English/Irish | English/Nigerian

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My Dad is half English and half Nigerian. My Mum is White but 25% Irish and Catholic, but we've not been brought up overly religious through a joint decision. My parents actually stopped going to Church because my sister was racially bullied there.

We're a very Northern English family; boiling the kettle in the afternoon and Sunday roasts. My Dad mainly listens to dance music from African-American artists and my Mum serenades us with musicals! She's definitely passed on to me a love of musicals for sure! My Dad has never shied away from his Black heritage and has told us all about growing up mixed-race in the sixties and seventies. He stands by the fact local girls used to queue up to babysit him because he was so cute! He also used to go to a club in Manchester called the Reno where mainly mixed-race youths attended who felt isolated from clubs that majority White and Black people attended. He claims he had no idea of the racial element but he just loved the music! My parents have definitely encouraged my interest in more general Black and mixed-race history from watching films and documentaries with me, recommending series to my Mum, sending me book extracts and my Dad showing me newspaper clippings of obituaries for racial activists.

I don't feel an attachment to any of my cultures, more intrigue, so it definitely hasn't impacted my choice in partners. Obviously I would never date anyone who has an issue with my racial background though. But I do worry about when I eventually have kids, if we work on the basis of my boyfriend being White, I wonder, will they be confused by their Grandad being darker than the rest of the family? Will they stress about their racial identity like I have? Will they feel like they belong? What will their racial identity be? Will it even matter in the future? I consider myself to be White passing, so when I started Uni I wanted to hide that my Dad was mixed. I don't know why. I decided against this and I am very proud stating that I am quarter Nigerian even despite the confused looks because 'I don't look it' and I know barely anything about my ancestry.

My parents have and continue to have a horrendous time as an interracial couple. We live in an area where you're either White or of Middle Eastern/Asian Muslim descent, we don't fit in either category. I've seen the way people treat my Dad differently to my Mum, how they are treated differently to non-interracial couple, the fact they struggle to make friends as a couple. I'm holding back a lot as I would need to check with my parents how much they would want shared. But my Mum was disowned from her family on account of my Dad's racial background. Similarly, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have the same concentration of Blackness in their union with quarter Black children like me and look at all the racism surrounding that. So part of me thinks things are still pretty bad, but, on the flipside I see a lot of people in mixed relationships and I know a lot of people who want mixed babies, particularly with a Black and White mix! Attitudes are definitely changing; I'm questioning whether it’s now seen desirable to be a mixed family?

I'm proud of being mixed-race but I can't think of any positives other than I feel immense pride in my family's survival and me and my siblings were incredibly cute babies! In terms of negatives, seeing my family struggle and knowing my siblings were racially bullied growing up is a huge one. In terms of my own identity, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I'm not Black, White or even mixed enough. Through no fault of my parents, I don't feel greatly connected to any of my other cultural backgrounds. In today's racial climate, I feel like I have to pick a side but I can't and why should I? I want to feel comfortable as a quarter Black English woman with a hint of Irish who has figured out how to keep her hair healthy and style her curls well!

I don't plan on visiting Nigeria but through records I've managed to find some information about my Mum's ancestors in Sligo, Ireland, so I'd love to visit there. For some reason I feel a greater connection to Ireland compared to Nigeria, perhaps because I'm able to place them on a map through census records and know more about the history. I also did Irish dance classes at Uni and love the traditional music.

As a kid I barely thought of my racial identity. I had straight hair for the majority of my childhood too whereas my siblings both had afro hair. As a teen becoming more interested in racial history I started to become more aware of my Black ancestry. Consequently, I became very wound up with racial issues that were still prevalent in today's society. I'm a very empathetic person so naturally the causes of the BLM protests of 2020 got to me emotionally too. Yet, I feel ashamed when things to do with race wind me up, like my opinion is irrelevant or wrong because I'm too emotional. I feel like I should be more rational yet it feels impossible, sometimes I feel like racial divides are growing and things will never change for the greater good. But I'm hopeful.

Education is key. England itself is such a diverse nation, even those who consider themselves to be White English through and through are likely to have some foreign ancestry. As a History student, I think acknowledging immigration as part of English history is a key part of this. I also think keeping a racial discourse open is essential too, how can we move forward if we're too scared to discuss race?

I see a lot more interracial families and mixed-race individuals on adverts and television. I couldn't contain my excitement when I saw the first Bridgeton advertisement! However, I'm such a specific mix it’s hard to find people that look exactly like me, but I'm seeing a lot more mixed-race children and interracial couples so I'm sure little me’s will be a lot more prominent in the future! Although, I feel like there is a lot more that needs to be changed regarding representations of Blackness in the media and that certainly doesn't involve quarter Black individuals in adverts! As a history student, I can name only two mixed-race historians, David Olusoga and Emma Dabiri, at least they're the ones often shown on television. If you insist I will take one for the team and represent myself as a historian on television!

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would be more confident in my racial identity. Still mixed but able to embrace the fun sides of my cultural backgrounds more easily (music, dance, dress, food).

During the pandemic I have been lucky to have been side-tracked by finishing an undergrad degree and going onto a Masters. Both in History. I've struggled with my mental health, particularly anxiety for years so I've attended well-being groups. I study in Plymouth so it’s been good going on walks to the sea too.