American | Surinamese
I identify as a Surinamese-Dutch American, a Global Nomad and a White -Mixed (Irish, French, Dutch, Chinese, Indian) Atheist. My Mom is Suriname and my Dad is American. They met in Suriname on a blind date! Can you believe it? As a diplomat’s daughter, I essentially grew up in 4 cultures at a time: American, Surinamese-Dutch, Diplomatic, and whatever country I lived in. There’s a term for this called: ‘Third Culture Kid’; where your parents are from 2 different cultures, but you grow-up in a culture different from theirs. So that’s me in a nutshell - I kind of don’t have a home anywhere but have a home everywhere; and I love that.
Growing up we visited Suriname almost once a year but being part of the American Embassy culture going to international schools, I also retained a strong sense of my American self. I managed to have the two cultures side-by-side quite easily. I think my parents made sure to show the popular culture of these places and have me understand where I came from. I am very lucky that my parents really gave me a strong sense of my cultural self. For example, I grew up celebrating Sinterklaas, Christmas, Halloween, & Thanksgiving, but I would also get introduced to international holidays - being at an international school - and the local holidays of whatever country I lived in. I think for me what was always interesting growing up was to see the difference of family dynamics growing up. My Mom’s side resembled a South American family – your extended family was 40+ people - you knew everyone from your cousin to your cousin’s cousin and so on - but then, you don’t really know how you’re related to everyone, you just are related. My Dad’s family is a more typical American structure. He’s one of 7, but we keep things to the 1st cousin level, but it’s still a unit. I feel blessed to have such a wide-ranging family and family types. It’s allowed me to connect to so many people of so many different backgrounds - and I would not have been able to do that, had I not grown up interacting with them as much as I did.
I think interracial relationships are a lot more accepted now, then it was before. However, I don’t even think it’s mixed-race in the traditional sense. There’s a lot more emphasis on heritage & class - which were and are obviously tied to race. However, since interracial marriages are a lot more accepted now, people still have to find a way to other people. Look at the rhetoric of American politics or British politics surrounding migrants - somehow they are lesser because of where they were from. They’re not ‘native’. But what does that even mean? And they create an image of these people as ‘trying to move up in society’, and become what is deemed to be the, historically, white class. It’s weird since I observe it from an angle where I come off as White but am still othered because I sound American and don’t look wholly Anglo/am not completely Anglo-Saxon. At the end of the day, people are more tribal than they realize and seem what to keep races and countries pure, which unfortunately, can translate down to the idea of interracial marriages. And I hate to break it do people - people have been mixed for centuries now, so your purity idea can go out the window.
I need someone to be open to exploring and learning about new cultures like I am. I can’t be someone who is closed minded or anything like that. I think I relate more to people of mixed-race or cultures because we have faced some similar life experiences. But overall, I look for someone who is open minded and doesn’t just think that race, class, heritage, etc. is the only factor in a person’s personhood. I think it has made me so open to meeting and talking with people. I hate people judging me for what they see or hear, so I try not to do that either. I try not to categorise people as ‘bad’ because they are a certain race or that a certain race has certain characteristics. To put simply, I believe that there are good and bad people in this world and your race doesn’t predispose you to any sort of qualities. I try to give everyone the same level of respect and openness when I meet them. People tell me is I have a warmness that they don’t get from a lot of people. I think that comes from my South American cultural background mixed with being a Diplomat’s daughter where I always had to be ‘on’ when meeting people. That now, it just comes naturally to me. I love meeting and I love hearing their stories.
One final thing, this is really more from my Diplomatic lifestyle, moving around a lot I have gained the ability to pick-up and move anywhere. At the age of 25, I have lived in 8 different countries, 3 continents, and moved 8 major times, with a few minor moves in between. With my mixed-cultural background and nomadic lifestyle - I have this ability to make anywhere home and also befriend anyone I choose. It’s truly a blessing. I love meeting people and learning about the culture. This means I have people all over the World I can call on if I’m travelling or moving somewhere new - I’m also always willing and able to help anyone where I live because I would want the same for me!
I think there’s a stereotype of what a mixed-race person looks like, and I think people find it hard to believe that someone like myself would be. Yet people have no idea where to place me in the World since I don’t like a person from any specific place. It was interesting because I mostly lived in Europe in an American diplomatic household, went to international schools, and basically had a strong sustained tie to a developing country in South America. When I moved to America for University, I remember being told I don’t know anything about problems because I’m White. Which is the first time, I had something said about me due to my race. It was a shock. Because my Mom’s family comes from a developing country, which had, and now has again, a military dictator. I’m pretty sure I had undiagnosed depression in my teens. I had body image issues. I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend. I was a person with a story and my own troubles. To have that swept away because I was white - felt very demeaning and dismissive of my cultural upbringing. Obviously, people of color face this all the time and have had society work against them based on these very judgements and that is not to be dismissed. However, I think anyone has the propensity to judge based on race and I think it’s important we all hold ourselves to a standard where we don’t do that. I have a weird relationship with cultural appropriation and how it’s talked about - don’t get me wrong it does happen and has negative consequences - but I think of my personal experience and I have taken bits and pieces of every culture of lived in and made them my own:
People cannot understand how I can relate to certain cultural things or that I’m putting it on/ could be seen as cultural appropriation because of how I look. But I’m not. Suriname is such a huge mix of Afro-Caribbean, Indian, Chinese, Brazilian, Indonesian, & Dutch culture. I grew up watching so much Bollywood as a child that I could understand some Hindi (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was on once a month), we celebrated Carnival, I would go Salsa dancing and dance reggaeton, Sranan Tongo (Suriname’s local creole tongue) was used throughout sentences - this is all from Suriname, but you would never guess that from looking at me. I spent my teens in Dublin, where I was an emo kid listening to metal, watching British popular culture, taking on those fashion trends. Then I went to college in Southern Virginia where I gained an appreciation for hiking, crappy beer (nothing below PBR), driving, and flannel shirts. All these things are part of me and I live them fully.
I think that an interesting aspect of my identity is my accent. It’s heavily American but changes when I move around. So no matter where I move, I sound like an outsider to everyone. However, since I sound mostly American, people assume I am most that. Living in the UK for the past 2 years, I feel like I am judged as being a different race for being American and European. I have felt quite othered here even though I am White. It’s quite a fascinating phenomenon actually. Being mostly White, I obviously have so many privileges that I get to have, but I think people can dismiss that I may have other cultural heritage due to how I look and talk.
Food is the biggest connection I have to all the cultures I grew up in - I love Surinamese food the best, but it also holds a special place in my heart. I also grew up eating and making American food with my family - so those traditions are very important to me. However, growing up and moving around food became the easiest way for me to learn about the cultures I was living in. I can name my favorite dish of every country I have lived in & been to. Dance is a big part of my life. Being South American from a country where there’s a large Afro-Caribbean culture, salsa, bachata, reggaeton, dance hall, to name a few are all big parts of me. I love dancing to them and they make me feel so alive and happy. My fashion is a mixture of American 80s culture with a Latin flare.
I grew up going to both of my native countries. I ended up going to college in the States to reconnect with my American heritage and it really helped me shape my American identity. Growing up in mostly Europe, I wanted to be fully European (I have a Dutch Passport so I have that going for me). I was pretty proud to be Surinamese, but I did NOT like being American. I was really against my American heritage. As a teenager, I especially wanted to fit in. I was never enough of anything to be considered any one nationality. I also never looked like anyone else - being a teenager in Europe, where you’re not tall, skinny, pale - it takes a toll when all you want is a boy to find you attractive. I just wanted to fit it - but how can you fit in when you’re not like everyone else? However, now, I revel in it. I love the aspects of my American personality, Surinamese personality, my Diplomatic personality, and my third culture kid upbringing. I am blessed with these beautiful curves, my wonderful curly hair, and a unique look. I feel so lucky to be a mixture of cultures and I get to surprise people with little factoids about myself. I am always excited to learn and do new things. I love that I don’t fit in, nor do I think I ever will, but fitting in is boring anyway.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I don’t think I’d want to be anything different, honestly. I love who I am.