Scottish | Pakistani
My Mother is Scottish, however she has one English parent. My Dad is from Pakistan, Kashmir. I feel very English as I have grown up my whole life in Essex. They met in Watford through friends. My Dad was letting a room out to a friend, who had a girlfriend, and she was from Scotland. She ended up my Aunty. Then, one day my Mum visited and met my Dad. The rest is history. My family has been really great and supportive, and I love them all. I am lucky in that I have not experienced any serious personal challenges in my life. Credit to my family.
I don't think I was proud of my heritage growing up, it made me different and probably gave me some popularity. Now I understand it more and its significance. There is a growing community of people with shared experiences as me, navigating the same world and leaping the same hurdles. Reading stories on the Mixedracefaces website has opened my eyes to my past and it feels so familiar. It makes me excited to meet more people like me. It is stupid because before I didn't think there was anyone like me, but of-course there are thousands.
My childhood school was 99% White, it was very noticeable I was different by the colour of my skin. This said, I would never hide my identity, it would be impossible to do so. Importantly, I would always share my mixed heritage. I looked different but I didn't feel different, I had the same accent, clothes, and friends as everybody else. There was nobody else like me, but what could I have done? As a kid I would feel more English than my Asian roots and this shaped everything. There was nobody to be friends with who could share my differences and draw out conversations about our race, to celebrate it. I never outwardly hide my identity, but maybe I did on the inside, it was locked away, never to be expressed.
I have been called many things as a teenager at school. It is hard to be called horrible words and not try to repress the 'different' side of you. I am not sure why people use these words, often it was light-hearted but polarising nonetheless. But it is not all bad, and I would not swap it for the world. I enjoy being different and it has shaped my whole way of being: fashion, ideas, and alternative likes. Being mixed-race is mysterious, cool, new.
I honestly don't have a role model in the mainstream media. This, partly to do with a lack of mixed-race identity and the lack of recognition given to mixed-race people, often described as only one of their two origins. I never thought I had an identity problem, but I often don't feel like I fit in completely. This does not mean I struggle by any means in making friends, quite the opposite. The ability you quickly learn when you are mixed-race is to be a chameleon, you know how to interact with people from different backgrounds, helping you in talking to strangers.
There are few role models for me in the conservation sector, people who have had the same upbringing and life experiences and have chosen to work in conservation. I feel like this hasn’t really affected me, but when I think harder, it probably meant I was slow in finding my career. People from ethnic minorities have less exposure to nature, less access to it because they live in cities, and thus a shallower connection with nature. I find this unfair on three levels: (a) the joys of the natural world should be shared equally; (b) there is a biodiversity crisis threatening the life support systems we depend on; fighting this requires collective action; and (c) creativity thrives off diversity. A more diverse workforce would benefit from a greater range of experiences and alternative ways of thinking.
With that said, I can see positive change; there are becoming more and more opportunities, for example, the government’s ‘New to Work’ green jobs scheme, which provides paid work placements for at least 70 young people from diverse backgrounds’, until May 2024. Also, I can now name two fantastic conservation science communicators; James Wong and Hamza Yassi, who are mixed-race or from an ethnic minority. Watching these people offers hope and ignites motivation. I would like to take this opportunity to reach out to others working in the green job sector, to start a conversation, share some experiences, and show support for one another. I am very interested to hear other people’s stories.
I think the best thing is when I travel nobody knows where I’m from and most of the time they think I am from the country I visit. I've heard: Spanish, Mexican, Greek, Italian, French, Ukrainian. This makes you feel comfortable travelling in strange lands far from home.
I do feel there needs to be more recognition, this will come with time as mixed-race people help shift society. Hopefully in the future mixed-race children have stronger identities.
My Grandparents lived in Scotland, we only saw them every summer, and my Father's family lived in Watford an hour's drive away, so we saw them more. Being separate from both families meant I didn't properly learn their languages or culture. This is a real shame for me. I am still only 22, so plenty of time yet and I hope I will continue learning.
The last time I cried was at my Grandparents funeral, on my Mother's side. It had an immense effect. It was the first loss of a family member in my living memory. I felt sorry for not seeing them enough and I thought we could have been closer friends. My Grandparents lived in the north of Scotland in Invergordon. We did not see them too often, because of the distance, and we were not as close as other families. However, in the last year or two with them here I was just getting to know them better and learning amazing stories of their lives, especially my Grandmother.
I would have hoped to be bilingual but part of being separated from family is that you are less exposed to the languages and culture, therefore, I know next to no Urdu. I am applying for jobs and they ask for your origins, I put 'mixed White/Asian' and press continue. When in your jobs it is not talked about, race is not talked about; everyone is the same which is not necessarily a bad thing.
From my Mother's I know the Scottish national anthem, I own a kilt and we celebrate Burn's Supper (a Scottish celebration of poet Robbie Burns - 'Address to a Haggis').
From my Father's I speak little Urdu, I celebrate Eid and I am very welcoming and respectful, characteristics I believe to be from Pakistani culture.
I want to thank you a thousand times over. I googled 'Mixed-race' simply out of curiosity, and Mixedracefaces popped up first. I opened, read over many peoples stories and felt a sense of belonging instantly. It was like something awakened inside me. Without your amazing work celebrating who we are, the stories and nuances in our lives, I would be a little less sure of myself. Onwards and Upwards. I want to meet everybody!!!