Russian | Pakistani
This is maybe a little bit silly, but I used to have issues with finding the right make-up. Something about looks and colors just didn’t look and feel right, because a lot of make-up products were focused on pale skin. For example: due to my Pakistani heritage, I have a darkish area under my eyes. Not knowing how to properly handle this made me feel insecure. There were not a lot of women in magazines or on TV who I could look up to for inspiration.
My mum is from Russia and my father is from Pakistan. In hindsight, my parents really tried to integrate well and focused less on their own cultures. They were quite young, and I think you get out of touch with your culture. I didn’t grow up with many visible parts of their cultures. I used to speak Russian with my parents, and when I was little I also spoke Urdu, but we stopped when me and my siblings started answering in Dutch. Growing up in the Netherlands, I wanted to be like everyone else, and sometimes I felt my skin color or features stood in the way. Being mixed can make you feel lost in your identity, especially when people categorise you while you’re not really familiar with the cultures yourself.
I have dealt with the micro-aggression 'where are you from' a lot. In my job, I give a lot of training on anti-discrimination and micro-aggressions are part of this. People feel attacked when I discuss them, because people feel that they have good intentions when they ask ''where are you from?''. But later on, my experience is that they always understand why it is actually a micro-aggression. It can become really annoying to always hear this. I used to get really uncomfortable or defensive, because it puts me in the position to really open up about my heritage and personal things while the other person is not sharing. Now, I am more able to deal with it. I recognize it when someone is truly interested and then am happy to talk about it. If I can sense that it's not sincere, I know how to answer.
From an early age, I have learned that the world is bigger than what I just see everyday, and I have learned that my perspective is not necessarily how other people experience the world, because I had two parents from different cultures. Now I see how it really shaped me as a person, even in my career! Sometimes we really think that things are tied to cultures, religions, etc, but I also see that some things are transcending cultures, religions, countries, you name it.
When I was a bit younger, I really wanted to be like everyone else. Now that I am older, I feel more proud of my heritage and more at ease with being who I am. It’s less about being like everyone else and more about being myself. See it as a superpower that I’m able to spot that and try to connect