Trinidadian | Indian | Venezuelan | Spanish
I identify as Black British, Trinidadian, straight & OCD advocate. I am a model and influencer, delivering two TEDx Talks. TEDx 2022 about the straight jacket of masculinity & TEDx 2018 referring to the education system and how we can’t leave anyone behind. I now aim to deliver a third TEDx Talk to help raise awareness of OCD, so watch this space!
My parents met at their workplace; my Dad was a radiographer and my Mum was a nurse. My Mum has worked as a nurse for over 35 years, she came from Trinidad. Trinidad’s culture is a mix of the countries that colonised it. The Spanish took control in 1592. It continued under Spanish rule until 1797, when it was captured by the British. Trinidad was formally ceded to the United Kingdom in 1802. In 1845 the first ship arrived in Trinidad's Port-of-Spain, carrying 217 Indian labourers, initiating the massive migration of South Asians across the globe. This has massively shaped the culture of Trinidad. We were also colonised by the French who colonised during the seventeenth century. France occupied the colony from August 1666 to March 1667. On 6 December 1677, the French destroyed the Dutch colony and claimed the entire island before restoring it to the Dutch by the first Treaty of Nijmegen on 10 August 1678. In 1628 Jan de Moor, the burgomaster of Vlissingen in the Netherlands, acquired the rights to colonise Tobago from the Dutch West India Company.
Coming from a country with 1.4 million people we are often overshadowed by Jamaica, otherwise colloquially known as the ‘Bob Marley Effect’. Trinidad has often been overshadowed by louder islands! I aim to be a role model to other young Black boys and girls, but also fellow Trinidadians. Trinidad's culture is a melting pot quite literally, our cultures are similar but also in small ways different. My biggest role model is Sir Trevor McDonald for what he has done in Britain especially whilst being a Trinidadian. Sir Trevor was the first Black news anchor in the UK and has won more awards than any other British broadcaster. My Mum always looked forward to seeing him on television and we would watch the news together. When I was younger I aspired to be like Sir Trevor and hope to one day meet him.
I have never hidden my identity, I am so proud of the country I am from, it is rich with culture and vibrancy. We have the best carnival in the world. Trinidad has such a unique sense of identity and it has informed me of who I am now. I shout loud and proud of my Trinidad identity. However, whilst my parents are mixed, I am always assumed to have a White or Black parent, for years I felt I had to prove Blackness being lighter skinned. In contemporary society, many of us are guilty of subconsciously adopting social bubbles reinforcing and justifying our own opinions. This can be detrimental to our personal progression as we blindside our mentality and adopt a pattern of tribalism.
Racial inequality and injustice is a multi pronged attack, various elements are at hand, we have known the facts for years now and it further is being exposed. We need more dialogue, but I think we need a consensus on how to solve things. There are too many intra-wars within the communities that I believe prevent progress as a whole. One person's liberation is another person's oppression, it is a seesaw within the political and sociological landscape. We need to find the most common good and level out the most negatives we are humanly capable of.
I have visited Trinidad and hope to move back one day. I used to visit Trinidad twice a year, every year. I was so lucky, my Mum saved up and worked incredibly hard after my Dad died. Going back taught me so much about life and where my heritage is. In the famous words of Marcus Garvey ‘A people without knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots’. I have learnt so much about home after from home, but there's no greater feeling than going home breathing the air, being in the culture and being around your people.
My views have changed massively growing up realising Black is a political stance and culture is very different. I have sought to know about Trinidad. My ethnic background is represented to a degree with famous individuals such as Darcus Howe, a Black activist. Also we have Floella Benjamin as well. I have so many Trinidadians to look up to! Claudia Jones was a feminist, political activist, visionary, and pioneering journalist. Jones was born in Trinidad in 1915. After living and working in the United States, where she was an active member of the American Communist Party, Jones was exiled to the UK in 1955. She started the blueprint for Notting Hill Carnival as we know it today! I am currently cooking a lot of Trinidadian food! and I plan to attend more events. In the past I did not see the significance of attending such events. As I have grown older I now see the importance for when I have a family to share my beautiful culture. I consciously have also been making the choice to hang around more Trinidadians to learn more.
Recently I was diagnosed with OCD. People hear OCD and think it is all about cleaning, my OCD is PURE '0' which refers to distressing internal thoughts. I believed I was gay, a rapist and suicidal, I thought I was the worst person in the world. OCD has taught me so much. It has been the worst thing to ever happen to me, but I will be the worst thing to happen to OCD. I write about my story to help others out there, it is so much more common than we think!
I also shared my journey through a series of articles. I now aim to help others. OCD is ranked by the World Health Organisation in the top 10 of the most disabling illnesses by lost income and decreased quality of life, according to OCD UK. Around three-quarters of a million people are thought to be living with severe, life-impacting and debilitating Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) here in the UK. It is a serious mental illness. I am in recovery and want to help others!
I cried recently thinking about how far I have come with my diagnosis. A few weeks ago I thought I was going to be dead. I am thankful to be here telling my story because a story shared is a burden halved. As a man it is so important to cry, so many men pretend and act as if we don't cry. I cried not out of sadness, but out of an overwhelming gratitude for life. Practising gratitude has taken me through my incredibly rough times, I learn to realise I am a soft and sensitive young man.
My Father dying shaped my life massively, he died when I was six years old on Christmas day. I delivered a Tedx talk about my journey with masculinity. My podcast also acts as a bridge to other worlds, as diverse conversation enriches all of our lives.
Corona was difficult, my mum has been away for a very long time in Trinidad, she left before Covid then the world shut down. Whilst the world shut down my creative juices got flowing. I started my podcast called ‘Flower Hour’, which unravels the trajectories of individuals, seeking to comprehend why they are the person they are now, but also understanding the moments and times that defined them. We have more in common than divides us. Covid also taught me the value in community, we can't do things alone, in our society i feel we have become so individualistic humans are not born to be alone, we need our tribe and to look out for one another. it showed me i need human interaction and a longing for connection