French | Jamaican/German
This disconnect between my parents’ cultures and my own really impacted their understanding of me and my understanding of them, and while they accepted and praised the different cultural influences my brother and I had, they also could not quite understand to what extent the great number of cultures we were raised in impacted us, nor even the impact it had on our mental health. Being ripped apart from every form of community you manage to create, time and time again, is really not ideal for social beings. Of course, my Mom did understand better as a mixed-race Jamaican-German who grew up in the US and France. But even in this case, she did spend an important part of her childhood in France.
For a long time, I had not understood that I was mixed-race. I don't even know if I actually believed I existed. But I do remember how close friends of mine denied my mixed-race heritage. No matter where I went, I just didn't belong. I didn't get all the intricacies of any of the cultures, I didn't get enough of any culture to show I belong. For a long time, I was afraid of boldly stating that I was mixed-race. Instead, I stuck to my parent’s nationalities, and then listed the countries I grew up in. It's a long introduction but at least I didn't have to state that I was mixed-race, and in that way, I wouldn't receive any comments denying that.
Choosing to portray myself on @mixedracefaces is one of those steps that I'm undertaking to affirm my identity for myself. My favorite quote is a quote by Audre Lorde: ‘It is axiomatic that if we do not define ourselves for ourselves, we will be defined by others - for their use and our detriment’. When I read this quote for the first time, I understood that there was no use in hiding parts of my identity: I exist, I am valid, and I deserve to be acknowledged for who I am.
This is also why I am currently working on creating my own community that focuses on mental health in culturally and racially mixed people. It's still in the making, but I know that it is essential for building a community within a globalised world.
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