English | Trinidadian
I was born in Trinidad and lived there with my family on my Mother's side. My Dad is English, he left the family and returned to the UK when I was 3. I have lived in the UK and in Trinidad, going back and forth between the two as a child.
In Trinidad I was bullied at school for being a 'White girl'. It was my first experience like this, I didn't understand because this was where I was from. When we lived in the UK I got bullied because of my accent.. So I asked my drama club teacher who was also an elocution coach to teach me how to speak with a British accent. We did 1 lesson a week, and by year 9 in school I was flawless! Looking back I feel sorry for that teenager, who wanted to fit in so badly she went through those strict accent classes. Why did I not feel like I would be accepted if I just showed up, with whatever accent that was?
What does fitting in mean? For me now, as a grown woman, fitting in means being comfortable with yourself and bringing YOU out to the world. In whatever shape, size, colour accent that may be. My obsession for fitting in did nothing but hinder my growth. I was hiding behind a fake accent at secondary school. Pretending to understand cultural references, pretending to myself I was not mixed-race. Being someone from a mixed heritage can feel like you don't fit into either culture sometimes. My family in Trinidad are Carib, French Creole, Venezuelan and Italian, and my Dad's side is English. I find myself constantly having to answer the question 'where am I from'. Most of the time people are interested, which is not a negative thing, but I rarely see friends of mine who are not mixed ask that same question as often.
I would say that I feel like my home is both London and Trinidad. I was recently contacted by someone who is my first cousin who has shown me that my family tree is one of the largest in Trinidad with 1.5 thousand people! I love both cultures so much in so many ways, and I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood. Stop caring about any of it. Be you as you are, as you come, unapologetically because that is the uniqueness that God blessed you with.
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