American | Chinese
I identify as a heterosexual, White American/Chinese ex-pat who has been living in the UK for the past eight years. I was brought up Catholic but have been agnostic for the majority of my life. My Mother is originally from Nanjing, China and my Father is a White American from New York, US. They met in the 80’s in Miami, Florida where my Mother was working on her PhD, and my Father had just moved back to the US after living in various Asian countries for several years.
My parents’ upbringings were radically different. My Mother grew up in the heat of the Cultural Revolution, and because of my Chinese family’s involvement with the KMT party, they suffered extensive public humiliation and ostracization. My Father on the other hand hails from several generations of ‘WASPy’ Wall Street bankers and business owners (old money). My Mother has virtually never talked about what her life was like growing up, and in turn always took advantage of opportunities to brag about my Father’s pedigree and family history to colleagues. She espoused this pride to me and my siblings as well when we were growing up, and actively pressured us to only identify with this half of our background. My Father on the other hand had always overtly embraced the unique qualities of the East Asian lifestyle more than his own upbringing. After my parents, he moved back to China, I presume because he feels that is where his place in the world is rooted. In the past twelve years, he has only returned to the US once.
I do feel interracial relationships are far more un-phasing for the current generation than they may have been for my parents/grandparents generation. I’ve spent the majority of my life in Philadelphia and London, two very culturally/racially diverse cities. To me, interracial relationships are so commonplace that it doesn’t even register a reaction most of the time. I have always had a ‘no holes barred’ approach when it comes to my personal relationships, meaning I have no preferences whatsoever when it comes to choosing a partner. If anything, I do find it entrancing to date individuals who have a significantly different cultural upbringings in any respect to myself.
The only challenges I have faced because of my mixed identity have been personally inflicted. From time to time, I struggle immensely with self-consciousness and low self-esteem and that includes my physical appearance, as superficial as that sounds. In line with common East Asian perceptions of beauty, my Mother always pressured me to be very slim, especially since I’m naturally heavier and more muscular than the rest of my siblings. I’ve struggled with eating disorders since I was 15, and there are many aspects I hate about my physical appearance that I have attributed to resulting from my mixed genealogy.
My entire life, I have always felt there was a bit of an irrelevance between my ethnicity and my identity. If anything, that disconnect has grown more as I get older and continue to try to find my place in the world. I generally never disclose that I am mixed or Asian unless I am asked directly, as I worry that I will immediately be typecast to certain attributes and stereotypes. I genuinely feel the significant milestones and challenges I have faced would have all occurred regardless of my ethnicity. On the contrary, I feel the cities and environments I have lived in have had more of a significant influence on shaping the person I am today. I work as an operations manager at a Big 4 tech company. I truly love the vast diversity of my workplace both in the range of backgrounds and mindsets present, and I do believe that is an element of their work culture that is promoted and embraced.
As of a few months ago, at the current point I am at in my life, I am genuinely the happiest I have ever been. Things obviously are never perfect, and sometimes it really is a daily struggle for me to move past my insecurities and continue trying to become a better person. However I wouldn’t trade away anything about myself or my life that has brought me to this stage, and I just try to focus on staying on an upward trajectory.