English | Pakistani

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as mixed-race, I follow no religion, I am heterosexual. My Father is English, and my Mum is Pakistani. My parents met in a store my Father was working in at the time, my Mum came in to buy a shirt for her brother. 

We ate English food at home but Pakistani food at my Grandparents, who we saw many times a week. So curry on Christmas Day, Turkey on Boxing Day. I only speak English, my Mum listened to both English and Asian music and I grew up watching a lot of Bollywood at my Grandparents. 

I have been to Pakistan 3 times with my parents. They love my Dad there as they love White skin. My Mum was strict with who I hung out with as a teenager, but I was allowed to have boyfriends. She would drop and pick me up from dates. My Mum is very dark skinned for a Pakistani so experienced mockery from her own family for her skin colour when she was young. I look more Asian than mixed and darker than some of my full Pakistani extended family and they made sure we knew this as well. I prefer it when people think I am Mediterranean. My Grandfather always approved of my parent’s relationship, he was very western in his thinking. My other two Uncles also married English women, but my cousins came out very fair. 

Feeling different and like you don't belong can be an internal challenge. I don't really see myself as Pakistani so when someone points it out or says something about the culture that is directed at me I don't relate to it. One of the positives is a richer upbringing for sure. I have turned out quite exotic looking which usually generates a nice response around most people I meet, they always remember me! I can also go to a lot of countries and fit in. I enjoyed going to LA and seeing all the Hispanic people as I look like one of them. Or people stopping me down Oxford Street to ask if I am Brazilian. I understand other mixed and non-mixed people and other cultures and that helps me bond with people quicker than people who don't have mixed heritage. I feel like I can connect with a variety of people in the world. I haven’t visited Pakistan since I went with my family at 14.

I used to be embarrassed and try and hide it but now I am proud to say mixed-race. I think when I was a child, the label 'mixed-race' wasn't an option. You were either Indian or English. No in-between. 

I’ve never really thought about it but if I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return the same. It's made me who I am and it's more fun being different than to be the same as everyone else in the room. This is quite a private thought, but my daughter is only quarter Pakistani but has come out with very olive skin. Her Father is Blonde with Blue eyes and they look nothing alike. Everyone says she is the spitting image of me. This bothers me as she will get asked about her heritage like I did and sadly she won't even know much about it as due to family feuds we don't even see much of my Asian family anymore so that culture isn't even a part of our lives. The only Asian in her life is my Mum but she is already 75 and my daughter isn't 3 yet.