German/African-American | Irish

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I identify as mixed-race; Black and White. That's usually as specific as I get unless people have follow-up questions, then I will say that the ethnicities/nationalities of my Black side were lost in the diaspora, and the White side is mostly German with some Irish. Both are from the United States, though my Dad is a dual citizen in Germany and the U.S. They grew up in the same hometown and had some of the same friends.

My parents weren't together while I was growing up, and so my experience with them was always very separated between whether I was with one or the other. My Dad speaks fluent German but I never learned, that was kind of typical of him in general, he didn't share too much of his culture with me and was more concerned with conforming himself to the norm of Whiteness in America. My Mom was always way more supportive of my Blackness/mixedness, but it was difficult because she is a White woman and so her experience was limited as well.

Not in terms of making me have a specific ‘type’ (i.e. only dating mixed folks), but I definitely don't think I could be with someone long-term who didn't understand the inherent difficulties of being between two cultures, whether they experienced this directly or not. 

Growing up I pretended to be White because it's all I saw around me, and it was easiest, because I'm pretty White passing. Today I'm way more comfortable not pretending to be just one or the other of my races. But I do constantly find myself saying ‘I'm mixed’ when people ask, so I can avoid getting into the complicated fractions of explaining that my Dad is mixed and my Mom is White, meaning that I am even less Black than if I were an exact half and half split.

I think about this all the time, because my Grandparents (on my Dad's side) actually were in an interracial relationship. The existence of multiracial children is not something that is new or specific to my generation or even the one before mine. Though many of the conversations that we have are limited to the lowest-bar questions of ‘should this exist’ or ‘will mixed kids have an identity’, things like that. The fact is that racial intermixing is kind of an inherent fact of life and has been since the dawn of mankind, or should I say the dawn of racial labels.

I can fit in a lot of different places, like a chameleon, and I don't often look like a tourist when I travel. However, it is tough to not feel a full and total sense of belonging in any one racial or ethnic group. I have been to Germany, and that was really cool to get to know my family, even though I don't speak German. I actually recently decided that I want to look into my ancestry on my Black side, because I think it would be a really great way for me to connect to a culture that I didn't really have access to when I was growing up. 

I didn't know much about anything regarding the mixed-race experience when I was growing up! I thought I would have to choose one or the other until I was about 23 years old and started embarking on this journey of really understanding myself as mixed and the identity associated with being mixed. So it has changed a lot. I'm sure that it will continue to change, and I'm happy with that. I love learning and adapting to new ideas and challenges. 

I think people of color in general are underrepresented (everywhere) and this needs to be addressed. To me, representation is everything! I grew up thinking I was the only person in the world who was mixed like me, so imagine how much different mine and others' lives would be if we didn't have to live so long without knowing that there is a community out there for us. We need to stop looking at a complete erasure of race and instead take a critical look towards the inherent limitations of the labels we have. Then we can see how we can become more inclusive and understanding of each other by broadening our own perspectives and the perspectives of those around us.

I would like to be reborn in a different time, but every time has its inherent limitations. More than anything, I'm grateful for all the things my experience as a mixed person has afforded me, and I wouldn't give it up for anything!