aiming to be somebody who can imitate that.
One term that has been constantly used to describe me is 'too sensitive' and it frustrates me that it's seen as a negative trait. My sensitivity has been used against me in various circumstances and has been perceived as a weakness. I'm determined to rewrite that narrative and make it be viewed as a strength instead. Although I face a lot of challenges with being a neurodivergent (HSP) there are also a lot of benefits. I care deeply about the world and I'm passionate about making a positive change. I aspire to be an advocate for people who feel like they don't belong. We should all be able to embrace who we are on an authentic level because we're all unique and it's such a beautiful gift that deserves to be celebrated!
Something that I've always loved about being mixed-race is knowing that I'm part of two different cultures. I love travelling over to the Philippines and experiencing the way in which the other half of my family live. However, I've struggled with knowing where it is that I 'fit'. I grew up in a small working class town in the North of England and, even though I'm mixed, I've battled with knowing if I'm actually allowed to call myself Filipina as I haven't been exposed to much of the culture. I've always felt a pang of guilt not knowing how to speak Bisayan or Tagalog but I'm making an active effort to learn. There have been instances where my family in the Philippines have had to speak English to accommodate me when personally I feel it should be the other way around. I think I surprise people when they meet me and they're met with a Northern accent but that doesn't bother me, I actually think that being Northern is pretty cool.
I was definitely proud to be mixed-race growing up and I would say that I'm even more so now. It makes me extremely happy to know that people like me are becoming more recognised as it's what gives us that unique edge. I couldn't be more grateful to have both British and Pinoy blood running through my veins.
I have a lot of family over in the Philippines and it saddens me that I can't see them as much as I'd like. I think that's definitely one of the downsides as there are family members who I've only met a couple of times before they passed away. I managed to meet my Grandad once and I vaguely remember speaking to my Nannan over the phone when I was younger but unfortunately I never got to meet her in person.
As a creative and performer, I definitely think that our society has made significant improvements in terms of representing people from ethnic minorities, however I do think we still have a long way to go. There have been very few roles that I've played where my ethnicity has been explored and It'd be amazing to have the opportunity to explore that. I would love to learn more about the history of the Philippines, specifically relating to myths and folklore and somehow incorporate that into British theatre, I think that would be so interesting. When I've visited the Philippines we use a gesture called 'Mano' which is used as a way to respect our elders. It's a very simple gesture of bowing to our elders and gently pressing their hand to our forehead. I think it's such a beautifully endearing way of displaying blessing and respect and it really makes me feel like part of the culture.
I really appreciate platforms such as this for providing an opportunity for people like me to share our stories openly and honestly. It's such a blessing being able to collaborate, speak out and acknowledge our individuality, so thank you mixedracedfaces.