Moroccan | Pakistani
My Mom is Moroccan and my Dad is Pakistani. They met at Disney World in Florida, it's normal for people to work and meet at Disney World if you grew up in Florida like I did.
In addition to being mixed-race, I was born in America and moved to London at 15. My Mom still lives in America and I find that very challenging. I'm so jealous of anyone who can casually visit their parents over the weekend as I can't do that anymore. On the flip side, because it's easier to fly to Morocco from London, I've managed to go there every 2 years. I don't think that would've been possible if I still lived in the US.
Growing up in America, post 9/11, there was a lot about my identity I felt I needed to over explain. I constantly had to explain what Ramadan was, including to nurses, teachers etc. I remember a school nurse asking if I was anorexic when I was fasting during Ramadan. When that episode about a Muslim family on Proud Family came out, it helped with some of that understanding. But that moment in Ms Marvel just really got to me. Never did I think as a kid that a modern TV show would just show that moment so casually. I immediately texted my mom about it. Representation does really matter.
As both of my backgrounds are from marginalised groups, we all collectively share that experience. That being said, I do feel sometimes one side of the family didn't completely understand the other. Some of my Moroccan family's perceptions of South Asia did root in negative stereotypes but it was never severe. Additionally, there was a language barrier.
I love introducing my friends to food from my culture. And that's what I love about being both Moroccan and Pakistani because the food is great. I make great pakoras but also great Moroccan dishes like zaalouk and harira.
Occasionally. I hate playing the 'Where are you from really?' game. That makes me put my defenses up. Also dating apps, especially when the 'Where are you from really?' game comes up. It just makes me feel like I'm going to be fetishised for my race. That makes me heavily guarded.
Racially ambiguous comes up and I can see why. It's not easy to place me. Sometimes I feel like an outsider no matter where I go. As I've gotten older and my Pakistani features became more prominent, I just find local Moroccan people staring at me like a puzzle. Like they can tell I'm Moroccan but there's also something else there they can't figure out. I should feel like I completely when I visit Morocco, but that is a reminder of how different I am. To be fair, I also don't speak Arabic so that adds to it. Being unique. I think this is a double edged sword. Sticking out in a crowd is nice sometimes and makes me memorable, but on the other hand it can lead to some interesting types of harassment. Quite a lot of my catcalling experiences can also be racialised.
I'm super proud of my background. I've always been proud, but projects like this make me feel more proud. A couple of my colleagues were featured on Mixedracefaces and it was great to learn more about them. I think on the upsides of social media, it's much easier to seek communities similar to your own. It's great seeing young South Asian people feel proud of their identities, I could've definitely used that growing up to counteract the amount of times I was called a terrorist. I've managed to find an influencer/model on insta who is also Moroccan and Pakistani.
Nothing shapes you like a break up! I dated this guy for about 4 months, and though we didn't get to the stage of calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend, I was more affected by it than I thought I would be. I was honest with my closest friends about it and let myself be sad for a little bit. After talking with friends and reflection, I'm glad I ended it when I did. I've. been in relationships in the past that I've let go on for too long. I'm glad I'm finally learning when to call things.