Jamaican | British
My parents are both British, however my Grandmother was born in Jamaica and went to London before settling in Huddersfield, where my Father was born. My parents met in the late 1980s, in a nightclub in my hometown of Mirfield, West Yorkshire. My Father was from Huddersfield, and he and the boys would go to the clubs to meet the women. My Father's friend was initially interested in my Mother, but that didn't work out! Luckily, I'd say!
My Mother always said that they were scrutinised since they were an interracial couple. The Black girls confronted them for 'stealing their man.' The worst part was when my Mother was instructed not to have children with a Black man because they would be albino or 'deformed.' Growing up was odd because I naturally felt more connected to my White British side because I spent the week with my Mother and the weekend with my Father, who lived in a predominantly Black neighbourhood in Huddersfield. However, as I approached my adolescence, I began to explore my identity. I'd say now that I really have a balanced connection with both cultures.
Growing up, I loved the blending of cultures; I'd go to Brownies and extracurricular activities at my Mother's house, but carnival, dance classes and my afro hair cutting took place at my Father's! I used to spend some weekends with my Jamaican Grandma, and she'd take me to gospel church on Sunday mornings; getting dressed up and dancing is something I still love doing, just not in a church! One thing that was never combined was food; I'd only eat Caribbean food over at my Dad's, and my Grandma is still the best cook; her dumplings and curried goat, amazing!
When I was younger, I used to straighten my hair to see how I'd appear if I had the hair my White girlfriends had. When I was a kid, I used to try to scrub my freckles and two birthmarks on the top of my leg away in the water. I was also tormented at school for having full lips, and my Mother would tell me that people pay a lot of money for my lips; I didn't believe her until a few years ago, and now half of my friends do! My Mother constantly urged me to accept the qualities/features she had given me and to love myself. All I can say is thank God for my Mother! I was attempting to please two aspects of my identity by dressing and acting like both! I return to my Mother's house after spending the weekend at my Father's, surrounded by Black girls in the 'hood,' thinking I was 'ghetto,' speaking differently, adopting their 'rude gal' hairstyles and sense of style, which felt amazing at the time since I felt welcomed within that group. My Mother would ask, ‘What happened to you?’ and I'd begin to remove this layer of 'other' Sadie throughout the week in order to blend in with the White girls at my Mother's house, straightening my hair, softening my language, and even trying out new beauty products. By the time the weekend rolled around, I was ready to put on my other clothes, play my other persona, and try to blend in. The Black boys in Huddersfield, where my Father lived, fancied me, and the girls there despised it, so I avoided going out there as much as possible since it produced far too much drama. My Mother once told me, ‘Why are you trying to be two different people? You're already unique, so embrace it’. The rest, as they say, is history. The true me emerged.
I'm a sculptor, TV personality, and podcast host, as well as a course director for a BA Fashion course at LCCA, so when I initially started freelance teaching, tutors or senior management teams would frequently judge me for not seeming academic or for being too young. The academic environment was very White, and if you didn't fit the norm, you would get looks and passive comments.
I could probably count the number of mixed-race people in my professional and educational networks on one hand. In terms of my cultural mix, I mean. It means I'm always the one looking for possibilities for individuals like me through the lens of equality, diversity, and inclusivity. I enjoy working in the arts and television because I can be a familiar face to the next generation, a face of representation.
While on a virtual panel discussion, I felt othered by a Black woman, which was strange and unpleasant. I won't go into too many details because she was a big thing in the drama industry, but she effectively stated that I hadn't had it as bad as her because I'm 'lighter skinned'. That was quite cutting; I knew it was a ‘thing’, but I'd never had somebody openly call me out on it. That is also presumptuous; she is unaware of my life's adventure thus far!
The main piece of advice I would give is don't be afraid to go with the flow, to explore, ignite, and uncover the true you. Finding your sense of belonging when you're between two worlds is magical yet unsettling until you find the true you.
My Mother is a true inspiration. I believe that because she had me when she was young, we grew up as best friends. She supports me every step of the way and always finds the bright side of anything I accomplish. She is my biggest supporter and champion, and she is always by my side. I'm not sure what I'd do without her! Those who know me know how close my Mother and I are; she's definitely one of the girls.
I adore Indian culture and Hinduism. I've been to India a couple of times and enjoy the rituals, temples, and ayurveda. I actually brought some deities back with me, so when I pull my oracle cards for a quick reading, I'll burn my palo Santo with the cards and set intentions.