American | German/Japanese

Photo credit: provided by subject

My Dad is Japanese and German, and my Mom is Caucasian American. I think my parents did a really lovely job of raising me with a mix of traditions from their families. My Mom has always really loved family stories and genealogies and did a great job of telling our family stories from both her family and my Dad’s, and instilling pride in me for being from both. My Dad has always been excited to share aspects of Japanese culture with me, and I’ve been able to have conversations with both of my parents about challenging and problematic aspects of both their family cultures.

I am married to someone who supports and celebrates my Japanese roots and who is open-minded about cultural values that are different from the ones he grew up with. I could not be with someone who wasn’t willing to make space in their life and home for new traditions, foods, values, words, etc. My partner has Scottish heritage and it has been very fun to explore our family histories together.

Some of my most positive experiences have actually come about recently, as I have connected with other mixed-race folks who are White-passing. I have made a couple friends in the last year who are ¼ Latina as I am ¼ Japanese, and ¾ White, and it has been really wonderful to share struggles and celebrate each other’s’ languages, foods, traditions, experiences, etc. I also love the unique sense of belonging I have when I am around my cousins and other family on my dad’s side.

I am White-passing, so I do not have the same challenges with racism that I would if I was more visibly Asian and a person of color. But being White-passing also means that unless I go out of my way to let someone know I am Asian as well as White, they usually just assume I am White. This can be incredibly frustrating, and for a long time has contributed to me feeling like I am not ‘Asian enough’. I recently took a Japanese language course for the first time and realized how worried I was that if I was bad at learning Japanese, it would make me even less credibly Asian. My class ended up having people from many backgrounds in it, some of whom were also mixed-race Japanese-Canadian and learning their language for the first time. It was so freeing to learn alongside other people who were like me!

Holidays, food, and language are all very important in my family, and we have always incorporated holiday traditions, foods, and vocabulary words and short phrases from both my parents’ families. I visited Japan when I was a baby, but I do not remember it! I would love to go back as an adult and visit relatives, use the bit of Japanese language I’ve learned, and explore!

When I was very little, I identified very strongly with the Japanese aspects of my identity. As I got older, I think I began to believe that I wasn’t ‘really’ Asian, but that it was cool anyway for me to want to stay connected to a culture that was my Dad’s, and my Grandfather’s, but not really mine. It has only really been recently that I’ve really started to understand that even if I was completely disconnected from my Japanese roots, it would not make me less Japanese, that is not something I can take away from myself. It is a core part of who I am.

I am very fortunate to work in an office that strives to be inclusive. I very much feel like my gender and sexuality are welcome there. I think there could be a lot more racial diversity in my office, but all the colleagues I have a personal relationship with are very open to perspectives that are different from theirs and are seeking to bring more and more missing and underrepresented perspectives into our workplace.

I love who I am and how I look, and I am so proud of belonging to both my parents’ families. That being said, part of me sometimes wishes that I was more visibly Japanese. However, White-passing comes with a lot of privilege, and my Dad has had some very unjust experiences as a person of color that I would never have as someone who doesn’t really look Asian. That being said, people often tell me I look like my Mom, but don’t say the same with my Dad. I love how much I look like my Mom, but I think if I am honest with myself, I would love to look a little bit more like my Dad and his Dad.