Irish | Irish/Ghanaian
My Mum is from Liverpool. My Dad was also from Liverpool but his Dad was from Ghana. Not sure where they met, but they were both teenagers when they met. I grew up in Liverpool, my maternal Grandparents raised me in a White Catholic household. I only recognised I was mixed-race recently. I didn’t know who my Dad was until I met my sister 20 years ago. That’s when we started to discover who were and what we were.
To be who I am and where I am now has been a long and often troubled journey for me. The most difficult thing has been not knowing who I was or where I was from, what was my heritage. The little girl on the council estate that was with part of a large very White family but didn't look like them was a daily challenge and fight for me, my family loved me but couldn't see or understand what I was going through, I didn't fit in with anyone, I had Afro hair, brown eyes and freckles, they were all pale skin, light eyes and straight her. The bullying and the name calling never stopped and when people asked if I was Black, my reply was always ‘NO’. Then when I finally found out that my Dad was mixed-race, it made me sad, they had been right and I was wrong, they could see what I couldn't and that hurt me. The need to belong and not be rejected has always been with me and shaped me to make decisions on relationships and friends that weren't good for me. I missed out on the opportunity to have a Father figure in my life, to know who I was and more about where both sides of my family came from and also a sense of belonging or being wanted.
When parents decide it's best for children that they don't know their heritage, they are wrong, as a child who carried the scars into adulthood I know what this can do. It's taken me 50 years to discover the truth about my heritage as also the truth about me, it's been hard not for the lack of love from my family, but for me to love me for the unique person that I am, to embrace my heritage and be proud of my Afro, my freckles and me! My journey has taken from an only child in a large extended family, to finding my sister when I was 32, and more recently 2 half-brothers and a sister. Would I change my past if I could? Yes I would...just to put the things in place that were removed, but I'm happy with the person I am now and for the love I have around me.
My parents didn’t combine their cultures, Mum gave me to my Grandmother and put my older sister up for adoption. My Dad was not around, but that was not his choice. As far as I know he was told to stay away. I never fitted in as a child, mixed-race kids were rare in Liverpool, I didn’t identify with them as I had no interaction with any other culture but those who were White Catholic. I had no exposure to any part of my Black heritage. It’s all I knew. As an adult, people would think I was White so I tried to hide my mixed-race side, hide the freckles, straighten and bleach my hair.
I think being mixed-race has had a massive effect on my work & personal life. Growing up in a White Catholic family of Irish descent it was never mentioned. I never fitted in and was bullied throughout school. My first day in my first job someone racially abused me, that was the turning point for me. I had to stand up for myself. I do however think that are less stereotypes towards mixed-race people now as there were previously.
As a child, being asked where I’m from I was always concerning as I only identified as White, until I found out that my Dad was mixed-race as an adult. Now, I am proud to say that I am mixed-race, from Liverpool, and that my Grandad was from Ghana. A negative was not knowing anything about my Dads heritage, however this has made me who I am today. Mixed-race for me today is an incredibly positive thing and is viewed as it was 40 years ago. However people still perceive being mixed-race with easily identifiable traits, but that’s what makes being mixed-race so wonderful, we are all individual.
If I had the opportunity to be born again I would like to come back as me, but I would want to know my Dad and his family.