Indian/Swiss/English | Jamaican
I’m a Westminster born, Irish mixed heritage Swiss/English/Indian and Jamaican woman who believes in love and spirituality rather than religion but I guess my ethos and ways of being are most closely aligned with Buddhism. My sexual orientation is probably best described as fluid, as although I’m predominantly a lesbian I am aware that I can and have fallen in love with a man before. Until reading Diamonds psychological papers on love I didn’t understand that there are many layers and levels of attraction and falling in love can happen to you with either sex regardless of orientation which is predominantly based on sexual behaviour and desires. Based on her premise I’m a gay woman, but I prefer fluid as I feel one never knows with love and attraction what’s next, as part of the ebb and flow of life it’s not something that I try to control or label. As a young woman I was convinced I was straight and totally unaware why I wasn’t feeling what my friends were about sex and love! It took years to discover my love for women and longer to accept I couldn’t change it, before finally embracing it! Having said that, I’m very open and although I’m hardly ever attracted to men, quite recently one did connect with me in an unexpected way, so that I’m cautious of restrictive labels. It might just be that the connection with this man is just that, but you don’t know unless and until you explore it. So as I’m still exploring in a way, let’s say sexually fluid with a very strong preference for women at present.
My Mother is Indian Swiss English as my Grandfather was from Mumbai and Grandma is Swiss English. My Father is Jamaican and estranged. They met at a club frequented by dancers in central London, as my Father was a dancer and Mam loved to move, they had quite an intense connection. I grew up in Ireland and so the combination between an Asian/London home life and Irish society was quite the contrast. The cultures are totally different, at home I was given plenty of books and was always encouraged to learn – which I loved, and so was miles ahead of my friends at school, to the extent I was the youngest in my year and they couldn’t let me skip forward due to the age difference. So my Mum gave me work to do in class so I wouldn’t get bored. Irish culture is very natural, friendly, there’s a high level of emotional intelligence and the educational system is bored. Irish culture is very natural, friendly, there’s a high level of emotional intelligence and the educational system is broad and of a very high standard. I think I took 12 subjects for my junior cert (GCSE equivalent) and 7 at leaving certificate (A-levels equivalent) along with being involved in the choir, running team, basketball team & club and more. Also my parents tend not to be as strict with their children as Asian and English families are. My schedule was set and I was held to high standards academically with it always being assumed I would go to university and become a doctor or whatever I wanted, but definitely go. For me growing up in such a varied world, or worlds although fun as my friends all loved visited us and eating our varied healthy vegetarian Indian/Mediterranean food, it definitely caused me confusion. I often lamented why my Mother was so strict when others weren’t. In retrospect I understand that was partly through being a single parent in a foreign country, which to me was home. With regards to growing up in a mixed heritage household, my Mother was conscious of my colour and while she often tried to promote African, Indian and Jamaican culture at home, because I just felt Irish I didn’t always welcome her efforts. Interestingly my brother whose Father was Irish seemed to find it more appealing and so it became a kind of ‘joke; how my brother was Blacker than I was. For me, while I understand that rhetoric coming from the generation who dealt with 80s London when racism was rife and there were all sorts of social issues, so Black as an identity was not just about culture and courage but also pride. Yet as a child I just found it ridiculous to focus so much on colour, especially as an Irish girl. In fact I think and my Grandmother often agree that because my Mother and brother are so knowledgeable about worldly things, they’re often unhappy and driven to ‘fix’ or share insights based on their perceptions. Grandma and I are both mixed and we don’t feel the need to argue over labels and terms that are constantly evolving and changing anyway. We know we’re different, genuinely growing up we both felt that but it wasn’t a negative for me as I was embraced for all I was at home in Ireland. It was harder for my Mother who was trying to get me to understand my difference and embrace the aspects she felt would stand to me later in life, in an environment where I didn’t need to relate to those elements. So there was definitely a great cultural disparity between inside and outside our home. I always felt more at home with my friends because their parents understood me better due to shared culture and acceptance. I loved my Mother but I had to grow up and travel to India as an adult and really immerse myself in her culture before I understood how much of India we had at home and how that was what was alien to me, rather than her. So rather than not understanding her, it was the cultural imposition I was at odds with.
People nowadays have a fantastic attitude towards interracial relationships and tend to embrace it much more. One of my favourite films is Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner deals with it in such a humorous way and we’ve really come a long way in humanity, especially in cities and urban dwellings, to dispel racism and discrimination. It has always seemed odd to me anyway how people can discriminate racially, yet actually we’re neurological hardwired to be anxious when we observe the faces of people outside those familiar to us. This is according to published scientific articles and Sapolsky of Stanford often refers to this phenomenon in his lectures. We are more widely aware of this perhaps we would work to expose children and our peers to broader ranges of faces from younger ages. Indeed I wouldn’t be surprised if as diversity on television grows, racial bigotry will fall.
Growing up in Catholic Ireland one does learn to keep your relationships rather private and so I guess I’m a romantic who loves being casual enough to be among friends and strangers and have only those who know about our relationship be aware. I’m not secretive but privacy is important to nurture growth and intimacy in connection. My entire childhood in Ireland was exquisitely positive as I recall always being embraced and celebrated for my difference and even as girl when I attended Scoil Carmel the entire class stood up and clapped! It was fun being different and new as everyone wanted to play with you during your breaks too!
I was walking through the Aran Islands once and two drunk British men started shouting racist slur at me out of their window. I was cycling and a child so they really had no integrity but I was so grateful that it came as such a shock as I really was sheltered from such things in the Irish countryside growing up!
I don’t think that it’s always a conscious thing but I’ll pop on the Cranberries when I’m sad, angry or feeling romantic about life! Christy Moore’s Ride On is among my favourites as I just feel home and I do love the Irish language yes, it’s so beautiful and rich. There are so many amazing designers nowadays but I love Celia Holmann Lee of Limerick for bringing me into her modelling agency and teaching me so much about fashion, I was scouted at 16 years old.
So I’ve never been to Jamaica but I do love India so much! The fashion and shopping are insane Mumbai and I love the serene beaches in Kerala. The latter is socialist had a 96% literacy rate in the recent past, so the people are amazingly knowledgeable and kind. There’s a humane-ness and compassion there which I loved. In Mumbai I mainly partied with my cousins but I can tell you that the food, drink, hospitality and fun that everyone can have there is second to none! It’s incredibly vibrant and wild!
I was quite naive when younger regarding colour and labels. I felt like people wanted to label me Black when that didn’t resonate at all, I always preferred ‘mixed’ as to me it felt like an inclusive term. However it does still apply to me and given the historical context and how vibrant and rich motherland Africa is, nowadays I take it as a compliment and honour, even though I retain my personal preferences.
I’m an actor and yes I feel the arts is the best place to Express your difference and to find others who celebrate it with you!
I wouldn’t mind being reborn as long as I fell in love with the woman I am with now. However next time I want to be born into my wealth and raised in a pure loving environment where learning, voicing opinions and accepting feeling as you are all encouraged. I would love to have special hair which will change from strange to wavy to curly on command. That one’s for girlie nights out and lastly I would like to be the most successful actor of all time.