Scottish | Chinese
One of my greatest challenges was moving to London. I craved more life and excitement. Nothing had prepared me for how difficult it would be living in such a big city with no support system. I stretched every £, and made an effort to see the city, and travel to Europe. It looked like I was living the dream to the outside world, but inside I was struggling more than I ever have. I remember my first panic attack waiting for the DLR. I couldn't breathe. I sat down and tried to take really slow deep breaths. I can't tell you the no. of days I would sit on the tube going home standing silently with tears streaming down my face. Such a big city, with so many people around me, I had never felt so lonely. I didn't want to tell anyone at home how much I was struggling because I didn't know how to start the conversation, and I also didn't think there was anything anyone could do. I reached my breaking point when I was lying on the ground crying in my bedroom, and I knew I had to change something. I signed up for counselling and through that support, I really started to take control of my life and turn things around. I could not afford private sessions so I am grateful for the free support that the borough provided. That one person who listened to me cry, provided me with the space and support I desperately needed during that time and I will forever be grateful to her.
Chinese culture played a massive role in my upbringing. Mum's family lived in Vancouver with me, and I spent most of my time with my Grandma who only spoke Cantonese. I went to China in my teens. We visited the villages my Grandparents are from, I got to see where my Mum grew up. A very humbling experience, and made me appreciate just how hard my family worked to build the life we have today. As for Scotland, I decided to study in Glasgow for a year to get more in touch with that side of my heritage. I spent 19 years of my life without much exposure to my Scottish side. I ended up living there for 4 years. It was a great experience, having grown up so deeply immersed in Chinese culture, I still deeply resonate with my Chinese roots over my Scottish ones.
Sign up to Patreon or Subscribe to our website to read more