English/Northern Irish | Indian

I feel that the pandemic in many ways accelerated this wanting to understand myself and the ways I can be in the world. I spent much more time with my immediate family and got to know them better, understanding myself in new ways. I changed a lot as a person from March 2020 to now and I feel that the pandemic in many ways provided fertile soil for this growth. The beginnings were already there but needed a push. I am aware of the privilege inherent in this experience and understand that, for many, it was a very different experience internally and externally.

When I was a child I was very self conscious and embarrassed of being mixed, I felt that I didn't belong anywhere and that I would always exist in this strange limbo. I still have many confusing feelings about identity now but I would say I am grateful to belong in multiple spheres, to live at the intersection of two cultures and that I embrace it much more.

I identify myself as a mixed-race queer person. I am a practising lay Buddhist with strong influences from other wisdom traditions like Hinduism and Christianity. I feel that most of all I am a being, an experiencer of life, working out a way to be in the world that feels loving and compassionate. It is a lifelong journey to own who I am and I hope that in the future I continue to explore being mixed and to accept it even more. I have found Buddhist teachings very helpful to accept my identity as they have shown me that I was conceptualising it all wrong. I exist as an I, of course, but not in the ways I think I do and this has been most helpful.

I have dealt with a life of microaggressions and a few more serious incidents of racial abuse. Growing up predominantly around White people I felt that my being mixed-race was ignored or an annoyance but it has given me space to connect with other children of immigrants and other bodies of culture who understand this experience. Ultimately all of these experiences have pushed me towards the relationship I am now building with myself about all facets of my identity.