Irish/English | Colombian/German

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as Latina, Christian & Straight. My Mum is Colombian and German, my Dad is Irish and English. My Dad works for telecommunications, his job takes him around the world. He met my Mother at a family party in Colombia when he worked there. 

Even after they divorced my Dad still constantly calls Colombia his favourite place, eating the food, listening to all the music and speaking Spanish whenever he can. My Dad learnt Spanish fluently and was always interested in the Colombian culture (and the women!). My Mum learnt English, she moved to England and constantly still learns more and more to feel more connected.

I was raised in Saudi Arabia from 3 months old and Dubai from when I was 9. I was born in England and moved back when I was 15 for boarding school then lived in Kenya. I’ve never lived in Colombia, but Spanish and English are my first languages (grew up speaking Spanglish really). There are so many positives to my identity. It’s always an interesting icebreaker for starters. I love being from Colombia and looking very Latina as I feel closest to my Mother’s side of the family as they’re so welcoming and the culture is incredible. I love the food, the music, the people, the dancing. 

My culture used to have an effect on my choice in partners, solely because it always ended up being a negative thing as I wasn’t ‘fully’ from one culture. As I grew up I realised I will never be just one culture, but I will embrace all and be proud of being from so many different places.

It makes me insecure when someone asks me where I am from and my friends make fun of it, or I don’t mention a place and get called on it. It’s always a long conversation even when I say where I was born, because of the colour of my skin I will always be asked – ‘and where else?’. It’s improved hugely but not enough. In my Grandparents' generation it was widely frowned upon but now it’s very rare to see people who are against it in my generation. But that’s not to say there aren’t thousands who do still.

Although I was born in England I try to avoid saying I am from there as I always got told I wasn’t from there. I’d always be called an immigrant or foreigner and it affected me greatly when I was younger, so I was constantly in denial. I didn’t want to be associated with a country who was so unwelcoming and in many cases, racist. Going to university there and having a partner who is from the UK I have learned to love it more and explore it more, learning new words for things and accepting it as part of my identity. There are many challenges with both though, as I will never feel accepted into either fully.

Visiting Colombia for the first time was incredible, I visit regularly to see family and learn more about where I am from. I am now attending university in the UK, so I have also learnt more about this side. But growing up in Saudi Arabia and Dubai for 18 years of my life has made me want to embrace those countries more. I used to wish I wasn’t Colombian and tanned. I used to constantly wish I was White as those who are tanned, or dark were considered poor or dirty. My outlook has changed completely, I embrace the fact I am mixed constantly and will forever be grateful for my Mother and Father showing me the great things to do with my identity.

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would like to return more aware of what I have and grateful for it. You spend too much of your life finding things to feel insecure about or worry about when there is far more to be grateful and proud about, it’s amazing how much your life changes around once you realise this.

Seeing the death of George Floyd angered me that we still have to fight and that we still have to justify our actions to protest. I’m also disappointed to find people who still disagree with anti-racist movements and angry at the media.