British | African American
I identify as mixed-race, atheist, non-binary & queer. My Mum is White British, and my Dad is African American. They met in Los Angeles when my Mum was travelling. They dated for about 6 months and the day my Mum went to renew her visa she found out she was pregnant with me then decided to come back to England.
Both of my parents said that they got a lot of comments and looks when they were out together in 1989, however there were no issues when mixing with their friends and family. In fact my Dad recalls being quite nervous when coming to England for the first time but was surprised how warm and welcoming my Mum’s family were. I definitely think it’s a lot less stressful and controversial to be in an interracial relationship now than when my parents were together. However that’s not to say it’s not always easy and I think you’re a lot more aware of how you’re judged and perceived as an interracial couple over a couple that are from the same heritage. I don’t think my culture consciously affected my choice in partner.
I think being mixed-race and having two different heritages gives you a powerful dual perspective that in my view is more enriching than it is challenging.
For me there is that thing of not quite having a sense of fully belonging to either heritage. I definitely have a disconnect with my Dad as I didn’t see him much growing up. I’m originally from a small town on the south coast near Portsmouth. It’s very White and I think I was 1 of 5 people of colour in a school of 2000 pupils. However I had a great group of friends and in general didn’t encounter too much overt racism. However I did have issues within myself like being uncomfortable with my hair and feeling like I wanted to blend in more. When I moved to London I was overwhelmed by the cultural diversity but still didn’t feel a sense of cultural affinity. I was surprised by the amount of attention I’d get by Black men which I hadn’t experienced before in Portsmouth from White men. From my own personal perspective the racism I’ve encountered is often more subtle and comes out in micro aggressions whereas the colourism I receive seems to be a lot more obvious at times.
I’d say with my particular background, White British and African American, they’re not that conflicting. However I think my chosen line of work has subconsciously been influenced by Dads culture and career. He works with pro basketball and footballers as a tailor/designer which sparked an interest in the field for me. Music has also been an avenue I’ve embraced when exploring my heritage from my African American side.
My Dad lives in LA but is from Kansas City, Missouri and I visited a few times as a kid which was a really big experience. I first went when I was 13 and it was the first time I’d met any of Black relatives and definitely felt a whole other sense of belonging I hadn’t experienced before. In a way it was my first real confirmation that I did have that dual heritage as up until then I’d only been told so and seen photographs of family members.
My outlook has changed in that I’m so much more comfortable in my ethnicity and fully embrace my intersectional identity. Confidence does grow with age so if anything that will continue.
I now work for myself but I’m always keen to work and collaborate with people from diverse backgrounds and identify as QTIPOC. In the past I have worked in companies and it’s been apparent that I’m filling a diversity quota and it’s been hard to be my authentic self.
I’d love to live days in different people’s shoes just to feel the difference, but wanting to be born again as anyone other than who I am now would suggest that I’m not happy with who I am, which I am.