German | Indian
My Mother went to East Berlin to do her PhD in German. She met my father who was studying art history and had developed a particular interest in Indian art history. However, things became complicated. My father was critical of the GDR regime and was imprisoned for a year for his political positions. My mother, who had returned to India, could only write letters to him and often did not know how he was doing. My father was released after a year to West Berlin, which also allowed him to travel to India. They eventually got married in Delhi.
My Indian grandfather has been a great role model. He also studied law like me. Once India was independent, he became a politician. He represented the country at the UN and ultimately became a Governor. He fought for the collective good and always remained a grounded person who was kind to all people regardless of their class.
Recently, I have struggled a lot with my mixed-race identity. During the pandemic, I felt socially very isolated. This has raised major questions about belonging, home and identity. I have at different stages of my life felt more connected with either my German or Indian heritage. After a gap year in Brazil, I realised how much I have been influenced by German culture and how much I identify in particular with Berlin. It is an amazing, multicultural, liberal city that represents a lot of my values. At the same time, I have felt that some Germans will never fully accept me because of my skin colour. This is, however, contrasted with great German friends who fully embrace me.
Although I cannot point to one place as my home, I see so much beauty in different cultures and have felt at home in many countries. I’m on a slow but steady journey of understanding that there is something beautiful about how I see the world. Maybe I’m never going to feel completely at home in one place and that’s okay. I watched a documentary about Afro-Germans. The main journalist ended by saying that despite experiencing racism she would not want to change her skin colour for anything in the world. It allows her to see the world in a unique, amazing way. I am slowly seeing the same.
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