Nigerian | English/Irish
I suppose I would usually identify myself as mixed-race, but to be honest I don’t think it fully expresses how I feel about my identity. I am a combination of several different things, all at once or in various combinations depending on the situation or how I feel at the time, none of them contradicting or cancelling out the others. This has always made sense to me, and has never been a source of confusion.
My Mum’s parents came to the UK from Nigeria in the early 1960s (my Grandmother was of Togolese origin) and grew up in Poplar and Limehouse in East London. My Dad is of Irish descent on his Father’s side, and English on his Mother’s side, he grew up in Bedford. My Mum shared the story of taking her Nigerian mother to meet my Dad’s extremely British parents for the first time. My Mum was instructed by her Mother to refuse everything she was offered, even tea and biscuits, for fear of giving the wrong impression. As my Mum didn’t have much family in the UK, I think that she had to do much more integrating than my Dad, who had a large extended family.
I was closer to my Dad’s culture purely because I was exposed to it more, as his family all lived nearby. My only direct link to Nigeria was my Grandmother, but she would rarely mention her past unless prompted directly, which I only thought to do in the year before she died. However, in adulthood I’ve been able to form solid links with that side of my heritage, I’m now in regular contact with my Nigerian cousins, and am also enjoying learning about Nigeria’s rich history, food and music.
As well as Nigeria, I’m also investigating the other parts of my culture that I didn’t have many links with growing up, like my Togolese and Irish heritages. I often find that music is a gateway to exploring a new culture, and this has certainly been the case for me with Togo and Ireland.
I used to feel culturally isolated when I would meet people from Nigeria; I felt embarrassed at my lack of knowledge about a country I was only two generations removed from. However, I now treat these situations as learning opportunities where I get to ask lots of questions!
Being mixed-wasn’t something I gave a lot of conscious thought to as a child, but in hindsight I can see that it was on my mind all the time. On the first day of school, I immediately gravitated towards the only other mixed boy in my class (I’m happy to report that we’re still friends, 28 years later!) and I always felt a sense of relief at seeing other Brown faces in a room. I was also aware of spaces where I felt like I didn’t belong, and usually tried to get out of them as quickly as possible. As an adult, the only differences are that I do give a lot of conscious thought to my mixed-ness, and actively seek out spaces where I feel like I do belong.
I am always intrigued by how differently I might be perceived depending on where I am. For example, in the UK I feel that I am more likely to be seen as mixed-race. When I have visited the USA, on the other hand, I am often referred to as Black. When I visited The Gambia, meanwhile, I felt that I was perceived as more White than Black. I’m also mistaken for being from other places quite frequently, I have been asked if I am Asian, Brazilian, Arabic, Mediterranean, and many other combinations! I don’t mind this at all, but I have always been overjoyed on the few occasions where someone has been able to identify my West African heritage just by looking at me. When seeking out role models, in recent years I have found myself looking to people from mixed backgrounds who are a little further along in their journeys than I am. They show me what’s possible!
The biggest challenge I’ve faced regarding my identity was in 2020, in the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder and in the midst of the Black Lives Matter protests. I had barely engaged with my racial identity at all up to this point, but now I realised it was something I needed to do. Who was I, and where did I fit into all of this? The key to answering these questions was in long discussions with family and friends, particularly my mixed friend from school who was also going through the same thing.
One aspect of my culture I would put in a time box is food. On both sides of my family, food is very important, and often reminds me of people who are no longer here, like my Grandmothers. Another would be humour; I’d say that the two sides of my family each have their own unique sense of humour that everyone in them shares. And finally: music. Everyone on both sides of my family loves music in one way or another.
I’m on a never-ending mission to try to learn more about my cultures, and find ways where I can incorporate them into my life. For example, I am learning how to cook more West African dishes like jollof rice and peanut soup. With regard to my Dad’s side, I’m trying to learn to play Irish folk tunes on the mandolin.
I consider being mixed-race to be a wonderful gift that allows me to exist in several worlds at once, and find common ground with people from a variety of different backgrounds. I wouldn’t change it for anything. My advice would be: explore, explore, and keep exploring! And that it’s never too late to claim and investigate parts of your cultures, they’re your cultures after all.