Dutch | Curaçaoan
I've walked around with some many thoughts and feelings locked up in my own head for nearly thirty years. And it hasn't been since I started reading about similar stories on platforms like these and connecting with people who are going through the same process that I was able to feel really grounded in my own experience. So I really came to realise the importance of creating space for these conversations.
The first time I was asked ‘how do you identify?’ instead of ‘where are you from?’, it initially felt as if they added another task to my already long *find-out-where-I-belong* to-do list. But I came to realise that it did the exact opposite. It didn't add a task but it removed the task of trying to fit within some predefined box. It gave permission to listen to my own feelings rather than the expectations set by whomever, whenever.
It made a significant difference when I realised that my racial background isn't a checklist of criteria I need to adhere to. Because being mixed-race and having two separate lists with conflicting requirements, that per definition meant I was set up for failure. Now I realise that instead of criteria, there were options all along. Instead of boxes where I needed to fit myself in, they were little boxes with tools that I could use to build up my character, or that I could leave right where they are. It feels like I'm in a supermarket with all kinds of goodies and I can go shopping. Mixing and matching all the elements that I love about my heritage and just leaving everything that doesn't interest me at all. The funny thing is, on the outside, nothing changed. I'm doing the same stuff. Listening to the same music, I have the same passions, same food preferences, same clothing; all of that. But I just feel at peace instead of sometimes conflicted. I love it.
Take your time to explore, if you want, or just take your time to be who you want. In the end, we don't need to find our identity. It is already here. It will change and it will evolve.
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