Irish | Guyanese
I would describe myself as mixed-race and always have, I am heterosexual and interchangeably describe my religion as either Catholic or Christian. My mum is from Georgetown, Guyana. My dad is from Belfast, Northern Ireland. Both were raised in South East London from a young age. My parents both went to the same secondary school but didn’t begin a relationship until afterwards. They divorced when I was 6 and my father has been very absent in my life so there’s a lot about the time before their divorce that I don’t know and that we don’t discuss.
I grew up in South East London where I still live today. It was a very challenging time to be mixed-race because there was a lot of racial tension in the areas I lived in. This was in the aftermath of Stephen Lawrence’s tragic murder (and many other similar situations) and I was very much aware of the tension. During my teenage years I was afraid of racial abuse from both Black and White people as a result of my appearance, because there were clashes between Black and White gangs in both my school and the local area.
I remember being around 6 or 7 years old and being told by another child in my class that I was actually from Ghana (because they hadn’t heard of Guyana). I actually thought Ghana and Guyana were the same place for a short time because of this! This was when I started to realise my mum and dad where from different places and had different ethnicities. I had similar experiences of gradually realising my Irish heritage too although this took a lot longer because of the difficult/ now non-existent relationship I had with my dad.
I would define my friendship groups as being fairly mixed (in terms of race and sexual orientation) and I also find that I have several very small friendship groups rather than one large group. I typically spend more time with people who have an open, relaxed and/ or nuanced understanding of race, sexuality and faith. For me it’s the awareness and attitudes that someone holds, rather than their social identity, that is the biggest attraction or barrier to friendship.
My girlfriend and I are both mixed-race (Caribbean/ Irish heritage), so in my new relationship we have more of an immediate, intimate understanding of each other where some things do not need to be discussed. So, whilst we still do discuss our differences, and grow from these conversations, these differences are more personal and less cultural. Beyond us, I’ve had the biggest conversations with our son as I’m having to figure out what identity means for him and my role in his journey. Both in terms of balancing the beautiful aspects of being mixed-race, as well as trying to contextualise the prejudice he may (and already has) faced. We’re gradually moving from more general conversations about the world, to more specific ones about his place in it.
I think there are definitely still biases and stereotypes about mixed-race people, however I feel what’s more pervasive is a general lack of understanding about mixed-race identity and experiences. I still think many people try to reduce the mixed-race identity in some way, either by saying that our heritage is somehow diluted or that we’re really more one race than another. I think that these binary thought processes occur because it forces people to question their own biases and racial prejudices and often disproves them.
I have had many positive experiences of being mixed-raced. I have been embraced by people from a variety of backgrounds very easily. I feel my mixed racial identity makes me approachable to people who have limited experiences with people from other races, or for people who don’t adhere to the stereotypes of their own race. I also often have an instant closeness to other people because I ‘get’ their experience very instinctively. On an interpersonal level I have had so many beautiful interactions as a result of my mixed-race identity.
The negative experiences primarily revolved around being in awkward situations or as the recipient of racist attitudes. I have been told to pick a side (Black or White), been at the center of a debate between my classmates as to whether I was Black or White, been accused of shoplifting, been asked if I speak another language (in a way that made me feel foreign). There was also an occasion where I tried to get a very expensive ring repaired and was accused of having costume jewelry. These experiences span from the ridiculous to the very hurtful, particularly during my childhood.
If I was to be born again I can’t imagine returning in any other way. I think it’s a blessing to be the person you are, and my mixed-race identity cannot be separated from the other aspects of who I am as a person. To return in any other way would be to not return at all.
I think the future of mixed-race is the greater identification of people as mixed-race. I think there are an increasing number of people who aren’t afraid of denying or hiding their heritage to fit into a box. I also think there are more people who want to be honest about their heritage and want the wholeness of their existence to be public knowledge. I think the future of mixed-race is similar to the future of other aspects of personal identity, namely, openness, self-awareness and acceptance.
Since my first interaction with Mixedracefaces, the biggest change that has impacted my identity has been the growing prominence of the Black Lives Matters discussion in light of George Floyd. Interestingly, while I’ve also changed jobs and have moved house, this public conversation has done more to change how I think about my identity because of how it's informed how readily I speak from my personal experiences, to who, and to what extent. Previously my thoughts on race, and my race specifically, were more of a private affair whereas now I feel a bit more compelled to speak from my experiences more often. Overall, I think this has been a positive change for me personally, even if the circumstances surrounding this change are deeply upsetting.
The biggest topic I would like to talk on (and learn more about) is what does it mean to be an ally in social struggle and change? As a mixed-race person, I have both an internal and external perspective to the Black struggle for equality, as well as other struggles going on (Israel/ Palestine, women’s equality etc.). It feels like it is no longer enough to take a step back and observe, and I would like to better understand how I can contribute to making our society a more open and inclusive place (no matter how small or quiet these contributions may be).
Since Covid, I have become more focused on my personal development and where I want to be in both my personal life and career. Beforehand these thoughts were vague, however, I think now my personal life is feeling comfortably settled and the next steps forward professionally are becoming clearer and easier to see. I feel like things are heading in the right direction. On the other hand, Covid has also exposed some of my more negative thought patterns, and cycles, and has also been very challenging from a mental health perspective. This has made periods of the pandemic more challenging than others. Ultimately, I think I’ll emerge from the pandemic stronger, more self-aware, and in a better place than I was before it.