Jordanian/Italian | Pakistani
I am a British mixed-race (Arab, Italian and Pakistani) man. I was born and raised in Lancashire, a county in the North West of England. I am a true ‘Northerner’, in terms of the geographical North/South divide in England! I have a very strong Lancashire accent. You can distinguish this when I elongate my vowels: ‘Oooooooh noooooo!’. People are often mesmerised when they hear me speak for the first time. Apparently, my accent doesn’t reflect how I look?! Whatever that means?! Some people love my accent, some people really dislike it, but I have learnt to love it. I secretly love it when people mock it, because I wouldn’t be myself without it! I feel that I’m one of a kind when it comes to my identity because it is such a unique mixture, but I LOVE that and it’s something that I’m extremely proud of!
My Mum is Arab and Italian, her Mother is Italian, and her Father is Arab (Jordanian). My Dad is Pakistani. My parents are both Lancashire born and raised. They met in my hometown, Accrington. My Italian Great-Grandparents moved to Britain in the early 1960’s, away from the rife poverty and poor living standards they faced back in Italy at the time (and many other Italians faced hence the large Italian diaspora across the world). My Arab Grandad moved from Jordan (he is from a place called As-Salt that is just outside of the capital Amman) for better prospects and opportunities. These reasons are similar to my Pakistani Grandparents that came from the region of Kashmir. Accrington and other towns within the North West of England were popular destinations that attracted migrants because they were very industrialised towns, known for their cotton and textiles.
I come from a multi-faith family. I was raised with the freedom to follow whichever faith I wanted to. It was never enforced on me. At this moment in my life, I identify as an Atheist. I do not believe in God or an after-life, it is just not the path for me personally. This is something I’m happy with and I believe I can still have morals and values without religion. I respect that many of my family members identify with a religion - we love each other without division. I am privileged to have been raised in a family that is welcoming to all ethnicities and faiths. I always affectionately refer to my family as the ‘United Nations’. Being mixed-race and coming from a welcoming family has shaped me into the open-minded person that I am today. I see beauty across all different types of people regardless of their ethnic background.
My Italian Nanna (my Mother’s Mum) played a significant part in my upbringing. She moved over to Britain to join her parents (they already moved over before her) when she was 4 years old in 1962. She was raised in Accrington, and like me, has a strong East Lancashire accent. When it came to my ethnicity growing up, I was more in touch with my Italian side than my Arab and Pakistani side. However, what I admire about my Nanna is that she has always reassured me of my ethnicity throughout my upbringing and made sure I was proud of it.
Throughout my upbringing, my Nanna always protected me from the repulsive, repugnant and racist slurs surrounding my Pakistani heritage. She always reiterated that if anybody was to call me this, it would be racist and derogatory. Throughout my Nanna’s life she has witnessed slurs being thrown around in the most derogatory of ways. She never wanted me to be around that or have to ever suffer from that type of abuse, hence why she was very protective over me. When I was a young child, I suffered from being a visible outcast, spending most of my life in majority White populated areas. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve rarely received direct racism. I believe that this is because I don’t hold the ‘stereotypical negative racial stereotypes’ of any of my races. I would also say that I am racially ambiguous to some people. Often racism plays on ignorance by believing that everybody that belongs to a certain race embodies these negative stereotypes. It’s absurd that in today’s British society, minority groups are still easily generalised in negative ways. In former industrial towns in East Lancashire such as Accrington and Blackburn we have large South Asian communities. It’s not uncommon that they’ll be negatively generalised, and this is why slurs are expressed freely in the most dehumanising of ways. It still frustrates me when people ignorantly state: ‘Oh it’s just a shortened down word for Pakistani’, because it isn’t. It’s a slur with an oppressive history and STILL is used to oppress not only South Asians, but other ethnic groups within British society. Some people still have the audacity to say this in front of me when talking about other people, but not directly to me. When I was younger I used to freeze up and felt too uncomfortable to call people out on it. I was always afraid of making people feel awkward and uncomfortable for calling them out on their racist actions, which is absolutely bizarre when it is THEM that are being racist! Now as I have got older, I feel more confident to call it out, depending on whether the situation is safe for me to do so. However, it is not my job to keep having to call it out all of the time. It is tiring, and I am genuinely sick of it.
Growing up, I was surrounded by my Nanna, Great-Grandma and Mum speaking Italian amongst each other. To be specific, they speak mostly in the Neapolitan dialect. I can understand everything they say, but I will forever be frustrated with myself for not practicing it verbally. I have recently studied Italian within the past couple of years and even though I might not be fluent, I have improved massively and can hold basic conversations within it. Hopefully one day I will be fluent! As for Arabic and Punjabi, I wasn’t raised around family members who spoke those languages, therefore I have very little knowledge of them. I’d love to learn more of Arabic and Punjabi, even though they are difficult languages to learn.
In the summer of 2018, I visited Campania in the South of Italy. This is the Italian region where my Italian family are from. My Nanna took me to the village she was born in, Serino. We visited the cemetery where my ancestors are laid to rest. I genuinely felt a connection to Campania. This was one of the most sentimental memories of my lifetime and I will truly cherish it forever. Next, I want to visit my other two heritage countries: Jordan and Pakistan. They’re up there on the bucket list!
It is evident that I am very Westernised and British, when it comes to my fashion sense, the music I listen to and the culture that I follow throughout my day to day life. I love being British, Britain is my home and country. It may not be perfect and still has issues that I have every right to criticise (it’s important to not confuse progression with success), but I feel at home here. My British nationality and mixed-race ethnicity are simultaneously important to me, and I love them both.
There are times when I haven’t felt like I’m fully Arab, fully Italian, fully Pakistani as well as being fully British. There have been times when I’ve felt that I have no sense of belonging wherever I go. Growing up, I felt a lack of representation in the media of people that shared a similar background to me. I have always felt like an outcast, but in recent times I have learnt to LOVE that I am an outcast and created my own sense of belonging. I am thrilled to see upcoming platforms such as Mixedracefaces giving mixed-race people like me a voice to share my story. This representation is very important.
If I was to be born again, the only thing that I would change would be to have the knowledge to speak all of my heritage languages fluently, because it is easier to pick up and learn whilst you’re a child growing up. This would be the only thing. Other than that, I LOVE my identity and will continue to sparkle and to empower others to feel confident and proud of their identity!